March 4, 2009, - 12:21 pm

The “Watchmen” Lie: Hollywood Sends More Depravity Your Kids’ Way Costumed as “Superhero” Flick

By Debbie Schlussel
**** UPDATE, 03/05/09: Watchmen Derangement Syndrome Takes Hold; Movie Continues to Be Marketed to Kids ****
If you take your kids to see “Watchmen,” you’re a moron.
If you see it yourself, you’re also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being. The movie arrives in theaters at Midnight, Thursday Night. It’s rated “R”–which should kinda sorta be a hint–but it really deserves an “NC-17,” at the very least. And plenty of clueless parents brought their young kids and kept them there for the entire almost three hour “experience” at the screening I attended.
Yes, I know, it’s being heavily marketed as a superhero movie, with action figures for your kids. But that–and the heroic-looking movie trailer–are a big, fat lie. And that’s where real parenting comes in . . . like actually investigating the movie before you take or send your kids to see this garbage.
In fact, as a movie critic who sees most new releases, I haven’t seen a more violent, depraved movie in years (not to mention a longer, more boring movie with a more preposterous and silly plot). This movie makes the graphic bloodshed of the recently released “Friday the 13th” look like “Cinderella.”

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This really isn’t a superhero movie at all. In fact, there was little “superheroing” until after the second hour of this nearly three-hour exercise on defining deviancy down. Some on the right are claiming this is a conservative movie because it’s made by some of the same people as “300” (read my review). But this is no “300.” (And that wasn’t for kids either, but this is far much less so.) A few lines of dialogue by the character “Rorschach” deriding “liberals and intellectuals” doesn’t excuse the nearly three hours of poison here. In fact, the movie kind of has a peacenik-themed ending and “message” regarding nuclear weapons. If this move is “conservative,” who the heck needs liberal?
There were so many disgusting, violent, morbid, grisly scenes and acts of killing, I had to start writing them down, lest I forget. And that’s in addition to the rape scene between superheroes (complete with violent beating of a female superhero) and an explicit sex scene between two other superheroes. Oh, and don’t forget another superhero’s swinging computer-generated penis frequently in your face on-screen.
In just the opening credits of this mindless celluloid claptrap, there’s a lesbian take-off on the famous photo of a woman kissing a sailor in Manhattan who is returning victorious from World War II. The lesbian make-out scene, featuring a “superhero,” is bad enough. But then, we see cops looking over their naked, bloodied, dead bodies on a bed, with the words “LESBIAN WHORES,” written in blood on the wall.
Mommy, mommy, what’s a lesbian? What’s a whore? And remember, this is just the opening credits.
The “plot” of this movie–if you can call it a plot–is that there were costumed superheroes in the ’40s and beyond. They grew old, but some of them didn’t. Then a new crop of costumed superheroes with special powers cropped up, some of whom were related to the older ones and some who still remained from the older group. But they all retired. Now, a superhero known as “The Comedian”–who is also a rapist and shot a Vietnamese woman who was pregnant with his kid (all of which we see depicted on-screen)–is murdered, and some of the superheroes, the “Watchmen,” get back together to find out who did it.
At the same time, the Soviets are about to nuke America. It’s 1985 and Nixon is President. We’ve won in Vietnam. Oh, and Henry Kissinger has a Russian accent. And Ronald Reagan is thinking of running for President in 1988. Wow, isn’t that cool that they got it wrong on purpose? I’m so amazed at this “high-brow art” of deliberately getting dates and timelines wrong, you know, just to be “artistic,” and get the drooling of the critics. That is sooooo genius. Like way totally cool.
Maybe if I make a movie about how Eisenhower was President in 1972, we “lost” World War II, and Bin Laden was gonna bomb the World Trade Center then, I’ll be cool, too. . . so long as it’s “dark” and I include a bunch of rape, torture, explicit sex scenes, and extremely graphic killings, and oh, write a “graphic novel” a/k/a comic book about it, first.
In the midst of this stupid story, we’re treated to the following:
* Dogs fighting over, tearing apart, and eating a six-year-old girl–we’re shown them chowing down on and tearing apart the remaining leg and leg bone, with the sock and shoe still on the bone as the dogs wrestle over it;
* A close up of man repeatedly getting an axe-blade driven through his skull while he’s being butchered;
* At least two very graphic scenes of naked superhero “Dr. Manhattan” vaporizing people to just blood, limbs, and guts hanging from the ceiling or spread in the snow;
* Many scenes of Dr. Manhattan’s computer generated penis swinging about;
* A kid biting a giant, bloody chunk of flesh out of another kid’s face–he grows up to be “Rorschach,” one of the superheroes’ compatriots;
* A man’s hands and arms being sawed off with an electric saw–we’re shown the bloody stumps and the bloody sawed off limbs in close up shots;
* A man with vat of hot french fry oil deliberately thrown over his head–we literally see him fry, and he ultimately dies, we’re told (no kidding);
* Many, many scenes of people’s hands, arms, fingers being broken in half or crunched by the “superheroes”;
* Cops being set on fire and burning to death by superhero compatriot “Rorschach;”
* Superhero “The Comedian” (a bad Robert Downey, Jr. look-alike) brutally beating and raping another superhero–tis movie concludes that the rape was a good thing b/c the slutty superhero had a slutty superhero daughter from him;
* Superhero “The Comedian” shooting and killing a Vietnamese woman because she’s pregnant with his kid;
* Superhero “The Comedian” being thrown off a roof of a tall building–we see his body hit the ground and the blood flow out;
* Two superheroes have an explicit sex scene in a spaceship–she’s on top, then he’s on top, awesome–you can teach your young kids multiple sexual positions before they even reach puberty, by taking them to see this (there’s a less explicit sex scene between the slutty superheroine and another superhero not long before that).
And these are just the highlights, plus superheroes hurling obscenities–great for the kiddies. There’s so much more–along with horrible make-up, bad acting, and terrible computer generated images (including the penis). Not to mention, a bad, extremely slow, and boring script.
Yup, this is the garbage that Rupert Murdoch’s Fox and Warner Brothers and Paramount are marketing toward your kids. All of these studios have a piece in this movie. And even thought the budget was just $100 to $125 million, because of a long legal battler between WB and Fox, the legal fees and pay-out make it such that they must recoup at least $200 or 300 million and make a profit. To do so, they are pimping the movie to all niches, especially your young kids.
But just because shameless whores and crack dealers of Hollywood deal this stuff out, doesn’t mean you have to buy it and poison your kids’ minds with it.
Remember the morons I told you about who took their kids to see the latest “Friday the 13th,” last month? Well, they were back with their kids at a Monday Night screening of this horribly depraved, whacked out movie.
Remember the White single mother who told me her ten-year-old son could see it because “he knows it’s not real and he knows the difference between right and wrong”? Well, she was back with her ten-year-old, and they waited in line for at least two hours with their free pass to get in to this screening, I’m told. I saw them walking out at the end.
Her son is going to grow up to be messed up. Don’t do the same to your kid.
And do yourself a favor, too. Save the ten bucks and the three hours of your life you’ll never get back. And the nightmares of some guy’s bloody, sawed-off arms and hands still clinging to the doors of a jail cell.
I don’t just worry that this is the new superhero movie being marketed to your kids today. I worry about the ones that will be even more depraved a decade from now.
G-d help this country (minus Hollywood).
FOUR MARXES PLUS
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365 Responses

Go be a an hero debbie.

Anon. Y. Mous on November 5, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Since when is an “R” rated movie geared towards children? You are quite the fat, stupid cunt.

Seymour Butts on November 11, 2009 at 1:50 pm

You quite clearly didn’t understand this movie from the way you review it. You have explained the plot wrong and you have taken the ideas of the characters gotten them completely wrong, Rorschach isn’t supposed to have much dialogue…its he’s character. You also complain about it appealing to children, when Snyder made this movie i don’t think he planned on brain washing the small weak minds of children, its the fucking stupid parents who make the mistake of brings children to an R rated movie. This is not the films fault. One more thing i have to stress: This isn’t supposed to be a superhero movie you fuck-tard! Its showing what the world would be like if masked vigilantes existed. So before you go and review a film completely wrong, make sure you understand it first.

PUNISHER! on November 12, 2009 at 6:17 pm

You do realize the movie is completely different from the comic, and that the action figures aren’t even available to the general public, and YOU SHOULDN’T LOVING TAKING YOUR KIDS TO SEE AN R RATED MOVIE?

ANGRYANON on November 21, 2009 at 10:18 pm

Congratulations, you completely missed ALL the points.

1: They didn’t get the timeline wrong, IT IS INTENTIONALLY DIFFERENT. It’s supposed to be altered by the presence of Doctor Manhattan.

2: This was never marketed to kids.

3: This isn’t meant to be a normal superhero movie. Watchmen is a deconstruction of the genre, meant to show how thoroughly messed up such characters would be in real life.

4: Since when has killing been anti-conservative? Don’t you support our troops? You can’t have it both ways.

5: What’s wrong with being a lesbian? Are you really that obsessed with someone else’s sex life?

6: It’s not a spaceship. It never goes in space, and never do they say that it can.

7: Rorschach’s “liberals and intellectuals” lines aren’t meant to agree with you. It’s fitting that the most violent, depraved, sexually repressed character in the movie is its most prominent conservative.

Your review is so off-target that I almost think you were joking. How is it possible to be so completely clueless? I would love to see Alan Moore’s thoughts on this. Sure, he hates the film adaptions of his work because they always take out the ambiguity, but your spectacular failure here would drive him either to hysterical laughter or suicide.

Mr. Creazil on November 22, 2009 at 3:45 am

    What he said.

    This review makes me lol.

    Claire on February 19, 2010 at 1:22 am

1.This is a Hard-R rated film

2. It is not a children’s movie nor did I see any kids in the theatre

3.It does not glorify rape or murder

4. It was called “the apex of artistry” by Time magazine

5. Take off your pants and sit on your husbands cock

6. get back to the kitchen, bitch.

Fuckstick Cuntnoggin on November 22, 2009 at 10:00 pm

Debbie, you are truly an ignorant woman. Maybe you should check the ratings before taking your children to them? How irresponsible of you to take them to an R rated movie, maybe you need to do some research before you criticize, you glorified hillbilly.

Anne Calrik on November 29, 2009 at 9:02 pm

First of all, I agree with everyone reading this article and posting comments, you probably should check the ratings of movies before taking your kids to see them. Also, this movie wasn’t meant to be your run-of-the-mill superhero movie like Superman or The Incredible Hulk or whatever was popular on the Rabbit Ears when you were growing up. This movie was supposed to be different. It was, even for the incredible amount of work it would take to do the graphic novel justice, it succeeded. Cartoons are for kids, and are marketed towards kids. Superhero movies today, are certainly not. You can plug and play this article with many superhero movies that have come out recently, and when you compare with a list of the same movies and their box office revenues, you’ll find that they’re huge hits and you’re still a joke. By the way, your grammar, much like your review, is also poor. I feel sorry for your thesaurus which must have nearly burst into flames from the friction of your fingers flying over its pages. If you don’t get it, don’t knock it. If you don’t agree with it, present a case against the film rather than a list of points so biased, it’s nauseating. You must be aware that your last name, in fact, means key in German. The key, Debbie, to you writing an unbiased, coherent, concise review is if you don’t write one at all.

John Smith on November 29, 2009 at 9:27 pm

What kind of predigested horseshit are they feeding you if you don’t take one moment to stop and question what society is shoving down your throat? I am aware you think that the world is being overcome with darkness, corruption, and evil. But take one moment to dig that miniscule Republican dong out of your twat and realize that this movie was making fun of people like you. Sure, the movie sucked, it was violent and had the worst sex scene in the history of Skinemax, but it was speaking about how shitty the world today has become thanks to close-minded bints like you.

Nihilist on December 20, 2009 at 5:09 pm

You’re Rorschach, Rorschach dies in the end don’t you know

Nihilist on December 20, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Not at all! Rorschach is conservative, violent and insane, but he also has integrity, a brilliant (albeit deranged) mind, he is eloquent, and he doesn’t swear.

    Deb is only a conservative with a deranged mind. And yea, she might die in the end, done in by more decent conservatives who have had it with her mad ramblings.

    That doesn’t make her Rorschach.

    DCR on January 7, 2010 at 6:13 pm

It’s a rated R movie.
You don’t take children to see a rated R movie.
It’s that simple.
Quit assuming that everything involving superheroes is automatically directed at children.
Anyone who reads comic books can tell you that hasn’t been the case for a LONG time.

ARGENT on December 31, 2009 at 12:04 am

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH WOW

Seymour Butts on December 31, 2009 at 12:18 am

As Hemophobic as a misotheist , aren’t you Debbie? If this much blood in an R rated film shocks you, I can’t wait to see your response to the bible.

Gimme a scathing review of Joshua, kk?

Kyazu on December 31, 2009 at 12:30 am

Deb, come on…

you cannot seriously expect people to think that you had no knowledge of the context of this film. Anyone with even the most basic knowledge about this movie’s heritage and the history of its parent text would know that this film was never designed for children and it was in no way marketed that way. If a stupid parent wants to take their kid to say this, then that’s their choice to ignore the suggestion of the MPAA.

Dunhill808 on December 31, 2009 at 12:34 am

Debbie, the people responding are not watchman fanatics. They are people from various imageboards, such as 4chan, that have gathered to rant at what is perceived as a horribly faulty critique of a film. For example, you seem to confuse an alternate history for a historical inaccuracy.

The film is a deconstruction of the superhero genre. It is based on a graphic novel that was a deconstruction of the superhero genre; it has been advertised as a deconstruction of the superhero genre; it is quite obvious that it is a deconstruction of the superhero genre; the story won awards because it was a deconstruction of the superhero genre.

Kyazu on December 31, 2009 at 12:50 am

This is the most uninformed movie review I have ever seen.

Seriously, just shut the fuck up.

Famf on December 31, 2009 at 12:22 pm

She will say the same thing when Kick-Ass comes out, mark my words. Kick-Ass is 10 times as violent as Watchmen and she is going to complain and bitch and moan cause Hit-Girl is cursing. I got news for you Debbie that movie is being Rated R the comic is not for kids and neither will this movie be for kids. I hate how Americans just assume superhero comic books are for kids only I mean what is this the Silver-age??? Oh and Debbie it’s not The Watchmen the books and movie is simply called WATCHMEN get it right next time.

Apologies go out to Alan Moore

Needle on December 31, 2009 at 12:29 pm

seriously, you’re the one who fails at parenting, since when a rated R movie is ok for your children? and if you dont even have half a brain to fully comprehend the masterpiece this movie/book is, the critique of society, of human behaviour itself then you my friend need to go and fap to twilight.

You're an idiot on March 31, 2010 at 6:22 am

I don’t and won’t antagonize for one’s views of a certain film or franchise, no matter how much it conflicts from my or the general populace’s view.

Considering your extreme opinion, I’ll make my case and be done with it. I know your mind won’t be changed.

But it seems extreme to deconstruct a film solely for its violent or sexual conduct. However, in this respect, you had an absolute point – Watchmen was R for a very good reason. Dr. Manhattan needs some freaking pants.

But as demonstrated above, it was never advertised towards children. R-rated movies NEVER are, pretty much as a rule. Action figures are capable of appealing to older buyers – it is these buyers that the Watchmen merch is targeted to. Never do they show a Watchmen trailer between episodes of SpongeBob.

Again, in order to present yourself as a fair critic, you need to argue EVERY POINT. How was the plot? How well did the characters develop? How did the setting set the style?

This is what the bashers are tearing you a new one about. On top of a clear lack of research, you focus solely on the violence and sex. Sure, this is usually what parents want to know about before taking their kids to see a film, but a parent ALSO knows that none of it can be shown in the trailer and that the R rating has a purpose behind it. Even the stupid parents you describe who take their underage kids to see a movie like this (Kick-Ass, for a recent example) will be shooed out of the theater just from the gory opening sequence or random sex scene. And just because violence is used in excess doesn’t mean it’s glorified or even, god forbid, encouraged.

On the research topic, the story, as you may know if you’ve thoroughly read the comics, was based on a graphic novel that was equally as bad save for some milder language.Never targeted towards kids, and those who praise it do so for the story it tells, the characters and the paths they take. Hell, even Manhattan’s nudity is totally justified – symbolic of how his nonlinear view of time has steadily detached him emotionally from the rest of humanity and the world.

Any parent could check online for the MPAA’s reason behind the rating as easily as they could find this very site.

Also, if you did any semblance of research, you’d notice that the Watchmen merchandise on the web is not only not targeted in kids’ direction, but too pricey for any parent to buy for something of its size.

So yeah. You accentuated the negative, as parental reviews are wont to do, but what you neglected was to give it the fighting chance that it needed and – yes, I’m saying it – deserved.

I have rating-strict parents. Average parents are equally strict about these ratings. I didn’t want to come off as harsh anywhere else, but I’ll be blunt: this insults the intelligence of anyone raising a child. How did you bash this and let the similar if downplayed Dark Knight off with a positive review?

Never mind – I’ll just accept that you have your priorities more or less straight, if not misguided. (That sounded more sensible in my head…)

A fairer critic on May 1, 2010 at 1:34 am

I read this and I was f***ing p***ed right off! First off the movie isn’t a “Superhero movie” its a VIGILANTE movie, there is only one real superhero and that is Dr. Manhattan. Second, this is a timeless classic to the comic world and I must say the movie adaptation, while good, could have been better. Thirdly, this movie is full of messages or icons for the people who can find them (Like the reason Dr. Manhattan is naked is to show he is like a God in a way)

T: You stay classy. Typical low-class Watchmen fanboy. I had to edit out your obscenities with asterisks. DS

Tom on May 29, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Wait, what was “p***ed”? Pissed? Second dude drops a C-bomb and you’re down here censoring piss? lol.

    ^.^;; on November 1, 2010 at 2:15 am

lol
Retard.

JustCommenting on June 1, 2010 at 11:32 am

It’s rated R for a reason ya dumb cunt!

anon on June 4, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Well, you were right about one thing: if you take your kids to see Watchmen, you’re a moron. Because Watchmen was not MADE for kids, was never INTENDED to be watched by kids and was not MARKETED at kids. You’re wrong about every other thing you said in this review, but that shouldn’t surprise anyone, as you’re clearly a little on the dim side.

Arcane Azmadi on June 9, 2010 at 7:40 am

The problem is, Debbie, badly informed people like yourself do more harm to the Conservative point of view than they do any good. As a staunch Conservative, please allow me to tell you that you are talking out of your ass. From its initial publication in the 1980’s, the Watchmen graphic novel and associated material was NEVER marketed for children. Period.

It may strike you as annoying to hear facts perforating your windy pomposity, but the presence of an action figure does not mean that the movie it was taken from is for kids. There’s a friggin’ CLOVERFIELD monster action figure for crying out loud. There are Freddie Krueger and Jason Voorhees action figures as well.

The movie is rated R, so on one point I agree with you: if you take your kids to see it, you are a moron because it’s not meant for them. However, if you rant and rail against a movie because it has some images you don’t like than I would say you’re the bigger moron.

Speaking as a Conservative who continually chides liberals for, well, being stupid, as most of them are, I must say that it offends me to the core to see a fellow Conservative act so foolishly and flare up with so little actual reason. Grow up a little, will you? You’re making yourself into a straw man that undermines the entire Conservative point of view.

In other words, be stupid on your own time.

It’s a movie. It tells a story. If you can’t handle that, keep your $8.50 in your pocket. Or, better yet, rant and rail against the assheads that brought a five year old into “War of the Worlds” and sat behind me or the boob that brought a ten year old to see “Ghost Ship” and sat her next to me with her hands over her eyes. THAT is bad parenting.

Parenting is NOT the responsibility of the production company marketing the movie. That’s YOUR job. If you’re not willing to look at the movie carefully before taking a kid into it, then sell your children into slavery and raise a frickin’ puppy. Better yet, try a piglet so you can at least have bacon.

Thus endeth the lesson. I’m sure nothing I’ve said here is going to crack open that little mind of yours, but I hope that your readers will understand that there is more than one Conservative out there, and some of us are capable of coherent thought.

CR

Chris Rivan on June 16, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Well, I must admit I was utterly shocked and surprised at how absent this review was of any real reviewing of the film’s content.

Despite that I’m only one of the many putting down on this review, I do hope for some response so perhaps I can get some insight as to where you’re coming from.

I’ve talked to many people who dont enjoy the movie, but it was no big deal cause they at least had INFORMED points of view, whereas you seem to be drawing numerous conclusions that are vastly untrue and, to be frank, only embarrass yourself as a credible writer. First off, you insinuated that this was meant to be a typical superhero flick for the kids, when anyone with an ounce of analytical sense can see it’s an adult film made to give controversial points not accepted by everyone. Sure, they made toys and whatnot, but hollywood will do that despite the film’s real audience. One sign of a costumed character, and the big execs jump on that for any additional marketing ploy, but that’s CLEARLY not what the film was intended for.

I also was disgusted with the violence; it was too forced. But having 90% of your review consist of complaints about the gore indicates on extremely shallow method of watching a film. Ok, it’s gross, it disturbs me, and is highly unnecessary: say it once, we get it, there are so many more points to talk about regarding the film; if you are only complaining about that one aspect then you likely have little to actually talk about. You made one little comment about the plot, but never discussed it at length. It seems apparent that you simply decided to put down on a film so all you could do was pick out one or two things wrong with the film and stretch them out for a few paragraphs instead of write about the real important aspects of the film.

Like I said, I hope for some response, but then, you’re probably sick of hearing from people like me anyway.

Koinuchan on July 1, 2010 at 10:17 am

u think thus is bad look at cannibal holocaust

jim on July 21, 2010 at 4:08 pm

*this

jim on July 21, 2010 at 4:09 pm

If you can watch a movie like this and enjoy it you are dead inside, a hollow shell of a human being, desensitized to the point that you are addicted to the chemicals your brain releases when shown pornographic violence.

Sam on July 25, 2010 at 1:59 am

If Debbie watches this garbage, then why bother writing this review? Even reading this review is a piece of garbage itself.

John on July 30, 2010 at 2:47 am

You wouldn’t take your kids to see Reservoir Dogs.
You wouldn’t take your kids to see Se7en.
You wouldn’t take your kids to see The Silence Of The Lambs.

Don’t take your kids to see Watchmen, an obviously dark film, based on a an obviously dark book that has been famous since 1986.

As for the violence that was so extreme, Watchmen is a deconstruction of the superhero genre, basically meaning that it takes the genre apart to show that it would not work in a realistic setting. Broken bones and spraying blood would be the exact same result of any Batman or Spider-Man flick, were the characters portrayed realistically. Rorschach being an unlikable, violent psychopath is a purposeful. The orginal author was intended the character to be hateful, racist and misogynistic freak, not a role model. He was meant to show the serious psychological damage you’d have to have suffered to put on a mask and beat people up.

As for Watchmen fans being pretentious, well, some of us are. So let me put it in plain, simple english. Watchmen is a story. It is not a story intended for children. The characters and setting are vulgar and violent, but there are many vulgar, violent stories, and they have the same right to be heard as the sweet, innocent ones.

Your children didn’t walk into Watchmen on their own. As I said, you wouldn’t put your child near any other violent films. Just because the psychos in Watchmen wear tights, it’s a kids movie? Because Buffalo Bill was pretty flamboyant in Silence Of The Lambs and I’ll bet my bottom dollar you didn’t take your kids to see that.

John Doe on August 3, 2010 at 11:41 am

Lady, I beg you to shut up on topics you DO NOT KNOW A PICKLE ABOUT, not even your Texas chainsaw massacre reference is right(the original version had next to no gore), and did you even read the source material before ranting about the movie? I´m trying to be polite here, but I just can´t understand you adults and your stupid attemps at reaching a faux morality and just proving a lack of knowledge about everything. If you do not like the media, if you have no interest in the media, if you think that said media is inmoral, stay away from it.
Thanks for your attention (if you payed it) and do have a nice day.

Evan on August 8, 2010 at 4:22 am

Debbie, you gotta see KICK-ASS! You’re gonna love it!

film11 on August 10, 2010 at 10:34 am

FAIL. That one word describes this review. Epic, epic FAIL.

TheComedian on October 13, 2010 at 12:17 am

Why would is the word God censored at the end there?

I’d think the creator of all space and time who is watching the entire universe wouldn’t care about the letter “o” at all.

Jack on November 8, 2010 at 9:03 am

Hey, Deb.

Fuck you.

It’s an obviously rated R film, who ever takes their kid’s to a movie like that is obviously deranged, I’m not arguing with you there but… let me make some things clear to you, although you’ll probably ignore this and any other post along the same lines while continuing to write degrading reviews.

First of all: you offended me in the first two sentences.
A) I enjoyed the movie, and I would like to say I’m not vapid or moronic you witless fap.

B) Neither is my mother vapid or moronic.

In fact, I’m thinking you are the vapid and moronic one because you can’t seem to deduce the plot or even the point of this whole movie.

I’ll say that both my mother and I never heard of the Watchmen graphic novel –or comic book– before. So, I hadn’t had any familiarity to the movie, premise, characters what so ever. And I still knew it was rated R for a reason.

When I first watched it I’d mistaken it for a super-hero movie as well, but it’s obviously not. For starters the cover is too dark to be anything less then a noir-esque film, and it is more of a speculation on what would have happened if there were actual super heroes in real life.

Rorschach is experiencing a type of suppression and horror many COPS see on a daily or semi-daily basis.

Sorry, this post went out of my chronological order.

“In just the opening credits of this mindless celluloid claptrap, there’s a lesbian take-off on the famous photo of a woman kissing a sailor in Manhattan who is returning victorious from World War II. The lesbian make-out scene, featuring a “superhero,” is bad enough. But then, we see cops looking over their naked, bloodied, dead bodies on a bed, with the words “LESBIAN WHORES,” written in blood on the wall.”

Fuck you, super heroes can’t be lesbian? What, only white, straight-laced, good-women can be a super-heroine you closed-minded piece of botax-laden white-trash? Obviously you’re less concerned with the meaning of their deaths than that they were lesbian.

They were killed because, regardless of one being a superhero, people are still bigoted and biased and there are hate crimes committed.

It’s not “cool” to get history wrong, but it happened like that because of the interference of both superheroes and Dr. Manhatten who has powers that would interfere with time and politics.

And you know–

Wait, I forgive you. I just realized you’re a bigoted woman. And that I don’t need to waste time on this than I already have.

Go watch some movie you’d enjoy like… oh, wait, you’d tear even Snow White down, wouldn’t you?

God forbid you ever reach beyond this stupid blog.

~Hoping you grow a brain,

Alyssa

Alyssa on November 15, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Fuck you Debbie
Fuck you right in the ass

Carl Marx on December 7, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Good troll! I lol’d

Mike on December 15, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Why in the world did you take a bunch of scenes out of context and put them in bullet points? Of course the movie’s violent. It’s written right there in the MPAA’s rating. Is there a part 2 of this review that discusses the -point- of the violence?

Here are some other movies/series full of violent atrocities you can warn parents not to take their children to:

– Schindler’s List;
– Roots;
– Glory;
– Saving Private Ryan.

Most people have pointed out that the movie is R-Rated to begin with, so warning parents not to see the movie is a moot point. The bigger concern is how a professional critic completely missed the -point- of all that violence. If I took scenes out of context from any of the above, like a man being shot in the head, or a guy getting his foot chopped off, or families being subject to torture and humiliation, am I really giving the movie a fair review?

Why don’t you assess the -themes- that the movie orchestrates around each of these scenes? What kind of critic are you?

Jack Foley on December 16, 2010 at 6:03 am

I’m sorry Debbie, who are you and why should I give a fuck? Honest question.

Matt on December 22, 2010 at 11:21 pm

Who is this stupid cunt and why is she allowed near a computer?

debbieisacunt on January 4, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Why is it OK for violence in Inglorious Basterds and not OK in Watchmen? Are you really trying to tell us that violence is only acceptable when it serves your purposes?
You are exactly the kind of dangerous idiot that imperils America and caused 9/11.

debbieisacunt on January 4, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Go back to kitchen and fap to twilight rule 34 you cunt!

Fuckstick Mcshitpants on January 6, 2011 at 8:38 am

Ok, if the trailers are marketing this movie to the same audience as 300 and you can’t take the hint, then that’s your fault.

You’re complaining about historical inaccuracies. Why not go all the way and complain about the fact that superheros aren’t real.

Booster on January 13, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I’m getting the idea this whole site is dedicated to trolling

Dmn on March 14, 2011 at 9:59 am

What a review. WHAT a review! FanTASTIC, Debbie, simply WONderful job. Truly, you are open-minded to even watch such a film without rubbing hydrochloric acid in your eyes as a precautionary measure. You deserve a medal for serving our great nation by warning the fool multitude of the danger and horror of this evil entity, or as some might say, ‘movie’.

Rory on April 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

You are an idiot.

You are on April 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Keep up the good work, Deb. I’m a writer as well, and, as such, very up front in demonstrating what I feel, think, or know. People like us will always irritate lefty pseudos like many of these nincompoops who weighed in here, and called you every name under the sun. Unfortunately, they’re not much better or smarter than that, and their childishly stated opinions aren’t worth the slightest a drop of sweat. The best to you, Debbie, and I hope to read more of your work.

Shegundala on April 28, 2011 at 11:08 pm

“If you take your kids to see “Watchmen,” you’re a moron.”

This is the first and last intelligent sentence in this review. Except it’s not, really, is it? It’s not intelligent to accidentally get something right for all the wrong reasons.

John on May 30, 2011 at 3:16 pm

It isn’t a movie for kids. Children like anything that has enough colors in it. The point of Watchmen, even going back to the original comic, was it was made for adults, not children. the subject matter by nature should bore a child if they actually watched it or read the book. there is no badguy, no simple “lets make the kids feel good” scenes, there is nothing relate able for that audience, no easy tricks that make the film marketable.

The problem is that it was the most un-marketable super hero film because the story is impossible to convey to the simple movie going folk, there is nothing “marketable” about it outside of the character designs. The enemy is human fear. there’s no asshole in a mask jumping around telling people how evil he is. By the end of the movie it’s not even clear whether what happened was the right thing. You’re intended to think about what’s going on, think about the ending.

My dad enjoyed the watchmen movie far more than my 20 year old brother did because it dealt with things that he remembers being a big deal when he was young. If super heroes were real they would have a dangerous impact on the world. In most movies “regular people” are reduced the flat cheerleading crowds of nobodies. not real people. in watchmen the ordinary person matters more than the guy in the mask.

You never see superman fight actual horrible people. What if batman tracked down some super violent murderer you’d hear on the news? How would he react? Would he be able to compose himself in the face of that horror? It’s not about theatrics, it’s not about entertainment, it’s about presenting these difficult situations to the audience, and letting them make decisions on who the real villains are in the story if they even are at all.

It’s not a movie for children, it never was. The only thing that might on face value appeal to children is good artistic design. That’s just human nature right there, you can’t blame the makers of watchmen for being good at drawing. That’s just nonsense. Children shouldn’t be watching movies that are rated R anyways.

jackelbeaver on June 5, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I’m one of the people who helped work on this movie, and I’ve brought this ‘review’ to the attention of our lawyers. You should get a cease and desist within 24 hours, and likely a slander lawsuit afterwards.

King Reggin on August 1, 2011 at 12:21 am

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