May 4, 2012, - 1:29 pm

“The Avengers” is a Messy, Lackluster Bore

By Debbie Schlussel

I’m sure I’ll get a ton of hate-mail from fanboy slacker losers in “adult” bodies for saying this, as I always do when I knock down their flimsy sacred cows.  But I hated “The Avengers,” in theaters today.  I was really looking forward to the movie and wanted to like it.  But how could I?  It’s just long, dull, and boring.  The story is lame, and it ends up looking like a gazillion final scenes from every incarnation of “The Transformers” movies.  I walked out thinking, “Is that all there is?”  And I was thinking that all throughout the movie, waiting for it to take off and spark interest.

It’s a waste of what was almost 2.5 hours and seemed like seven.  The reason you go to movies like this is for the special effects, and even those weren’t so special.  I’ve seen it a gazillion times before.  And so have you.  On top of that, the 3-D was pointless, not coming even close to a movie that uses it well, such as “Hugo” (read my review).

No, there’s nothing objectionable about the movie (unless, like me, the vision of the anti-Israel, leftist spoiled hack, Gwyneth Paltrow, however brief, annoys the heck out of you).  No politics and or anything too dirty for kids.  In fact, the movie languishes in blandness.  Yes, there are some funny, snappy lines uttered by the different superheroes in the movie.  But it’s not supposed to be an occasional comedy of sarcastic lines.  It’s supposed to be a superhero movie.  And it’s just not super.  There’s no magic, no engaging story you, none of the charm you expect–and should expect–from superhero movies.


And it’s just not a tight, well-crafted script or plot.  Any superhero movie that can’t get its act together in two hours or less doesn’t cut it . . . or cut anything, including plenty of repeats of the same scenes and groanworthy gags.  Captain America, for instance, is the target of a running joke by the other superheroes because he fell asleep during World War II and woke up today.  They and he keep joking that he’s behind the times.  Um, I got it the first time.  Not funny.  Ditto for the non-stop goading by various parties to try to get Bruce Banner to turn into “The Hulk” or attempts to prevent him from getting angry so he doesn’t destroy the ship.  It gets old after like five times.  The writers and producers could do better.  A lot better.  But why would they?  They know that if they just slap the name, “The Avengers,” on a movie and include all the superheroes, it’ll be a blockbuster success, no matter what they do or what I say.  Again, just like the “Transformers” franchise.  All of the fanboys will brainlessly rush to pay their money to see the Midnight showing, without a second thought.  If terrorists really wanted to get us, they’d find a way to insert mind control or secret hypnosis and programming into these cinematic emperors with no clothing.

The actors, with the exception of Robert Downey, Jr.–who’s been pretty good as Tony Stark in the two “Iron Man” flicks–are mostly dull and, at best, adequate.  Mark Ruffalo–the most effeminate straight actor in Hollywood–as Bruce Banner and “The Hulk”?  Not buyin’ it.  He didn’t make the grade.  Scarlett Johansson was okay, too.  But it’s just that they had little to work with.  I like “The Hulk” and “Iron Man” movies, but not this milquetoast stew of all the superheroes and a crappy, unsuspenseful plot.

The story:  the superheroes are rounded up by a secret agent working for Samuel L. Jackson.  They all join forces on a submarine/spaceship to stop the Norse god, Loki, from destroying the earth with a power source he stole from the ship.  Thor, the Black Widow, Captain America, Iron Man, etc. all get together but spend most of their time quarreling over whose superpowers are superior and delivering sarcastic slapstick on the ship.  Like I said, it’s boring and repetitive.

When they finally have it out with Loki on the ship and in New York, the movie has been going for almost two hours already.  And then, it seems like it’s going to end about eight times before it finally does.  I was ready at punked ending #1.

Like I said, I’m sure I’ll get attacked by the mindless fanboy crowd, like I did when I knocked “The Watchmen” (read my review).  “Avengers” Derangement Syndrome now joins “Watchmen” Derangement Syndrome.  In their blind worship, they are almost as strictly orthodox and verbally abusive as Muslims (and jealous faux-“conservatives” like Michelle Fraudkin and her mind-addled cronies) in their jihad against me and any other who dares to criticize some of the obviously empty fictional idols of the Church of Comic Books and Graphic Novels (or at least the empty on-screen depictions of them).  They are so predictable and easily played by Hollywood and its marketers.  And I say this as a superhero and comic book fan–have been one since I was a kid and a my dad shared his vintage Captain Marvel and other comic books with me).

When I walked out of the “Avengers” screening a couple of weeks ago and said I didn’t like it, two liberal media critics–who are fanboys–verbally attacked me in the abusive manner you’d attack a violent criminal who just hit your child, while you watch police cuff him.

But that doesn’t faze me a bit or change the fact:  the movie was a long bore and a waste of time.

“The Avengers” is an empty shell wrapped in a lot of capes and tights, a lot of sarcasm and mild attempts at comedy, some cool special effects you’ve already seen .  .  . and not much else.

I’ve seen more magic and charm in a Barack Obama press conference.  And a visit to the dentist.

ONE REAGAN
reagancowboy

Watch the trailer .  .  .

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89 Responses

Glad I won’t see it, and didn’t see Watchmen, either. We did go see “Pirates: Band of Misfits” and liked it. “Puss in Boots,” a while back, was also fun.

Occam's Tool on May 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hard to believe how close our movie tastes are, my darling Debbie.

I don’t care for comic books movies. Never read comic books much, anyway. I didn’t care for the trying wayyyyy too hard to be cool Watchmen, either.

I love love love action movies, but don’t care for the “BOOM!” just for the sake of big noise movies. That’s why I never watched the Transformers movies, that and I don’t care for that sissy boy Shia LaPoof.

I will miss my other darling VAVOOOOOOMMMMMM honey Scarlett Johansson, though.

I’ve been busy, but hoping to see Safe with Jason Statham this weekend.

JW: I do like comic books, though. More as a kid, however. The comic books today are awful and silly. DS

Jeff_W on May 4, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Um, my 6 year old would like to see it. I’m sure he could care less about storylines, plots, special effects, or stupid running gags. I take him to the theater Sunday afternoon and wait around until the movie ends. I’m the hero, and the movie critics are zero. Too bad, so sad.

FrenchKiss on May 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    You hit the mark exactly. There is definitely a market for movies for 6-year-olds. And if this one entertains them, then I’m all for it.

    But still, do those movies really need to cost $220 million to make?

    Here’s one of the IMDB User Reiviews:

    “The only word I can think of to describe this movie is AWESOME.”

    ZZMike on May 4, 2012 at 4:19 pm

My grandson wants to see Avengers, so we might go, but not on day 1. I’m tough, I can take 2.5 hours of grueling movie ripoff. What I absolutely couldn’t take is the hours of watching all the bad movies that critics have to watch.

Dave M on May 4, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Hubby and I will be taking the grandsons this weekend… the grandgals show no interest and await the upcoming new TINKERBELL movie with great excitement.

We have no other interest in seeing this but we know the boys will love it…. I do wish that the story would have some saving graces for us OLD folks who are taking the little ones out to a movie and some popcorn,soda,candy….and so forth.

Kiss about $120 bucks goodbye! LOL It’s OK!!! Good way to spend an afternoon…with the kiddos.

Appreciate the review though.

Alabama Pride on May 4, 2012 at 2:52 pm

They had Samuel L. Jackson and couldn’t make this flick even half passable? Thank god I avoid films like this.

I, too, detest Gwyneth Paltrow. I love “Hard Eight” but wished another actress was used for her part because it’s one of my favourite films.

NOTHING in this film for me except the Australian who plays Thor. Not worth it. I saw Thor for my nephew and didn’t like it all that much except for him and when they were filming on his planet.

Skunky on May 4, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I cringed when I saw terror-loving, Jew-(self)hating Chris Martin and Coldplay on American Idol last night.

adam on May 4, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I admit to being a big comic book geek in my younger days, so I gotta go see this (and use my kids as a cover for going!)

Anybody remember the classic Avengers vs. Defenders series?

Looking forward to “Battleship” next….

D. O'Nay on May 4, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Comic book fan? – Oh yeah. I still won’t say Shazam indoors, just in case.

If anybody is hating on Gwyneth Paltrow for her politics they might as well be hating on Samuel L. for the same reason. I think they are both fine actors but Jackson stated in an interview that he voted for Obama because Obama is black. Hmm, judging a man by the color of his skin instead of the content of his character, eh Jackson? Isn’t that raaaacist?

Richard on May 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I’ll reserve judgment on “The Avengers” until I see it. But if it’s as good as the first two “Iron Man” films, well, I shall consider it money well worth spent.

Seek on May 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I’m not going to lie. I’ve been a diehard comic book fan since I was a little boy. Especially Supeman, Batman, Spiderman, X-men, Justice League and the Avengers. I still have the 80’s series of the Avengers when Hercules got hurt and they had to fight the Olympian Gods. I’m glad that we have a straight shooter like you Debbie to screen movies for us. My youngest son has taken after me in his love for comics and he has been dying to see this film. Your right Debbie about Robert Downey Jr. His portrayal of filthy rich, former alcoholic playboy genius inventor Tony Stark is right on the money. Plus having Scarlett Johansson playing Black Widow is an added bonus. Not sure about Samuel L Jackson playing Nick Fury though. He irked me with his comments about the TEA Party and the fact that he voted for Obumbler because he’s black. It’s just frustrating that he along with other blacks will vote for that doofus again for the same reason. I can’t wait though when the new Batman, Spiderman and Superman hit the big screen. Hey Debbie who do you think is better Black Widow or Black Canary?

Ken b on May 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Ken B., the most ridiculous person I heard of who voted for Obama-Putin “because he was black” was the disgusting, druggy and “supposed to be scary” dork Marilyn Manson.

    When a piece of filth like that has to lay his “I voted for the black man” cards on the table you know America has fallen into a state of parody we may never recover from. And a “Kidz Bop” CD has just surpassed his for being more cool in that revelation!

    Skunky on May 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm

who cares what this dumb kike thinks?

obama smash on May 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Debbie,
I wish I read your reviews back when Jarhead came out. Sheeesshh. Never again.

John on May 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm

@ obama smash, is that you Mr Gibson?

John on May 4, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I’ll definitely be seeing it. I’ve been waiting for AGES for it and, while I’m sorry you didn’t like it (although I have to raise an eye at your pre-emptive “fanboy”-bashing), I’ll just chalk it up to us having different tastes in films. I actually DID enjoy Watchmen (and, in fairness Debbie, it wasn’t necessarily your dislike of the film that got people’s backs up but your blanket condemnation of people who DID like it for whatever reason and the epithets you used to describe them), but where I did agree with you on that one was it was NOT a film to which anyone should have taken the kids.

I’ll be seeing Dark Shadows in a couple of weeks, too. I already know in advance that you won’t like that, which is a shame. But then, it makes the very rare occasions on which I do agree with you all the more sweet. :D

Alison on May 4, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I love reading Debbie’s movie reviews, while I don’t always agree with her, there have been some movies I liked that she panned, she is always right when it comes to the relly foul and vile and anti american, anti Israel content. I like that she tells me if something is anti Christian even though she is not. Her reviews although I do not let them stop me from seeing every movie she did not like, she has saved me countless money and time and brain cells on trash that I should not be giving my hard earned money for. Please, read her reviews, take them in and make your own choice, for me, I agree with her about 70% of the time. Thanks Debbie.

John on May 4, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Oh, let’s be honest. This type of movie is GAY!!!! A bunch of guys in tights, running around slapping each other on the back, etc? No heroine to be saved? No hot dames? (Paltrow looks like an overused dishrag at this point in her life–at best she was a butterface.)

The only thing gayer than this movie is Obama when he tries to act like a man.

Jonathan E. Grant on May 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Skunky, I couldn’t agree with you more about that freakazoid Marilyn Manson. Equally disgusting was his then girlfriend Rose McGowan. I don’t know if you remember when these two nitwits were at some publicized outing and Rose had on a “dress” that left most of her business showing. Don’t get me wrong I love it when women wear nice dresses and gowns but you don’t have to look like a dirty skank. Even if your boyfriend is a POS Obamadrone.

Ken b on May 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I said it many times in response to her movie reviews, so I’ll say it again:

I have netflix and the internet. No need for me to go blow money on a overpriced ticket, with overpriced food, sitting near some idiots and ignorants who don’t know how to conduct themselves when a movie is playing. I haven’t been to the movies just about 4 years, so I’ll be waiting for the avengers on DVD.

Squirrel3D on May 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I loved “The Avengers” which I saw in a packed theater. I consider it one of the best superhero movies ever made. It was far, far better (I thought) than “Thor,” “Iron Man 2,” the Fantastic 4 films and the Hulk films. It was also superior to teen-targeted superhero films like Spider-Man and X-Men (that goes without saying since teen films are invariably petty and diseased).

I was shocked during the movie when characters started talking about the value of “freedom” (yes, they used that word) and the importance of stars and stripes to represent traditional American values. Didn’t Josh Whedon (who wrote and directed) get the memo from Hollywood that progressivism has made freedom and American symbols obsolete? My own view is that this film had a more conservative subtext and script than both Iron Man 1 and 2, and I think it was even more conservative than the Batman series.

Paltrow had a very tiny role in the film, and I was glad of that since she’s a jerk both in real life and in the film. I loved all the other characters, though–and that’s weird because they did little for me in the original movies from which they were all drawn.

In short, judging from what Debbie said above, it seems I’m “your typical fanboy slacker loser in an ‘adult’ body.” Sigh. I always worried that might be the case.

Burke on May 4, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I said it many times in response to her movie reviews, so I’ll say it again:

I have netflix and the internet. No need for me to go blow money on a overpriced ticket, with overpriced food, sitting near some idiots and ignorants who don’t know how to conduct themselves when a movie is playing. I haven’t been to the movies just about 4 years, so I’ll be waiting for the avengers on DVD.

Look, debbie has a different view on things. I can’t respond to what she’s said unless I’ve seen the movie myself. So for all the ignorants and idiots that didn’t see it yet shouldn’t have an opinion on her ether. If they do, then they are the blind sheep-like morons she was talking about.

Squirrel3D on May 4, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I’m hardly surprised that the Avengers is just cynical soulless drivel. I actually hardly agree with Debbie’s movie reviews, but I would take her word on this one. The thing is how many good superhero movies have there been? I don’t ever go see them nowadays. Even the passable ones are just bleh.

Just as a matter of interest, so many of the early comic book creators, writers and artists in America were Jewish. From the creators of Superman (who got shafted over) to so many of the Marvel heroes. Stand-out giants here include of course Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. Will Eisner was also brilliant. With the exception of Lee (and fanboys have this love-hate thing for Lee), they truly suffered for their art, got shafted and often lived on pittances. In other words, usual starving artist/writer thing. The thing is now Hollywood studios generate gazillions from their creations which they mess up anyhow with lowest common denominator soulless mind-numbing garbage.

You see the same pattern with Hollywood churning out P K Dick product after product (and often messing it up badly), yet P K Dick himself was so obscure in his lifetime and went through periods where he literally had no money at all.

Larry in Tel Aviv on May 5, 2012 at 2:44 am

I go with Debbie on the movie reviews. I can’t count the number of ones she was right on the money.

Perhaps Debbie you are getting too old for comic book movies? I was a big comic book guy as a kid. As I aged, they lost their appeal to me. They are 2-dimensional caricatures of the sort that young child-like minds can’t question or recognize flaws. It is what it is. But having gotten older, I need more meat in my characters. My heroes fight battles of right and wrong in life. Not some made-up Mr. or Mrs. Evils.

PitandPen on May 5, 2012 at 8:06 am

My fanboy friend called me to say the film was the best he’s ever seen, typical high praise of a fan-boy. Super-Hero movies have long ago “Jumped the Shark”. I liked Spider Man 1, Iron Man 1 and a few others, but they are mainly sucky and I won’t even get into Ben Affleck and Nic Cage’s Super Hero disasters….good review Deb.

Steve Epps on May 5, 2012 at 11:53 am

I’ve read a lot of good reviews of this movie, some even saying it is amazing. I saw it yesterday, though, and was disappointed.

There is no reason this had to be 2.5 hours long, seeing as the back stories of the heroes were established in previous films. Nevertheless, over an hour is spent with back story on how all the heroes assembled together.

The one advantage this film had was that it didn’t have to dull the audience with boring back stories, but Joss Whedon somehow was able to bore me with boring back story. Bruce Banner doesn’t even transform until well into the movie.

I would have enjoyed this movie much more if were a lot shorter.

Tim on May 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm

If the Little People enjoy it who cares.

If it is not blatanly un-American who cares.
THE Black guy has to go though.

HollyWeird cannot leave well enough alone and not indoctrinate us enough.

If the little folk like it enough to laugh it was worth it.

Bloodyspartan on May 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I loved it. It’s nine times better than any other drek that has come out of Hollywood in the last few years. It tells a story and I think, does it well.

If you’re wondering if it has a conservative subtext, well…it certainly doesn’t have a liberal one. Captain America makes it pretty clear he’s a Christian. The first person to stand up to Loki isn’t a superhero, but an older German man “who has kneeled once, and never again.” (Holocaust survivor, maybe?) The politician who complains about the property damage caused by the final battle is a Democrat. And the Avengers are all about standing up, standing together, and fighting back even when they’re told the battle is hopeless.

This isn’t Watchmen. Watchmen was an attempt at deconstructing superheroes, if by “deconstruction” one means “drag them through crap.” The original Watchmen comic was pretentious crap written by a zoned-out hippie. The movie was no better. Avengers isn’t like that at all.

I read comics because I like to be entertained, which is the same reason I went to this movie. I was, so consider the money well spent.

I’m not going to rail on Debbie for not liking it. Hey, she has a right to her opinion! I only wonder if she’s ragging on it to be contrary…but she did give it one Reagan, which is more than 90% of the movies she reviews gets.

If you like comics, or liked comics, or just want a good popcorn movie, the Avengers is worth it. If that’s not your cup o’ joe, then skip it. We fanboys won’t mind. We’re too busy having fun with our kids.

Sentinel on May 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Good. No loss here. I despise Morton Downey Jr. and Samuel L. Jackson – overrated, uncharismatic, cokehead and sucks all the energy out of any film he’s in, respectively.

Thanks for enduring all these films so you can review them for us, Debbie.

DS_ROCKS! on May 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    You are an idiot.

    Strelok on May 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Deb –

I read your blog every day because I respect and rely on your incisive and accurate analysis of the real life threats our republic faces.

You are much more valuable than any comic book movie ‘some’ may enjoy.

(…..guilty pleasures not withstanding…….)

Nick Fury on May 5, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I miss something here? I may have to look more into this Debbie Schlussel chick, but I came across this blog / “review” while I was googling Avengers reviews before taking my kids to see it. Seriously, did this woman really just use the terms “anti-Semite” and get all political (or attempt to get political) on a comic-book movie review?

Wow, just wow!

And there are FANS of this chick?

I am no “fanboy” sending emails, just a normal dad seeking reviews on a movie that my kids wanted to see.

I probably shouldn’t even have commented here, but it is rare that you find such a hate spewing individual with some maniacal agenda while posting a review on a movie based on a comic.

Debbie, you should seek a mental evaluation, and to Debbie’s fans, shame on you for supporting this unhealthy hatred and straight up retardation even on the Internet.

I may have to follow this persons blog from now on, just to remind me of how sick human beings can be.

Wow, just wow……

Will S on May 5, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Will, maybe it is best you’re not familiar here because your use of WOW just told us alllllll we gotta know about you.

    And it ain’t good.

    Skzion knows what I’m talking about, LOL! :D

    Skunky on May 6, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Will, if you haven’t already guessed it, this is a very happy right-wing terrorist website which is read mostly by happy right-wing warriors, wallowing in Truth as interpreted by the Fair Princess Debbie. We’ve all taken a secret (oops! it’s outta the bag NOW!) pledge to check in as often as possible to have our right-wing biases confirmed and, indeed, celebrated! As for the “hate” you perceive here, well, it’s been both our collective & individual experiences that “hate” is ideas & beliefs that conflict with Liberal ideology and PC-gone-amok! Indeed, “Truth is the new Hate Speech!” So, you’ve been warned: if you stick around for awhile, you just MIGHT learn a thing or three and realize that the world also consists of people who do not inhabit your bubble…

    Joy on May 6, 2012 at 1:51 am

      Well said, Joy. “Truth is the new Hate Speech!” Perfect. Notice there’s no rebuttal of Debbie on any particular facts, just disdain that anyone would have the bad taste to discuss anti-Semitism in a movie that will reach 100 million viewers worldwide and perhaps earn a billion dollars. How gauche of her! How dare she! What do you think this is, a free society where people offer different opinions? Maybe we should just ban the Internet if people can’t control themselves a little more.

      As for Will’s advice for Debbie to get a “mental evaluation,” it’s not surprising. It’s such a tidy way liberals have for us all to reach heaven on earth without anyone having to tolerate the bad manners of different opinions and approaches. Call it “psychological fairness.”

      Burke on May 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Hey Slick-Willy-boy, if you don’t like DS’s movie reviews, then don’t comment here, it’s that simple. Another thing Slick-Willy-boy, if you disagree with any of Debbie’s film-review’s do it in a respectful, reasonable and rational way instead of attacking the messenger and using ad hominiem attacks, it show’s how weak and pathetic you really are emotionally.

    So what if you’re not a fan of her film-reviews, big deal, just because you disagree with someones POV there all of a sudden “retarded” in you’re sick and pathetic thinking Slick-Willy-boy? You’re the one who has emotional issues Willy-boy.

    And BTW, Debbie works for the “Detroit Film Critics Society”, and she’s been a film-critic for almost a decade, so apparently the woman KNOWS what she’s talking about, and you know why Slick-Willy-boy, because she uses ALOT of “critical-thinking” and “logic” something you and you’re ilk of unhinged loons don’t understand and fail to grasp. While where at it Willy-boy, do you work for a “Film Critic Society” company in you’re area? If so, why don’t you start you’re own blog or website and counter what Debbie said about this film, instead of trolling here and “throwing stones at glass-houses” and doing childish and immature tactics like what you did in you’re pathetic message!

    “A nation is defined by its borders, language & culture!”

    Sean R. on May 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I’ve never seen so many people reviewing or judging a movie they haven’t seen. Good job, Debbie! You’ve got your sheeple agreeing with you in lockstep.

What do you guys do the rest of the day when Debbie’s not telling you what to think?

John on May 5, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Here’s where I’m coming from (and, OK, it might give away my age…): Namely, when I heard that they were making a movie called, “The Avengers,” silly me thought they were going to bring back that terrific Brit TV series from the 60s & 70s starring Patrick McNamee and Diana Rigg!! That’s how much I keep up with the times! Besides, although a great devotee of comic books back in the day, mine were mostly “chick-style” books (Archie & Nancy & like that, but, of course, Dick Tracy was a hero as well!) – and that was LONG ago!! I forget the last super-hero movie I saw, but I still love the orig. King Kong, even though some aspects & scenes from the two later remakes were not bad. And I liked Jurassic Park (all chapters), too. But none of these, of course, had super-heros – just mere mortals that acted heroically…

Joy on May 6, 2012 at 1:59 am

Gotta say I’m a little annoyed to hear Edward Norton isn’t playing Bruce Banner. To me, he’s come the closest to protraying the nerdy scientist who couldn’t fight like Bill Bixby did in the TV show. I’m guessing he wanted too much money to reprise his role. I’ll watch it when it hits dvd. I don’t need to pay theater prices to watch it.

MarkSWFL on May 6, 2012 at 2:30 am

I’m not a comic book guy but I’m definitely a big sci-fi fan. I’d have to give this a mixed review at best. I definitely wouldn’t recommend it. It has a lot of really lame dialogue. Downey was pretty good when I could understand what he was talking about. There was some good acting. I really wish I had gone to see Lockout. I wasn’t expecting it to disappear after only one week. The big sci-fi movie I am waiting for is Prometheus. You can tell from the trailers that all of the denials of it being an Alien prequel are bull. If its as good as the trailers make it out to be, then it looks like we have the makings of another Ridley Scott classic.

Daniel Middleman on May 6, 2012 at 2:32 am

@ joy – “Truth is the new Hate Speech!”… ain’t that the truth!

DS_ROCKS! on May 6, 2012 at 5:07 am

Sentinel, about your comment about the German man who stood up to Loki: That was a key scene indicating conservative subtext and I think a milestone in a Hollywood picture. The elderly German specifically commented on the way Nazis took away people’s “freedom.” Of course, Nazi racism is well known and loathed, but the opposition that Nazis had to freedom in particular (they were National Socialists, after all, not libertarians) is an embarrassment to liberals and never mentioned because it reminds them too much of themselves. The view of this film shows a different perspective. Liberals like to view Nazis as basically just stupid conservative thugs–Southern “rednecks” only more so. They were not. Actually, Nazis hated free business and wanted it controlled, promoted extreme animal rights and food control, and mandated national health care. They were freedom haters–that is, liberal Democrats–as well as genocidal sociopaths. This insertion by Whedon is, I think, a bold one, and will help counteract the fake meme that Nazis were just a lot of angry Republicans of their day.

Burke on May 6, 2012 at 11:22 am

I was always a DC Comics fan when I was a kid. The movies based on the Marvel Comics, like this one, characters never interested me.

Escovado on May 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm

*Place ‘characters’ in front of ‘like this one’ to make my last post make sense. :)

Escovado on May 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

The only thing that’s “long, dull and boring” is your face Debbie… you are an old person why are you watching movies aimed at 15 yo kids and people that actually grew up in the 80’s loving these characters?

Stalin on May 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Hi, I’m one of those “fanboy slacker losers in ‘adult’ bodies” you were talking about. Nice ad hominem there, by the way. Really classy.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that the Helicarrier is neither a submarine nor a spaceship. It’s an airship. You’d think a comic book fan, which you purport to be, would know that. Or at least, you’d think someone who’d seen the movie would know that, since in the movie the Helicarrier did not at any time go underwater or into space.

Katie on May 6, 2012 at 1:23 pm

You write like a 6 year old.

Von Dunk on May 6, 2012 at 1:26 pm

So, while you may have some validity in your article, starting it off by calling anyone who disagrees with you “…fanboy slacker losers in “adult” bodies” only serves to illegitimise your opinion and paints you as a judgemental and immature bitch.

Then again, what was I supposed to expect from a “conservative commentator” other than name calling? :V

Phillip on May 6, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wow, this is really insulting to a lot of people out there. People are entitled to their opinions, but I can’t really support a “review” that uses so much space to degrade the fanbase.

John on May 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Well, i’m sorry you didn’t like the movie. It’s always a shame when you pay to see a film and are disappointed. That said, did calling those that enjoyed the film “fanboy slacker losers in “adult” bodies”? This feels horribly unprofessional, rude, and entirely unneeded.

Mike Taylor on May 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Ok, I didn’t think I’d post a comment but after reading what everyone else said I feel it’s necessary to thank you, Debbie, for making me laugh so heartily.
The review itself is hilarious of course with all the insults towards people with different opinions than yours, but the comments made my day. I honestly didn’t believe people like this existed, but here they are! Actual, real-life conservative stereotypes and there I was assuming the “haters” were exagerating.
Oh and congratulations on the part about the muslims and the jihad you had me laughing for a good minute there.

Hilarious! on May 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Hey fanboys who liked Avengers – why not give your hard-earned money to another fabulous movie – LOCKOUT? My son and I went to see this and BOTH of us enjoyed it a great deal. Have to admit, I haven’t been all that excited about seeing Avengers, even though my son wants to. I’m still waiting for Battleship and Batman later this summer.

Denise on May 6, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Debbie is jus a hater Nuff said,she can suckadick

debbieisahater on May 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Hey everybody, DS is a critic…you can take or leave her opinion for what you think it’s worth.

Jeez! If peeps get their knickers in a twist about a ferkakte movie review no wonder those of lesser intelligence hate DS for her tough and well-schooled takes on politics and current events.

Who cares if you don’t like her OPINION on a movie! It’s just a movie for crying out loud. Learn to enjoy what YOU like more than what someone thinks of a fricken’ movie! For fu**s sake!

Skunky on May 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Exactly and well said Skunky, some of these posters who commented here are being too defensive and using too much emotions and feelings, instead of “critical thinking”, is this what this great republic has come to, where people no longer uses critical thinking, and resort to emotions and feelings?

    And also to those of you who commented and disliked what DS said, for godsakes the woman is a “film critic” who BTW works for the “Detroit Film Critic Society”, do any of you work for a Film Critic Society company/organization? She’s been a film critic for nearly a decade and counting, so she knows what she’s talking about. And if her by saying “fanboy slacker losers in adult bodies”, so what, big deal, get over yourself and stop acting like an infant or toddler with tantrum issues.

    With Debbie saying “fanboy slacker losers in adult bodies”, is kinda funny to me, some of you semi DS-critics need to get yourself a sense of humor and quit being humorless. Also with her in that funny sentiment, she was being “sarcastic”, something you DS-critics who commented here failed to understand before you crapped in your under-clothes and started moaning and bitching!

    “A nation is defined by its borders, language & culture!’

    Sean R. on May 6, 2012 at 10:21 pm

      Spot on Sean and “Fanboys” (We’ve all rolled our eyes at them and cringed “Oh-no”! at them) are more tolerable with a self-deprecating sense of humour.

      I like “Animal Kingdom” way more than DS did and I didn’t have a cow. People have a right to their own tastes.

      One time (even though she strongly warned NOT to waste one’s time watching a film) I watched a film she panned because I felt “maybe I am more artsy than DS and I’ll like it” and I was so sorry I did not listen to her. I had no one to blame but ME. And the film annoyed me in a very visceral way, too so I should have heeded her warning. (“Tiny Furniture”) I fumed longer than usual at that mistake!

      Part of the great fun of reading DS’ reviews is how hilariously descriptive she is is describing her like or dislike. My goodness, it’s not always about YOU. If you like a film she pans more power to you! It’s fun to enjoy things that make one happy!

      Skunky on May 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I have to add that I thought the heli-carrier thing was just ridiculous. I know this is sci-fi but the idea that there could be some kind of VTOL technology like this that could lift a carrier was just a little too much for me.

Daniel Middleman on May 6, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I almost half expect Deb to not like some movies but that is the beauty of life. For me Watchmen was brilliant but the Avengers ? not so much. I tell most people it might as well have been called “Iron Man 3 + Friends” because really it is Stark’s one liners and scenes that are best here.
Some thoughts:
-Loki was FAR better here than in that awful Thor movie (with the stupid outfits).
-Thor is the blonde hulk, he sucks, way too much Thor
-Samuel L Jackson could not unbore nick Fury
-All the tech and that flying ship can’t stand a couple of ARROWS ? really ? Hawkeye has no super powers, that made no sense that he could make shots like that.
-Who were these things with Loki and why ? plot.. hello?
-no backstory on blackwidow/hawkeye
-the hulk/loki scene was funny as was loki/stark

I understand that the original plot of the comic was with Loki.. but man could you have come up with something better ?
Is this flick entertaining ? It was to me, but I wouldn’t call it great. They did keep the actual death/violence/gore/sex to a minimum so this can be seen by various age groups. I was actually surprised that they let Cap America say “there is only one god” and then he hit a punchline.. but that certainly wasn’t PC. X-Men First Class was a far better buddy hero movie imo.

Ego on May 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

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