July 16, 2012, - 2:43 pm

“Fifty Shades of Grey”: Not “Mommy Porn,” Just Porn; Disgusting, Violent Fantasy of Middle-Aged Unhappy Women

By Debbie Schlussel

Yesterday and previously on this site, I told you that “Fifty Shades of Grey,” “Twilight,” and “Magic Mike” are the fantasies of unhappy middle-aged women who need fantasy because they don’t appreciate the real men in their lives. Today, Rush Limbaugh said almost the same thing on his show. I recently read the mindless “Fifty Shades of Grey” book, the first of three installments in a trilogy by pudgy, disgusting middle-aged former BBC producer Erika Leonard a/k/a “E. L. James.” And I was appalled. A young virgin college student is deflowered by a billionaire in his late ’20s who is the son of a crack whore (and was tortured as a young kid with cigarette burns) and insists that all women in his life agree to bondage and sado-masochism as his victim. The girl decides to assume this role because, hey, he’s rich and handsome. For the privilege of spanking her, slapping her senseless with a belt, tying her up and cuffing her to grids and bedposts, and then having sex with her, he gives her a Mac laptop, a Blackberry, a new Audi car, and a closet full of fancy designer clothes. And this crazy lady who wrote this thinks this is romantic. Sadly, too many American women do, too. And that’s why this crap is a big hit. They are drinking it up like sweet wine, intoxicated and turned on by the idea of being beaten senseless by a handsome man with money. Where I come from we have a name for that: “ho.” But, instead, “The View” has had several segments on the book, including one with sex toys and whips “inspired by Fifty Shade of Gray.” Yup, this is the kind of stuff Islamic terrorists are talking about when they recruit suicide bombers based on our “decadence.” They should just make this book part of the jihadist recruitment package.


E.L. James: Warped, Zhlubby Chico’s Victim Author of “Fifty Shades of Grey”

It’s not just that the book is filthy, vulgar, low-class, and every other word is the F-word. It’s that it’s crap. It’s poorly written (reads like it was dictated verbatim from a fourth grader), involves zero thought, and has the vocabulary of a Valley Girl. The repetitive lines will drive you nuts, and they’re not the words of a young college grad. “Oh, my”–the expression of a 70-year-old PBS-viewing cat lady (and probably E.L. James)–is the most common phrase in the book, followed by a gazillions repeats of “Holy crap,” “Holy s–t,” “f—” (and other forms of the F-word), “he frowned,” “I frowned,” “his mouth was in a straight line,” “he runs his hands through his tousled hair,” “my just-f—ed hair,” “my sex,” and constant repeats of he exact lines about how handsome this guy is, the same outfit he always wears, and how pants hang on him. Even the sex scenes are exactly the same, repetitive, filthy, and stupid, not to mention gross (period sex and blood all over–believe me, I’m even more embarrassed and disgusted writing about this on my site than you are reading it, but you need to know how depraved America’s women are becoming in their preferred “class” of entertainment and how low we’ve sunk as a society). There’s no difference between this and the trash in the Penthouse Forum. It’s ridiculous and could be the basis for a juvenile drinking game. The book is an illicit time bandit. Valuable seconds, minutes, hours you’ll never get back. It’s empty carbs. And it’s filled with Britishisms that Americans don’t use, yet it’s about Americans. But, hey, it’s wrapped in pretend culture. Christian Grey, the “sick but sexy” billionaire in the book, listens to classical music and can play it on piano (just like Condoleezza Rice!). And now there’s even “Music of Fifty Shades of Grey” compilation, so that Bach and Beethoven’s ghosts are also unwillingly enslaved in this farce of pretentiousness and weird sex and violence.

When I was a kid, they had a name for this: Harlequin Romance. Only stupid, idiotic women, whom no one took seriously, read them, then. And that’s who’s reading and enjoying this horrible book, now. Unfortunately, the marketplace is taking these idiots seriously because the only bottom line is the almighty dollar. (Plagiarist, faux-conservative Monica Crowley of FOX News, by the way, is one of the mindless middle-aged connoisseurs of this crap.) They won’t appreciate real, masculine men, who try hard every day, working and putting food on the table. They’d rather be feminists, berate their husbands and boyfriends, and then writhe in enjoyment in this S&M whips fiction. It’s sad, pathetic. And as I noted yesterday, it’s beyond sick. You gotta wonder what kind of women are into the young teen boys of “Twilight” and so on. If the gender roles were reversed, we’d call them pedophiles and pigs. And that’s what these women are. The women who read this garbage are upset that the book is often derided as “mommy porn,” and they’re sort of right. There’s nothing “mommy” about it. It’s just porn.


Limbaugh got it wrong on the “Fifty Shades” books. He says feminists wouldn’t like it. Au contraire, mon frere. This is the new feminism. Bored, unhappy feminists need more, and for these sick women, this is the more. They know about these books and deliberately haven’t said a thing about it. In fact, as I e-mailed a friend last night, “Where the heck are Gloria Steinem and the feminists on this book, which advocates violence against women and sex slavery as romance?” As I noted to my friend, they are strangely silent, just as they are about Islam. I also noted to my friends that the same feminist women who were up in arms about Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a whore seem to have no prob with this book that advocates agreeing to become a victim of violence. That’s because the “Fifty Shades” is the full circle of feminism and it’s hypocritically acceptable to feminists the same way Islam’s treatment of women is. It’s also because these women have now beaten and degraded men in every forum: college and grad schools (where women dominate the student bodies and men are falling behind), the workplace (where women are taking a lot of the jobs, due to affirmative action in hiring and other reasons), the home (where women are now the ones in many cases bringing home the larger paycheck and, therefore, have the power), and in entertainment (where movies with topless, writhing men, like “Magic Mike,” are big hits; and even the kids’ movies are feminist, anti-male animations, like “Brave”). You even have women coaching men’s football teams. They run everything, and, for them, the only way to feel rewarded, in our incredibly spoiled and unsated country, is to seek the more exotic and deviant: to be dominated by men in just one arena, where they sickly believe they are really calling the shots by agreeing to this bizarre sexual violence. Since women now have much of the power, the only way–as delusional as it is–for them to feel feminine is to be part of or fantasize about being beaten.

I’d hate to be this woman’s husband, Niall Leonard, because this deranged “Twilight” fan–yes the 49-year-old is an extreme fan of the movies and books meant for young adults–clearly wrote about what she wishes her husband was but isn’t. Despite the fact that he’s a successful writer of UK TV shows, it’s clearly not enough for her. And now, by dint of her porno book’s success, he’s gotten his first book contract, to write a young adult book. The problem is that young adults are reading his wife’s BDSM porno books. And that his biggest success is on the coattails of his schlubby wife’s disatisfaction with him and daydreams and fantasies of some sick fairy tale. That he’s still with her tells us where his testicles are: long ago separated from him, never to return. He’s joined the lowlifes panting at his slovenly wife’s every word. Today’s women are coarse, and they’ve made this slob-ette a god, to the point that their worship at her alter-of-the-fantasy-of-older-fat-chicks got her named to the TIME Magazine list of the 100 most influential people. Sorry, but my G-d isn’t an unsatisfied, overweight fashion victim of Chico’s. And my religion’s gospel isn’t prurient crap intended to dumb down the world through salacious fertilizer.

Remember that the majority of people in America who bought this book also elected Barack Obama. BDSMs for Obama. (How ironic that the letters are so similar to the BDS group attacking Israel and trying to put the Jewish state out of biz. How further ironic that this authoress of dung, E.L. James, was a producer at the British network, BBC, which is trying to do the same.)

Fifty Shades of Grey is an IQ test for American women. If you liked it, you failed. You’re common. And you have no class.

TEN MARXES PLUS FIVE BIN LADENS [OFF THE SCALE]
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