October 16, 2012, - 6:26 pm

MUST-SEE Hilarious/Scary Photo of the Day: Weirdly Tanned Cyborg-Like Human

By Debbie Schlussel

When I first saw the photo below, I thought it was a photoshop. Couldn’t be real. The untanned small head on the giant, bronzed colossus told me no way it could be an actual person. But, yup, it’s a real dude. A real life human. Looks like the villain from the next superhero movie, right? While I respect fitness and some muscle definition is attractive, when you look Robocoppier than Robocop, there’s something really weird going on. Does any women really find this attractive? I sure don’t. The body building video shows this human cyborg and his fellow cyborgians flexing at a competition, the Arnold Classic Europe, apparently named after the bloated, fake Republican, failed, ex-Gov of Cauliflowernia and baby daddy to ugly maids.

Ick (how much steroids do you think these bizarros are consuming?) . . .

Is the human body really supposed to look like a bulky upside-down trapezoid with a lollipop sticking out on the top?

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30 Responses

I went to one of these bodybuilding competitions once because a friend of mine was competing (if you want to get into the business of being a top personal trainer or making fitness videos, you need wins from these events on your resume – and although everyone competing is in shape, not everyone looks so 0% body fat grotesque).

Yet that “tan” is body paint they all use because apparently it highlights the muscles better. It washes off when they are done.

Brad on October 16, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Ugh! Disgusting.

skzion on October 16, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Totally agree, sk. A nicely toned body is a plus and nice, natural olive or darker skin a really big plus but I look for intelligence in the face and LIFE in the eyes. This is pure ugliness.

    Italkit on October 17, 2012 at 5:25 am

First, competitors in these events “cut” leading into the event. That’s how they look like they’re at 2 or 4% bodyfat. The rest of the time, they are carrying more fat.

Second, the real shame is that these guys are freakzillas thanks to the roids, just like Arnold was.

It makes them look obscene. It makes impressionable young men everywhere think they need to look this big too, not realizing it’s simply impossible without abusing their body with steroids. Or to think they need to “have a six-pack” (meaning visible abs, since we all have sixpacks even if you can’t see it under the subcutaneous fat) or they’re “fat”. Again, not realizing that these guys (competitions) are not at 4% bodyfat ALL the time, and especially not when in a bulking (read: muscle building) phase. Thank Joe Weider for popularizing the competition look in magazines, not realizing the fallout it would cause amongst people who don’t know what 10 months of the year looks like for these bodybuilders.

It’s as bad as model magazines glorifying anorexic or airbrushed women, causing young girls to think that they must look that way to be “pretty”.

PitandPen on October 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

He will a perfect lover for you

braderyy on October 16, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Fitness, when carried too far is a form of narcissism.

Little Al on October 16, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Does the ’49’ infer 49 mm??????????

Not Ovenready on October 16, 2012 at 10:20 pm

They belong under a circus tent. This is nothing more than a high-end freak show.

Worry01 on October 16, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Saw a picture of another competitor and what the bronze paint was hiding, a horrible case of steroid acne.

ender on October 16, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Debbie not to worry. My head and body are in perfect proportion. I have a couple of nicks and scratches and I’ve got some nagging heath issues and I’m starting to go grey but otherwise I’m in good shape. Please call me if you have any questions about my appearance, my impeccable hygeine, my high moral and ethical standards, my love for Yiddishkeit > actual Jews, or my ability to make you chuckle.

A1 on October 17, 2012 at 12:00 am

    A1 is quite the catch, I’m sure.

    skzion on October 17, 2012 at 11:37 am

    A1 sez:

    “… my love for Yiddishkeit > actual Jews”

    So finally–direct from the bottle of rancid steak sauce itself–that A1 is not a Jew. I’ve suspected this and commented here about it a couple of times. Still, we can’t insist that NO Jew could EVER be as weirdly perverted as A1.

    Debbie, why havn’t you banned this cretin?

    skzion on October 17, 2012 at 11:47 am

Where did he get the skin coloring stuff. I want that!

Unlike that foo’, I won’t forget to do my face. I want to exploit affirmative action. I want that stuff that makes me look like I’m an African-American. My future employer can find out the truth AFTER they’ve hired me and overpaid me for a job I’m not qualified for. By then, it will be too late.

For the record, the above is said in jest. I would not engage in that kind of deception. Perhaps, just perhaps that man was making a statement that had a deeper meaning than the mere “gag” it appears to be. I saw the pictures from the news article before Debbie posted her comments here. I don’t know the details of why he presented himself like that.

Deb, allow me to think outside the box. If that guy can color his skin the way he wants, what does that say about the way people can “game the system” on affirmative action? Has there been any news suggesting he was trying to make some kind of statement of any kind? Perhaps you can comment on that.


There is NO Santa Claus (aka TINSC)

There is NO Santa Claus on October 17, 2012 at 12:00 am

    I think it would help with a Dream Act disguise. Call yourself Artemio Cruz, and then you could claim that you were born under the stars on the back of a donkey. Your mother and father abandoned you at a Texaco Station after having sold you to a crack dealer for two gunny sacks of rice and beans. You were further enticed when the crack dealer enticed you with a pair counterfeit Nike shoes that fell apart a day later. Your trip with the crack dealer was short, and ended in San Francisco. The crack dealer sold you to two nice men in the Castro District. After you figured out that these men were talking about bondage rather than bonding, you escaped again. You stowed away on a U-Haul that was going up U.S. Highway 101 until you reached Healdsburg, California. At that point, you managed to work your way up in the field of prune picking.

    You should be able to get a full ride through college and law school with that story;)

    Worry01 on October 17, 2012 at 8:11 am

      Entertaining story, Worry.

      skzion on October 17, 2012 at 11:50 am

I don’t really want to say that is gay…but..that is gay.

gman213 on October 17, 2012 at 12:36 am

    I think a gay guy would be not be turned on by the burnt steak look.

    Worry01 on October 17, 2012 at 10:12 am

“Honey..don’t touch me ..I might smear”

gman213 on October 17, 2012 at 12:36 am

That’s just a little BO from the tube.
They’re on the counter next to the blunts,in all 7-11s.
Hussein can be the poster boy, now that he’s lost
the second debate.

Commander Zsvartz on October 17, 2012 at 1:05 am

Living proof that you can never make a god out of a man.

The Reverend Jacques on October 17, 2012 at 1:19 am

“Ick (how much steroids do you think these bizarros are consuming?) . . .”

Hmm… I’ll guess all of them. All of the steroids.

Lance Armstrong and Jose Canseco have called to ask what’s up with these guys. Melky Cabrera wants to know where his stash went.

Brian R. on October 17, 2012 at 8:35 am

An outdated past time. A waste of time and energy to achieve that sort of body. It’s not healthy to cut that weight, lift the amount of weight, and tan like an idiot from the 70’s. The real challenge in the Ahnold classic would be the Jujitsu competition. At least when traing for a martial arts contest, it’s something useful that could safe guard a life in a real life situation. I’ve known a few of these obsessive freaks. Too much of a good thing, basically. Friend of mine took it to another level, eating chicken breast and water 24/7. Talkn about a grotesque display of methane on a regular basis. His performance was marred by being dangerously dehydrated and some what out of it. Painted up with the bronzer, he looked real weird. Going to a metro gas station, almost got him into a confrontation due to his being white, painted dark brown.

samurai on October 17, 2012 at 10:58 am

Very unattractive.

Road Warrior on October 17, 2012 at 11:40 am

Is one of these muscle-freaks the dude on the TV commercial for car insurance directing traffic?

Rochelle on October 17, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Debbie, please, PLEASE, don’t EVER post the participants of the female variant of this sport… I had to spend $$$$ after I previously caught an accidental glimpse…

Both my better half and I thank you in advance…

Hans on October 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm


You are far more likely to get shot on the street for wearing a “hoodie” and carrying Skittles and a can of iced tea than you are of actually getting an affirmative action job. But you go ahead and redo the “Soul Man” (bad, bad Spielberg movie!) thing and see how far it gets you … far more bad racial profiling experiences than job offers I will bet.

Gerald on October 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He looks like Michael Chertoff.

Federale on October 17, 2012 at 5:50 pm

While I have no desire to be like them or and their motives might be rooted in a pathological psychological process, these people don’t bother me, nor do I agree that they desreve derision for the simple reason that steroids or not, it takes an immense amount of dedication and hard work to achieve that physique.

As an comparison, if you look at, say, a speed-skaters’ thigh muscles during the winter Olympics, you see commensurate, abnormally large size, just restricted to their legs. Should they be mocked for having “freakish” legs?

DS_ROCKS! on October 17, 2012 at 6:42 pm

So does this mean we won’t be lunching together anytime soon?

sam enderby on October 18, 2012 at 10:06 am

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