July 27, 2009, - 6:35 pm
A few years ago, without my knowledge or permission, my then-agent sent my video demo reel to a TLC show that was looking for a host. The show was called, “Perfect Proposal,” and featured four female hosts helping a prospective fiance plan an elaborate wedding proposal scenario.
When I found out, I was against it. I think these elaborate scenes that some guy cooks up to ask a woman’s hand in marriage are chintzy and ridiculous. And I have a theory: If you spend so much time and effort to ask someone to marry you, even if they say yes, your marriage is doomed to failure. If you can’t do it in a private setting like a modest dinner out at a nice restaurant, then maybe this isn’t a match made in heaven. So I turned down the show, but the producers pursued me relentlessly. I still said no, despite offers of some good money. This isn’t what I do. And it’s against everything I think.
And I think the same way about weddings. These people who do these stupid dances from “Thriller” or “Dirty Dancing” are idiots. They’re making their wedding a circus act. Yes, you’re supposed to have a band and dancing and joy. But come on–imitating Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Pre-Nosejob Grey? Or Michael Jackson? Hope you had an ironclad pre-nup. ‘Cuz I think you’re destined for divorce. It’s just a theory. It’s not scientific. But I bet that if you go back after ten years of that “Perfect Proposal” show and see how many of these elaborate proposals are now divorces, you’d see a good number of them.
These people who propose to their girl in the middle of an NBA game in front of everyone, they’re idiots. And I don’t feel for them when she says no while the whole word is watching. Ditto for this guy from Tulsa, who built an elaborate “Marry Me, Jenny” message using 10,000 dominoes and got rejected.
And so, it’s in this vein that I detest this stupid couple who turned their wedding procession into “Soul Train.” The video is all the rage of the Net and is all over the morning news shows and cable networks. But why? It’s dumb, not to mention low-class and cheap. And, like I said before, I hope they have a good prenup. The divorce isn’t far off. Just like with the “Thriller” and “Dirty Dancing” weddings.
White Men Can’t Dance
Listen to the words of the song, which include, “Double your pleasure, double your fun.” Hey, isn’t that stolen from a gum commercial? Why, yes, it is. Cheesy is the understatement of the year here. These people clearly wanted to be noticed (perhaps more than they wanted to get married), posting this on YouTube and repeating their sideshow circus wedding dance on NBC’s “Today” show. Now, they’ll have to top it to get their whole 15 minutes. What’s next–a sex tape? Too late, a gazillion others have done it. They don’t take their wedding seriously. Don’t expect their marriage to be inconsistent with that.
And notice what’s missing from the video: their marriage vows. I guess those were not as important as the bad “Dance Fever” re-run that preceded them (with apologies for insulting “Dance Fever”).
I’d love to do a government-funded study (hey, studies this irrelevant must come with a tax-funding component) on how many of these weddings end in divorces and how quickly.
I’ll bet my theory gets proven.
Tags: dumb weddings, elaborate marriage proposals