May 6, 2013, - 5:19 pm

WORST FUNERAL EVER!

By Debbie Schlussel

OMG, I think I just got back from the WORST. FUNERAL. EVER!

Earlier today, I went to the funeral for my 90-year-old neighbor of 11.5 years, who just died of cancer. I was shocked by what I heard. It was the most rude, most absurd eulogy ever. I believe that real Jewish women aren’t rabbis. And that real Jewish rabbis aren’t women. That said, I wouldn’t be writing this if “Rabbi” Keren Alpert hadn’t delivered the most disgraceful eulogy ever–attacking the dead man who isn’t here to defend himself . . . and who was a really good guy. It was jarring for me and many of my neighbors who were there, most of whom are not Jewish and couldn’t believe the cruelty, nor could I.

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“Rabbi” Keren Alpert, Utterly Classless PoS

My poor deceased neighbor was dissed and ignored by his grown, adult children for decades. We, his neighbors, helped him out and one of my neighbors took care of him until just a couple of days before his death, when one of his kids decided to finally put him in hospice with a full-time caretaker. But the children orchestrated the funeral, and they got a dumb, liberal chick rabbi to do their bidding and say absurd things, despite what should have been better judgment by a purported rabbi who is apparently vacant of all decency.

My jaw dropped as the “rabbi”-ette talked about my poor neighbor’s “estranged” relationship with his kids and how because of an alleged “emotional wall” he put up, he didn’t have contact with his grandchildren (a total lie, but even if true, completely inappropriate for a funeral eulogy where the deceased’s good graces should be sung). It was like out of a bad movie . . . and the kind of behavior that was so rotten, I thought it could only be confined to the fiction of movies. But I was wrong. A very disturbing and distressing experience in the very room of the funeral home where I delivered my eulogy of my dear late father nearly six years ago.

Even worse, the “rabbi” chick surmised about whether or not the dead man’s late father (from the early 1900s!) “was possibly” abusive and whether or not my departed neighbor’s deceased mother (who died in the early ’30s) “might have perhaps possibly been a buffer” for him from his father. Um, if it wasn’t so disgusting and tragic, this speculation upon speculation by grown children who didn’t know their father or his life as read by a paid-off tool of a fake rabbi would have been hilarious. Here’s a tip, Rabbi Alpert: if you don’t know whether or not something is a fact, don’t include it in a eulogy.


These “kids” clearly called the shots because this idiotic fake rabbi they paid to tick off their illegitimate grievances in a funeral eulogy of their father, didn’t have the basic human decency to say no . . . or even to be ashamed.

“Rabbi” Karen Alpert read this horrible eulogy as if it were a shopping list she was in a hurry to get done, and what was in it was shocking and entirely uncalled for. I walked out with several of my Black neighbors and begged them not to think that this far-left liberal phony rabbi-ette’s despicable, embarrassing display is representative of my community, my religion, because it is not.

Anyone coming out of a funeral like this would wonder what bleeping kind of people would do something like this, what so-called “religious leader” would engage in this.

I wonder how much “Rabbi” Keren Alpert of far-left Temple Beth El (Michigan’s oldest synagogue, which, sadly, bears little relationship to Judaism) got paid for this travesty. No amount could be worth it.

Disturbing. And I’m sure my poor departed neighbor is turning over in his grave. Just sickening.

By the way, look at “Rabbi” Keren Alpert’s Facebook page profile pic. Yup, she is all into gay marriage (which is against Jewish law), but not into basic decency, which is the basis for virtually every religion, including Judaism. Her Facebook page indicates she told her congregants to watch the movie, “Bully” (read my review), which lectures kids not to bully other kids. But apparently, she had no prob delivering a cruel, defamatory, bullying eulogy to the dead. Priorities.

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45 Responses

One should NEVER speak ill of one parents – if you can’t honor your parent at a funeral – its better to say nothing at all and do not let others attack your parents on your behalf. This funeral is a sad reflection on the children and not on their father! It will not go well for them in life as G-d takes note of such things. Its also speaking ill of one’s Father In Heaven. Such things have NO place at a funeral service.

Speaking for myself, burying my father was one of the saddest things I ever had to do. I paid him my proper respects and gave him the dignified farewell he deserved. That is the duty of every child, to make our parents and G-d proud of us, in death as in life. Those children did not do right by their father and they did not do right by G-d! And a rabbi who takes part in such a wretched travesty does not deserve our respect.

Funerals are one of the saddest times in life but they can help to heal us. I don’t think this family was healed at all and Debbie – you and your friends did the right thing by walking out of this sorry excuse for a funeral service. Even when our human emotions are at their rawest and we are consumed by grief, that is the exactly the time in our lives to demonstrate our most exemplary behavior – for the benefit of both the dead and the living.

Its sad that in our time we need to be taught etiquette – something these boorish children weren’t taught much of and maybe their father is to blame for not bringing them up as well he could have done – but its still no excuse for the way they behaved! They should have known better than to bring disgrace to his memory and to their family.

We should follow G-d and always do what is right even when we have differences with those we love. In both life and in death we have obligations – to our parents, to society and most importantly to G-d. Let’s keep that in mind when we are called upon to do a good deed for a loved one!

NormanF on May 6, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Well a lot of fat mediocre slobs don’t know the difference between a sermon and a eulogy.
Unfortunately most of them wear a collar in the Christian Church too right now.

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    And most of those also disobey GOD’s law in allowing homosexuality

    Jonathan Gartner on May 7, 2013 at 10:07 am

Without respect for the dead they have no respect for the human spirit and I therefore do not owe them the respect of their position.

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 5:55 pm

This is the most shocking, disgraceful thing I’ve ever heard.
That poor man. A total hatchet-job by his kids, and a fake Rabbi being paid to wield the weapon.

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” — Matthew 7:15

My Papaw (that’s Kentucky-speak for grandfather)got a better funeral than that, and he was a horrible monster and an abusive psychopath, and everybody knew it.

Michelle on May 6, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Debbie you should have asked to speak and absolutely unloaded on the fake rabbi. The dead Jew and his parents deserved some respect. Also you have a website ad for Ukrainedate.com. Do you know this bitching blonde they’re selling?

A1 on May 6, 2013 at 6:12 pm

@A1,
You’ll have to wait till after your martyrdom to get a date like that A1.

Or is that 72 raisins? Might want to check that out beforehand.

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Lol.

    skzion on May 7, 2013 at 12:19 pm

This lefty stuff seems to go with the terrority with female rabbis. I think that it must be part of the agenda when at the colleges where they’re taught.

I once went to a reform synagogue with some friends and as part of the lady rabbi’s speech to the congregation, she was trying to convey that Jews don’t really have a homeland and that they have had this tradition of moving from place to place. As she was saying this, I thought she was going to take this further and actually take an anti-Zionist stance. Fortunately, she didn’t go there.

However, she went on use music as a sort of metaphor to “prove” her point that Jews were essentially nomads, strangers in a strange land. She said that Jews were noted, for example, for being great violinists, not so much for being experts at the piano, which is more difficult to carry around from place to place. Well, I happen to know quite a a lot about music and musicians, and I thought her example was ridiculous. But I didn’t say anything out loud, not wanting to be rude.

Later, when there was a social period after the speech was concluded, I met with the rabbi and spoke to her. I told her that she ought to rethink her theory. I told her that I knew quite a bit about music. Although it’s true that many of the world’s greatest violinists are Jewish, some of the greatest pianists ever were Jewish too and some of the best were women as well, thinking that would score some points with her. I rattled off some names off the top of my head: Vladimir Horowitz, Arhur Rubenstein, Rudolph and Peter Serkin (father and son), Vladimir Ashkenazy, Wanda Landowski, Lili Krauss, Eugene Istomin, and Emanuel Ax–just to name drop a few. And I add that if her theory were valid, you wouldn’t have any great Jewish drummers either, because a drum kit is a lot of trouble to move around. (I know, cause I used to move equipment when I played in a band.) I said that the greatest drummer in the world, Buddy Rich, was Jewish and proud of it. I don’t know if I ever changed her point of view, but I bet she stopped using that silly music analogy.

Ralph Adamo on May 6, 2013 at 6:30 pm

It’s definitely in bad taste and the Rabbi is a disgrace. But there are a lot of horrible parents out there. He must have been a horrible father for his kids to do something like that. Why is it that normal parents know for a fact nothing like this will happen at their funerals?

The proper thing to do if you have horrible parents is to stick to vague generic statements that neither criticize nor praise them. Then move on with your life if you haven’t already.

Bomb on May 6, 2013 at 6:31 pm

Just when you think you’ve heard it all. Almost unbelievable. Pitiful.
If this were a fight they would have stopped it.

lee of the lower case "l" on May 6, 2013 at 6:44 pm

@Bomb,
They don’t know it “for a fact” but they must believe it because they are good parents.
There a lot of selfish kids out there.

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 6:53 pm

What kind of “Rabbi” would assist in breaking one of the Ten Commandments during a funeral ??
No matter those kid’s relationship with their father, they should not have dishonored him like that.

I’ll bet $100 that these clowns rarely saw him, visited him, or called him, but they’ll be 1st in line to inherit any money or “stuff” from him.

Their father is on the other side in a much better place, but his offspring are honorless uncouth slime.

jimmyPx on May 6, 2013 at 7:18 pm

An animal or a cannibal has better sense than that fat chick.

Doc Holiday on May 6, 2013 at 7:19 pm

There origin of this kind of thing can be seen in the BBC documentary “Century of the Self”.

It’s worth watching if you can deal with the usual BBC presuppositions but then maybe a lot of people make them anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7EwXmxpExw

2:20:20 into the video…

The Convent of the Immaculate Heart( plus the wonders of personal transformation ).

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Of course a convent that fragile was already fractured long before the Church sanctioned experiment began.

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Their meaningless & baseless slander shall be nullified in the World to come, Olam Ha’ba; the World of Truth.

Roni on May 6, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Sometimes the deceased deserve it. My father died 3 years ago. He was physically abusive until my early teens and verbally abusive until the end. He made a lot of money during the decade of greed and constantly rubbed my nose in it and reminded me at every opportunity how he was going to spend it all before he went so don’t expect an inheritance. I could go on and on. I bit my tongue during the funeral out of respect for my mother but he was a real bastard.

John on May 6, 2013 at 7:55 pm

    Your father deserves respect not for his actions but for his status as head of the family. They are two different things. Even the worst parent on earth has some good in them. Whether they merit a child’s praise – I think in that case the life they lived is between them and G-d but one must NEVER curse one’s parents. As I said, if you can’t find a good word to say about them, keep silent for their sake and for peace in the family. Good people to do that because the family name and fear of G-d always guide what they do.

    NormanF on May 6, 2013 at 9:38 pm

One of the cardinal rules of social grace is, “If you can’t say something good about a person, keep your mouth shut”.

Richard on May 6, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    Social grace is about class and showing class is important at a funeral. You can show others your best qualities at the lowest point in your life and that makes them want to be there for you when you need them most.

    NormanF on May 6, 2013 at 9:41 pm

@Frankz There are even more selfish “parents” out there. And unlike in the case of “selfish” kids, the sons and daughters have no control over who their parents are as individuals.

The fact remains people who are good parents don’t have children who ignore them for decades or bad-mouth them at their funerals.

Bomb on May 6, 2013 at 8:02 pm

@Bomb
I’m not going to get into an argument with you about whether the parents or the kids are too blame.
You don’t even know the situation.
There’s no reason I’m supposed to make your assumption but obviously it’s very important to you that I do for some reason.

BTW
Ted Bundy by all accounts had loving parents.

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 8:08 pm

@Bomb,
If the parents themselves had selfish parents then nobody is to blame are they?
So they might as well have accorded him some dignity at his funeral. I think you have to agree don’t you?

Frankz on May 6, 2013 at 8:27 pm

Aaaaaaiiiiiii!&$?!

First Martha Stewart and now this one????

Little Al on May 6, 2013 at 8:48 pm

Deb:

I’m sorry you had to witness that.

Sincerely,

There is NO Santa Claus (aka TINSC)

There is NO Santa Claus on May 6, 2013 at 9:32 pm

There some things one should never witness in this world. We may not be able to escape death but we should never have to bear the thoughtlessness of others in the face of death. How we respond to death is as equally important as how we live our lives on earth.

NormanF on May 6, 2013 at 9:44 pm

My Orthodox Jewish sister called the shots for my parents’ funerals. The Orthodox Rabbi she hired made a point of insulting me and doing my sister’s bidding including suggesting to me that I did not deserve my inheritance (as if the Rabbi had any clue about our family history or how inappropriate that opinion was) and also finding some obscure technicality whereby my sister could disinvite me from sitting shiva at her home. (Since I had come from out of town, according to that Orthodox Rabbi I only needed to sit shiva for three days. In my sister’s mind the funeral was the first day of shiva and the visit she made to my parents’ home the next day was the second. I guess the third day was optional.) I spent the entire week completely alone at my deceased parents’ home. As a Jew Debbie knows that is contradictory to the whole purpose of the ritual of shiva — that one should not be alone in their grief.
My point is that not only Reform Rabbis can be corrupt and immoral.

On the other hand... on May 6, 2013 at 10:14 pm

I am so sorry for your loss Debbie. How awful it must have been to sit through something like that, and completely out of line. How wonderful to have a great network of neighbors.

sharon on May 6, 2013 at 10:20 pm

Ugh. That tops the worst funeral I’d been to where the priest was simply too old and incompetent, and new enough to the parish that he simply read the details of the deceased man’s life. Sadly, this says far more about the children and this rabbi than it does about your neighbor. I have no idea what kind of father he was, but to hold on to their grudge and try to justify it at his funeral is despicable.

Sean M. on May 6, 2013 at 10:30 pm

Debbie, thanks for outing this fat P.O.S. and that poor man’s selfish children. Also, that was very kind of you to help with his care in his last days.

L: Mostly, it was another one of my neighbors who took care of him. She is a saint. DS

Lars on May 6, 2013 at 10:48 pm

About 15 years ago, a girl with whom I went to school was killed by a raving lunatic she didn’t even know who chased her down with a car and intentionally ran over her because “the Indian in the sun” was telling him to do it. Very bizarre. The local newspaper spent half the article talking about her apparent struggles with drugs, as if that had anything to do with anything. Some people don’t have any common sense.

David Lanham on May 7, 2013 at 2:06 am

In life, there is no perfect knowledge of anyone by anyone else.
What is seen, felt, and heard is the “face” presented by one to the audience of family, friends, associates, and strangers.

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.
Pope John Paul II
(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/unknown.html)

Each actor in the play of life is responsible for his part and his lines of dialogue. We, the audience of each other’s part, have the liberty to critique each actor’s performance because there are rules of civility and common decency which, in this instance, have been ignored. The ultimate critic will be the final judge and for you who have been uncivil and indecent, pray forgiveness.

For the “neighbor”: REQUIEM IN PACEM

Dennis on May 7, 2013 at 7:44 am

Obviously, this “Rabbi’s” true religion is liberalism, not Judaism. At first glance at her picture, I thought I was looking at Candy(Bar) Crowley’s twin…….

Victoryman on May 7, 2013 at 8:52 am

If they cannot find something passable to say, just bury the guy!!

John Collignon on May 7, 2013 at 9:54 am

Debbie: don’t you think you should expose the kids for who they are?

What kind of kids are they?

My Dad (z”l) may not have been the most perfect person on the planet, but at least he had taught me some lessons in life that I (should) have taken to heart.

And they say that more people are becoming atheists each day. I wonder why?

The Reverend Jacques on May 7, 2013 at 11:29 am

This is absolutely sickening and disgraceful. This “rabbi” should be removed from her lofty “office.” A despicable human being. May your late neighbor’s soul find the peace he so deserves.

Naomi R. on May 7, 2013 at 1:22 pm

Debbie
I saw the eulogy and think you got much too carried away. There were a few negative comments made, but those were not enough to justify your comments.

I think you’re great in most of the issues you are bringing out.

bill

bill on May 7, 2013 at 1:23 pm

This PIG gives Jews a bad name. BTW, I posted “she gives Jews a bad name” on her FB page. What an effen Douche Bag.

Robert A. on May 7, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Actually I know of one funeral that was worse than this. It happened before I knew this person, but a good friend’s mother suffered from severe depression throughout her life and one day committed suicide.

At the funeral, the minister said that it was so sad that she was going to burn in Hell for all eternity because she committed suicide !!!
He’s lucky that I wasn’t there because I would have let him have it and odds are good that he would have gone to the hospital when I was done. Because of this horrible act, my friend’s faith and belief in Christianity was shattered.

jimmyPx on May 7, 2013 at 10:05 pm

What I’m not getting in this whole thing is – if his kids didn’t care for him at all, why did they even bother arranging his funeral? They could have just left it to the neighbors to do a quiet, dignified one of their own.

I mean – even w/ one’s enemies, one shouldn’t behave like that. If your enemy is dead, ignore it, or comment on it separately, but not at their funeral. Similarly, here, since the kids obviously hated their father, they could have simply continued to ignore his funeral and just take a pass on it – just like they did on his last days.

Infidel on May 8, 2013 at 5:34 am

A couple of thoughts here – you have no idea why this man was estranged from his children for decades. Usually that indicates some issues from long ago that have never been resolved. While that elderly man may have been very sweet to the neighbors, you have no way of knowing what an abusive a-hole he may have been to his wife and kids over the years.

That said, the rabbi had no business giving a eulogy like the one you describe. when a clergy member does not know the deceased, they are kind of stuck with only the information given by the family. I hate those funerals where a minister/priest/rabbi gives a kind of generic eulogy for someone they didn’t know. I’ve even heard the name of the deceased mispronounced throughout the service. Better not to have a formal service.

The worst eulogy I’ve heard – or maybe let’s say the one that shocked the mourners the most – was when a Methodist minister who DID know the deceased throughout his life, gave a eulogy that spoke in detail about what a domineering bitch the man’s wife was, and how she basically made his life a living hell for almost 50 years. The wife (widow) was seated in the front row! The minister talked about what a kind, patient man the deceased was, and how unfortunate it was that his witch of a wife outlived him, as it would have been nice if he could have had a few years of happiness on earth without her. He said the guy was a saint to put up with that woman.

Now, everything the minister said was true, but it was rather shocking to hear it said in church! Members of the immediate family were snickering into their hankies, and the widow was turning around throughout the service glaring at people. I admit, it was hard to keep a straight face.

Even so, it was inappropriate. I found it interesting though that the husband’s funeral was attended by hundreds of people. When his wife died about seven years later, it was just the family – and it was a very brief service at the funeral home. I know all this because I am an in-law.

DG in GA on May 8, 2013 at 10:38 am

As a teenager I attended the funeral of a teenage classmate who had been murdered by her boyfriend. The pastor went on a tirade during the eulogy about rock music and how it was the devil’s music and how kids were gonig to hell for listening to it. This had nothing to do with this poor young girl and her tragic ending. Worst funeral ever. I never set foot in that church again.

James S on May 8, 2013 at 4:44 pm

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