November 8, 2013, - 3:06 pm

Weekend Box Office: Thor: The Dark World, Diana (a/k/a “I Like Muslim Penis”)

By Debbie Schlussel

Nothing to really recommend that’s new at the movies, this weekend.

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* “Thor: The Dark World“: I like a good superhero movie. This ain’t it. I didn’t especially like the first “Thor” movie (read my review). This one was far worse. Long, boring, dull, and confusing. The story/plot of this movie looks like someone phoned it in. It’s silly and hard to follow. This movie has so much action and so many special effects, and yet I struggled to stay awake because, at the same time, it was so slow.

Natalie Portman is bummed out that Thor, the love of her life, disappeared from Earth without saying good-bye, two years ago. But he returns because Earth and the other realms over which he has power are in danger from some group called the “Dark Elves.” It’s strange because they are pale white and not elfin or height-challenged in the least. Thor must partner with his evil brother, Loki, to fight off the Dark Elves (headed by some dude named Malekith), in defiance of his king father’s efforts. And, eventually, the day is saved. There is a lot of confusing scientific mumbo-jumbo and jargon and other silly stuff that seems to serve as filler. Also, there’s some running debate as to whether Loki is still a bad guy or now a good guy. Who cares?










Superhero movies are supposed to be filled with magic and excitement, with suspense and thrills, and this has none of those.

A waste of time which I’m sure will do gazillions at the box office.

HALF A REAGAN
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Diana“: Should’ve been called, “Princess Diana Liked Muslim Penis . . . and Was a Psycho-Super-Stalker.” The whole time I was watching this, I kept thinking, “Just Die Already!”

I hated this extremely silly, waste-of-time movie. Long, boring, and dull. Sitting through this was Grade A Gitmo Torture. It was almost as excruciating as sitting through that whole weekend of non-stop “Diana Has Died” nonsense, during that weekend of 1997 in which we were told non-stop about “the Whole World crying” over the “untimely death” of an overrated, proud high school dropout whore who married into an inbred royal family. Oh, and Diana is played by Naomi Watts who looks and sounds nothing like the real thing. Frankly, it would have been more entertaining if, say, Tracy Morgan played Diana in this movie.

The movie is about Princess Diana’s affair with Pakistani Muslim doctor Hasnat Khan (Naveen Andrews). She stalks him incessantly, showing up at his work, his apartment, and so on, even after he repeatedly dumps and rejects her. One day, while he’s at work, she enters his dirty, messy apartment and spends the day vacuuming and washing the dishes. Yeah, right. Like that EVER happened.

Diana recites from the Koran to Khan to impress him and tells him, “I studied Islam several years ago, so you see I’ve been preparing for you for a long time.” Barf. And, since this is partially a Muslim propaganda flick, Dr. Khan tells Diana, “To me, Islam means the constant reformation of one’s character.” Really? And I thought it meant the constant reformation of the quality of one’s IEDs, hijacking methods, and ways to shoot up American military bases. Silly me.

Not that I believe anyone ever said any of the things that comprise the dialogue of this movie. I think it’s all made up and stupid, including comments such as, “I’m a princess, and I get what I want.” Or scenes of Diana ordering “Gray’s Anatomy” and having multiple orgasms when she opens the book. I don’t doubt that Diana, like the rest of the British Royals, was an Islamo-panderer. Heck, she serviced at least two Muslim penises (Khan’s and Dodi Fayed’s) that we know of . . . and probably enough to field a Muslim football team. In one scene, Khan’s relative tells him, “If you marry Diana, it will be a great thing for Pakistan and for the whole Islamic world.” And I was wondering if he meant politically . . . or for a multi-national Muslim orgy.

There is enough crying and unnecessary melodrama in this joke of a movie to last me several lifetimes. But one other thing: I hate when movies get their gadgets, clothing, and other stuff so obviously wrong. Diana tells Khan that, “like most people, I have a mobile.” But few people had a cell phone back in 1994 or ’95, when she tells him that. She also wears “skinny jeans” throughout the movie. Skinny jeans were not in style in 1994-97, when the movie takes place. The wardrobe director needs to be fired.

But so does everyone else who had anything to do with the cinematic stupidity.

SKIP THIS.

THREE MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS TWO BIN LADENS
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Watch the trailer . . .

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45 Responses

Too funny. I am thinking that will probably be the last time we will see the phrase:”I Like Muslim Penis” on this web page.
These propaganda movies are becoming more numerous and stupid. Haven’t seen a good Thor movie yet.

samurai on November 8, 2013 at 4:47 pm

Now if it were “Princess” Di stalking Thor, well then . . . ?!

ConcernedPatriot on November 8, 2013 at 5:03 pm

The best Thor in the movies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJs25xW1hww

:)

Escovado on November 8, 2013 at 5:32 pm

The review of “Diana” was great. She truly was a world class nutter. I liked Naomi Watts in “Mulholland Drive”. A real, weirdo David Lynch film.

I can’t believe there is another ‘Thor’. That movie was seriously bad. I didn’t mind Chris Hemsworth and when the film took place on his “planet” (or whatever place Thor comes from…) I liked the dark, gothic look but almost everything else super-sucked. Especially Natalie Portman.

The dude who played Loki was pretty good. You could tell he had talent because he added something to the drab flick but still, other than what I mentioned, it was a real stinker.

Skunky on November 8, 2013 at 6:39 pm

” The whole time I was watching this, I kept thinking, “Just Die Already!” ”

LOL! Great review on the Lady Di stinker. Brava, Debbie!

skunky: Coincidentally, I just was organizing my DVDs last night and came across “Mullholand” which I started watching maybe 6 or 7 years ago and could never never got through it (and I *loved” Lynch’s “Twin Peaks” franchise), so maybe I’ll give it another go this weekend. I also had paid to subscribe to Lynch’s website several years ago to view bizarre shorts he produced for web-only access. One involved people in rabbit suits in a dingy apartment doing mundane things. It was pretty cool because it was so powerfully conveying despair, depression and angst with no dialogue and very little action.

DS_ROCKS! on November 8, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    DSR, I really love the weirdness of David Lynch. He’s super-weird and right up my dark alley. I hope you’ll give the movie another go.

    If you have the DVD, there should be 10 clues to figure out what the hell the film means (inside the case). It’s almost impossible figure out but a fun way to watch it, anyway. Once you identify the “clues” (as you watch) and if you can’t figure it out (and I confess I couldn’t…) go online and google it and you should find an article that will spell it out for you. The article is GREAT and I agree with most of it.

    The “clues” are fun but really, you have to have the mind of David Lynch to figure it out (and they are his clues…no wonder they are so vague…). That article makes the movie make so much more sense.

    And because of the “clues” and the article, I was able (at least I think so…) to figure out “Inland Empire” more than I would have if I didn’t follow the “clues” or said article of “Mulholland Drive”.

    Have fun! :D

    Skunky on November 8, 2013 at 7:51 pm

The only superhero movie that is any good is the first SUPERMAN with Christopher Reeve. All superhero movies since then have sucked because they are only about bright costumes, special effects and explosions. I haven’t seen THOR 1 or 2 and will not waste my money on them, or IRONMAN, SPIDERMAN, AVENGERS, XMEN, etc, and I used to love comic books! Hollywood-all show and no go.

Tommy Thomas on November 8, 2013 at 7:20 pm

I think Diana was the first of the royal family in all history to seek out foreign dick. Glad the bitch is dead.

The other Debbie on November 8, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Diana was a sandshark.

Gina on November 9, 2013 at 1:23 am

    @gina, now that’s funny. Well put.

    samurai on November 9, 2013 at 4:36 pm

What an embarrassment lady Di would have been for her two sons had she lived and continued her loose ways with 6th century primitives. Pakistanis are the ones behind the notorious “grooming” of teenage girls in Britain and have otherwise been a plague there. This is what Di was spreading her legs for.

F Delano on November 9, 2013 at 1:32 am

Thor is a sequel to a movie that was mediocre. As for “Diana”, it is a vehicle for an aging actress, such as Naomi Watts. Ms. Watts has shown that she has no qualms about playing in a pedophile epic like “Adore”, so “Diana” would not really be slumming for her.

Worry01 on November 9, 2013 at 1:33 am

Why is it that some women after they have kids normally then turn into nymphomamiacs who will breed anything with a tool – the more repulsive and brutish the better. These women are FREAKY and possibly having major hormonal problems. Psychological problems is a given.

bbq on November 9, 2013 at 1:42 am

    I agree. Diana thought Bill Clinton was sexy…uooooo JUST YUK!

    She did marry old big eared Charlie and was reportedly after him since she was 12. She was a NUTTER!

    Barbara Cartland’s “grand daughter “!! Indeed, she was just as tasteless.

    It is just ME AGAIN on November 10, 2013 at 10:30 am

      Barbara Cartland’s “grand daughter “!! Indeed, she was just as tasteless. STEPgranddaughter

      It is just ME AGAIN on November 10, 2013 at 10:30 am

      For all the silliness of those books she ground out, Barbara Cartland was smart and hard working.

      Miranda Rose Smith on November 11, 2013 at 2:39 am

You’re not alone,regarding “Diana”; critics everywhere are in nearly-universal agreement,and have slammed it.

CharlesMartel on November 9, 2013 at 10:15 am

David Lynch should do a movie about Islam/Muslims. I think he is the only person on the Earth who could do it ‘justice’. Something along the line of an ‘Eraserhead” Mohammed would be a good start.

Pray Hard on November 9, 2013 at 10:27 am

Yes I agree, Thor was weak, boring, I don’t believe I finished it, fell asleep, I like the 1st one though.

Ha Ha, I know I wont watch a movie about Princess Diana, but your review was classic, too funny, “I like Muslim Penis” You’re funny.

I seen Ender’s game, cool flick, like how the kid ascended, how they made the character strategist. I thought of Debbie when the other character had to say As-Salam…, I was thinking Hollywood is really trying to shove this down our throats, huh, seems so forced and fake, how come the kid couldnt say Hello. Then Sly’s movie was the same, definitely an agenda going on, I see that now. Its becoming ridiculous.

I never read the review first, because I never think about it, and see movies @ random, but then I come back to see what Debbie has said, and I find myself agreeing.

Big D on November 9, 2013 at 11:27 am

I’ve always been of the opinion that the sole reason these Arabs (both Khan and Fayed) played up to her was to falsely legitimize Islam by connecting it with an influential and positively-identified figure in a concerted and premeditated effort. Love to read the fatwa: Thou shalt go after dumb blonde white dhimmi, better yet get her pregnant so the connection with prominent family is greater.

Lisa on November 9, 2013 at 11:41 am

Lisa is basically correct. Conquering Dumb Di essentially
signifies she belongs to the moslem world. Just like churches and synagogues who invite moslems to “share” their space, the moslems then assume it BELONGS to them forever. Their CRUSADE to take over north Africa, Spain and into France is justification that they are ENTITLED to reclaim those earlier conquests. They
have reached the stage where their crusade is again on the march — thanks to utterly wimpish governments in the EU and the USA.

Will the US ever wake up?

Hans Schaden on November 9, 2013 at 2:58 pm

I love you, Debbie. I despised Diana during her lifetime. I thought she was a fake, phony, two bit fraud, very odd and weirdly psychotic looking individual. I knew people who fawned over her and thought she was beautiful. She never had a beautiful moment in her life. Sick, maybe, beautiful, never.

I love how you are not afraid to stomp on the dead. Bob Grant once delivered a rather reserved, but nevertheless strong epitaph for a politician he did not like at all. He started off by bringing up the famous phrase “don’t speak ill of the dead.” Grant said something to the effect of what if the guy is a louse, you have nothing good to say about him.

Debbie ‘Pull No Punches’ Schlussel. Living or dead, Debbie has your number, and she won’t hesitate to dial it, even if you were a cultural/political icon like Cryana, Dutchess Of Tea and Crumpets.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on November 9, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Debbie already has a boyfriend. Spaniard.

    Brian K on November 10, 2013 at 6:53 pm

So,who was the audience they were trying to appeal to when making Diana?
Hyper sexed 19 year old girls and “Paki” men?

ebayer on November 9, 2013 at 6:59 pm

My secretary refers to Muslim men as “cheesy aardvarks”. Never thought about it really until I read this.

#1 VATO on November 9, 2013 at 11:39 pm

** posting with links to the trailer this time around – I do not know if links are allowed.

Debbie – The Book Thief is in theaters this weekend?

That is a movie which looked interesting – Based on the beloved bestselling book, THE BOOK THIEF tells the story of a spirited and courageous young girl who transforms the lives of everyone around her when she is sent to live with a foster family in World War II Germany.

Wondered what your thoughts were on it – if you saw it!

Alan on November 10, 2013 at 12:16 am

It was almost as excruciating as sitting through that whole weekend of non-stop “Diana Has Died” nonsense, during that weekend of 1997 in which we were told non-stop about “the Whole World crying” over the “untimely death” of an overrated, proud high school dropout whore who married into an inbred royal family.

I had the good fortune to be in Athens when Princess Di died. Since I can’t read Greek, all I did was notice that there was a lot of stuff about her in the newspapers and so what else is new? I got the news, about four days later, when a hotel desk clerk gave me an English language newspaper.

In a way, I don’t think Princess Di was to blame, entirely, for being the way she was. Her first cousin, about eight times removed, was Lady Caroline Lamb. Normally, one nut, that high up on your family tree, would be no problem. But the British aristocracy is so INBRED!!!!!

Miranda Rose Smith on November 10, 2013 at 8:16 am

I think Diana was the first of the royal family in all history to seek out foreign dick. Glad the bitch is dead.

The present Queen married a member of the GREEK royal family, didn’t she? All the royal families of Europe have been inbreeding for CENTURIES. Katherine of Aragan was a great great granddaughter of John of Gaunt.

Miranda Rose Smith on November 10, 2013 at 8:23 am

    Prince Phillip is NOT an ethnic Greek. He is a descendant of some kraut Battenburg royality related in some way to the “fat kraut Queen” Victoria Hanover. I guess he is German, English and mongrel pup tossed in. Foreign…yet so FAMILY!

    The Battenburgs/Hanovers were sent to rule Greece from Europe, lest the Russian royal family take charge of their fellow Orthodox Christian’s land and mess up the British love affair with the TURKS( a big trading partner with the Brits) .

    Oh so complicated, the Brits. Everytime I see the Queen in one of those gad zooks awful hats… I see the Disney cartoonish MAD HATTER!!

    Diana was a distant cousin of the royal family’s big eared Charlie…her commonner ancestor was a born on the other side of the blanket to Charles the II… or was it James the First…. oh… who cares? They are ba$turd$ in one way or the other.

    It is just ME AGAIN on November 10, 2013 at 10:47 am

      If I remember correctly, Prince Philip is a great grandson of Queen Victoria, which makes him a second cousin of George VI and his wife’s second cousin once removed. He’s also related, I believe, to the DANISH royal family, and to Queen Alexandra, his wife’s great grnadmother.

      Miranda Rose Smith on November 11, 2013 at 2:34 am

      Diana had no “commoner ancestor” earlier than the Dark Ages. The House of Spencer is one of the oldest in the kingdom, and of right ought to feel able to look down on the upstart Windsors. Winston S.[pencer] Churchill and the Elizabethan poet Spenser were among Diana’s relations. And as with many noble families, the recent generations were definitely somewhat addled.

      Laura Latini on November 12, 2013 at 10:51 am

    MRS: Well stated!

    DS_ROCKS! on November 10, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      Thanks.

      Miranda Rose Smith on November 11, 2013 at 4:28 am

Does anyone know if that detail about her showing up at Hasnat Khan’s workplace actually happened? Because of an unpleasant personal experience, that thought NAUSEATES me.

Miranda Rose Smith on November 10, 2013 at 8:28 am

In a way, I blame the Queen and Prince Philip for Charles’s and Di’s disastrous marriage. THEY knew all about the craziness streak in the Spencer family; they should never have allowed their son to marry that girl.

Miranda Rose Smith on November 10, 2013 at 8:32 am

    but OHHHHHHHH so much better than dear Camilla. YIKES and she is the Great granddaughter of Mrs. Kepple the whore-mistress of Fat kraut/Brit King Edward became King after Victoria.

    I would not be surprised if dear Camilla were not the descendant of the King and his Mistress’ LOVE CHILD!! : |

    Here I am a VERY far distant cousin of Prince William’s commoner wife… aw shucks that and about $1.50 will get me a cup a tea at International House of PANCAKES!

    It is just ME AGAIN on November 10, 2013 at 10:55 am

While I agree with everything else Debbie has to say about the late Diana Spencer and the living (sort of) Naomi Watts, I have to inform her that no citizen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland ever used a “cell phone”. “Mobile phone” is right. Two nations divided by a common language, remember?

Laura Latini on November 10, 2013 at 10:50 am

Miranda Rose Smith, Prince Philip FORCED the psychotic bitch on the unfortunate Charles, compounding the family’s previous outrage of forbidding him to marry the woman he really loved – Camilla. And in the end it was for nothing anyway; Diana committed something very like suicide and Camilla came back and is now the future Queen. The only thing the family got out of Philip’s idiotic obstinacy was, to be fair, a couple of fairly decent Princes, and who knows if either of them would have turned out decent if she had had the handling of them any longer than she did.

Laura Latini on November 10, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Miranda Rose Smith, Prince Philip FORCED the psychotic bitch on the unfortunate Charles, compounding the family’s previous outrage of forbidding him to marry the woman he really loved – Camilla.

    Why?

    Miranda Rose Smith on November 11, 2013 at 2:04 am

      As for why he was prevented from marrying Camilla, I am not sure, it was long ago. But as for marrying Diana, we get into dark comedy – very dark. Incredibly, in the nineteen-eighties, Philip seems to have felt that the fact that Diana had thrown herself at Charles was something that embarrassed her, not him, and that he was duty bound to marry her! This, incidentally, strongly suggests that Palace accounts stretched a point, and that Diana was not a virgin on the day she actually married the object of her pursuit, though she may have been when she met him.

      Laura Latini on November 12, 2013 at 10:47 am

In truth, I didn’t know Princess Di was such a weirdo. But then I spent virtually no time paying attention to her.

skzion on November 10, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Although easy on the eyes, I will definitively avoid Naomi Watts as Diana (the movie sounds incredibly stupid, in addition to its Islamo-pandering).
Did have a chance to see “All Is Lost,” and can only agree with you — it was “edge of the seat” even with its minimal dialogue (a good thing, actually!), Redford was fine in it, and the story was thrilling.
Thanks for your review, Debbie!

jc15 on November 10, 2013 at 10:51 pm

A good advertisement for “Muslim Mingle”

Panhandle on November 12, 2013 at 11:58 am

@OMG, anyone with your obvious lack of visual acuity and respect for your superiors must be a muslim savage who should be banished to the sandbox you came from. That way, the rest of us can live in the 21st century without your death cult screwing things up for everyone. In other words, go away and be with your 72 hairy virgins.

samurai on November 9, 2013 at 4:41 pm

I think someone from the Moderators sent him on his way, samurai. Just think, what a stupid religion. Your reward, as an eternal living spirit, is to be with 72 virgins. Uhhhhhhh, and after you’re done deflowering them? Materialistic much? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!!! What do FEMALE Muslims get in the afterlife? 72 guys hung like John Holmes?

Gimme a break. Religion(???) Of Peace? That’s a real ham sandwich of a religion, if you ask me. Hey, put me on that “list” y’all got too, while you’re at it. Hey, if I switch ovah to youse guyz, kin I git me a trillion year supply o’ Haagen Dazs? Youse kin keep dem sevinny too voidgins.

ROTFLMAO!!!

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on November 9, 2013 at 7:28 pm

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