December 6, 2013, - 2:57 pm

Weekend Box Office: Out of the Furnace

By Debbie Schlussel

Out of the Furnace,” the new Christian Bale movie in theaters today, should have stayed inside the furnace and spared America. It’s horribly violent, incredibly depressing, long, slow, boring, and pointless. Oh, and did I mention that it’s dark, dreary, and every single person in it is miserable, dead, or soon to be one or both?

outofthefurnace

Bale’s a great actor–one of my favorites–but this movie is a waste of your ten-plus bucks and two hours. You’ll walk out of the movie at the end–if you aren’t smart enough to walk out in the middle and cut your losses–noting that a time bandit just robbed you of valuable life you ain’t gonna get back . . . ever. Life is simply too short to spend it in a dark theater subjected to this wonderless tripe. The rest of this review is filled with spoilers, so if you wanna be a dummy and see this crap anyway, don’t read on. You were forewarned. For everyone else, keep reading.










Bale is a working-class guy near Appalachia who works in a steel mill. He is the most loyal brother and son you’ll ever find. A great guy, but everything bad befalls him despite his good nature. His father is dying of some illness, apparently lung cancer, and his brother, Casey Affleck, owes a local loan shark/bartender owner lots of money. Bale earns the money and pay off the “creditor,” but he accidentally kills someone in a car crash on the way back, and he goes to prison for several years (apparently he was drunk?–they don’t really tell you). In prison, he is beaten violently. When he gets out, he learns that the love of his life (Zoe Saldana) is pregnant and engaged to someone else, even though she still loves him, so that’s over.

He also learns that his brother–who has spent several tours of duty for the Army in Iraq and Afghanistan–cannot find work and is instead working as a street fighter for the loan shark (yup, another Hollywood far-left movie that belittles a life serving in the U.S. Armed Forces and makes it look worthless). Affleck wants to make more money and win more violent street fights, so he convinces the loan shark to take him to the Appalachians, where the fights are controlled by evil gangster Woody Harrelson. Harrelson wants Affleck to throw the fights, which he doesn’t want to do, but eventually does. Harrelson doesn’t keep his part of the bargain and murders both the loan shark and Affleck. After the bodies are found, Bale lures Harrelson and finally gives him what he deserves. The end.

The movie not only looks down on life as a U.S. soldier, but also on small town, working-class life in America. Two more reasons–among many–to skip this like the plague.

Don’t be fooled by the incredibly misleading trailer, which is a whole lot more exciting than this two hours of utter garbage. Like I said, I warned ya. If you go see this anyway, you’re in DENSA, not MENSA.

And bring some caffeine. This bleeping waste of time will put you to sleep.

Incredibly skipworthy.

FOUR MARXES
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Watch the trailer . . .

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10 Responses

“Bale’s a great actor–one of my favorites”

Sorry, Debbie. You chicks are as bad as us guys – you’re swooned by a pretty face and you apply that enchantment to his professional abilities. I realized that was the case with your review of that ridiculous, lightweight, MMA movie that you compared to ‘Rocky.” My wife liked that one, too. Yeesh.

Christian Bale is a hack.

Thanks for enduring these movies for us. I really appreciate what a sacrifice it is to sit through the drivel. I woul;d never be able to do it.

DS_ROCKS! on December 6, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    Oh dear, DSR. You got me sussed. I really like Bale (a lot!) and I loved “Warrior”. :D

    But I know how annoying it can be. I am always annoyed by the male equivalent so guilty as charged! :P

    Skunky on December 6, 2013 at 5:46 pm

      skunky:

      IKR?

      Kirsten Dunst is my favorite actress and I’m pretty close to having her entire film anthology on DVD (“Get Over It” and “Marie Antoinette” are my faves.)

      In my book, she’s up there in acting chops with Ingrid Bergman and Meryl Streep. lol.

      DS_ROCKS! on December 6, 2013 at 6:17 pm

        You’re forgiven, DSR. I have “Marie Antoinette”. I don’t like the movie but I like the music and I love the sumptuous cinematography and the sets and the costumes. Gorgeous eye candy.

        It’s perfect to have on in the background with the sound down. Just like the otherwise unwatchable “The Cell”.

        Skunky on December 6, 2013 at 6:57 pm

LOL, great review.

Frankz on December 6, 2013 at 8:23 pm

Thanks for the reviews of movies most of which appear to be a waste of your time.

As I have said before I share you reviews with the scouts in my boy scout troop. The parents appreciate it. I give you all of the credit.

BTW, “Warrior” was a fine movie.

panhandle on December 9, 2013 at 2:19 pm

Yeah, let’s trash America and use a British actor to do so. I think I’ll pass.

fog on December 9, 2013 at 9:26 pm

“…incredibly depressing, long, slow, boring, and pointless”

I watched this movie online last night, the adjectives you use to
describe this movie is right on. Again, I never see your reviews before I see the movie, I haven’t been comparing these reviews with my mine for long, but so far they have all been right on point.

When this movie was over, I was thinking, what was the point of that. Completely pointless. Sad, I realized that this is reason I don’t do dramas. The acting was on point, but the movie made you want to jump of a bridge and throw in the towel, lol.

Big D on December 19, 2013 at 3:10 pm

Okay. Just watched it last night. Pretty darned good film – kept my attention throughout despite the predictability and cliches. Two points: if you can’t see that Christian Bale is brilliant then you really shouldn’t be reviewing acting work. Woody Harrelson was riveting as a monster and the kid, yeah, “tough kid” more than held his own. As far as downgrading the US military, i see that, point taken, but that was the story. It wasn’t the story of a winner who made good – it was clearly not. No need to over-analyze and extrapolate. 2. It was a SAD story. Okay? So it’s supposed to be a dark downer, which it surely was. But a well told one with brilliant performances all around.

I just didn’t get the end.

bigrobtheactor on December 21, 2013 at 9:43 pm

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