December 25, 2013, - 7:00 pm

Christmas Box Office: Grudge Match, Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Wolf of Wall Street

By Debbie Schlussel

The grinches who dominate Hollywood don’t offer you much good or cheery at movie theaters today:

grudgematchwaltermitty

wolfofwallstreet

* “Grudge Match“: I didn’t particularly care for this movie, but I didn’t completely hate it like some movie critics did. It is mildly–very mildly–entertaining, BUT . . . . The jokes were mostly stupid–I laughed only a few times–and it has sexual themes, so you can’t really take your kids to see it. Plus, what is the point of a movie about two old guys in their 60s and 70s–one of whom is partially blind–preparing to fight each other? It’s not exciting to watch. It’s painful. Also, I could have done without the silly, trumped up melodrama story about two guys fighting over a girl who cheated on one of them with the other. This is Christmas fare? Really?

Here’s a tip, Hollywood: just because two famous actors once played boxers in successful movies, doesn’t mean it’s a sure fire formula for success to make them aging, senior citizen boxers doing a rematch when they are in their 60s and 70s. I mean, I don’t wanna see “Rocky XCMVII.” Do you?






The story: Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro play former champion boxers who were about to have a rematch in their prime. But the Stallone character retired before the match to get back at De Niro for sleeping with his girlfriend (Kim Basinger). De Niro also got the girlfriend pregnant and abandoned the kid. Yay, another “fathers suck” movie from Hollywood–Merry Christmas! Now it is years later,and both are old. Stallone still doesn’t want to do the rematch, but he needs the money. He spent all his boxing winnings and just got laid off from the plant where he works. He has a lot of overdue bills to pay. So, he agrees to the fight, and both he and De Niro begin training.

Predictably, De Niro becomes reunited with the kid he abandoned and Stallone gets reunited with the girlfriend he dumped after she cheated. Also, De Niro and Stallone get into repeated fights on the street in videos that go viral, making their boxing match a popular attraction.

Did I really need to see 70-year-old De Niro having sex in the middle of an SUV with some young woman, while his grandson catches them? Did I need to see a partially blind man get repeatedly slugged in his blind spot? And this is a comedy?

This isn’t Christmas entertainment. It’s two old actors doing whatever it takes–minus any scruples–to get a paycheck.

ONE MARX
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty“: This is a remake (of sorts) of the 1947 Danny Kaye movie, but it’s less a remake than a new version of the James Thurber short story upon which the Kaye movie was based. I found it entertaining enough, but kind of dopey, and I wouldn’t pay ten bucks-plus to see it. Plus Sean Uber-Communist Penn is in it in a positive role. And the movie is anti-business, too. On top of all of that, eHarmony.com is a major part of the plot (with Papa John’s blatantly thrown in, too)–so it’s a commercial for a website and you pay ten bucks-plus and two hours to see it. The best part of the movie is a hilarious scene with the TSA. Other than that, it’s just okay. It’s not nearly as funny as typical Ben Stiller fare. Not even close.

The story: Ben Stiller plays Walter Mitty, who fantasizes about being heroic and doing larger than life things. In reality, he is a nerdy photo editor at Life Magazine. He learns that Life will publish its last hard copy issue and many employees will lose their jobs, since the company has been bought out. A new management team headed by Adam Scott (who, as I’ve noted on this site before, looks like Liza Minnelli) comes in and is obnoxious to everyone. He constantly has run-ins with Mitty and is mean-spirited and mocking in tone. A famous photographer (Penn), whose photos are used by Life, sends Stiller the negative for the final photo (he refuses to do digital). But Stiller cannot find the negative, and the boss threatens to fire him. So, he travels around the world and does things like skateboarding and running from a volcano to track down the photographer. (When he finally finds the photog, they watch Pakistanis in the middle of the mountains play soccer–and the peaceful Pakistani Muslims are so nice and inviting, they invite Mitty and Penn to join in. Like that really happens in real life. They (the Pakis) would kill them (Mitty and the photog) and use their head as the soccer ball.)

All throughout this story, Mitty is also trying to catch the eye of Cheryl (Kristen Wiig), who is a single mother and is on eHarmony. Mitty is constantly on the phone with the eHarmony customer service guy, trying to enhance Mitty’s online profile.

The end of the movie is touching, but the rest of it feels like it was mostly phoned in. I never saw the Danny Kaye version from beginning to end, just snippets, but I can’t imagine this version is better.

ONE REAGAN
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Wolf of Wall Street“: I absolutely HATED this movie. Total garbage. And I’m disgusted that this movie celebrating crime and utter depravity was shown at the Obama White House.

The movie is way too long (THREE HOURS!!!), repetitive, boring, and full of illegal drug use, full-frontal nudity, disgustingly kinky sex scenes (Leonardo DiCRAPio’s butt up in the air with a lit candle sticking out of it as a dominatrix whips him), and anti-Wall Street crap. If you’ve seen “Boiler Room” and “Wall Street” and any other Hollywood movies attacking investment houses, you’ve already seen this unoriginal movie a gazillion times. I know I have. And while the movie goes out of its way to let you know that the main crooks here are Jews (one of them even wears a Jewish “Chai” necklace charm), they don’t tell you that the real-life JINO (Jew in Name Only) scumbag portrayed in this movie, Jordan Belfort, repeatedly describes each Jew he knows as a “savage Jew” in the book upon which this movie is based. As I said in my review of “American Hustle,” we Jews are only about 2.1% of the American population (to which we made many wonderful contributions throughout American history), but we are nearly 100% of the criminals in the Christmastime movies, this year.

And while the movie is an attack on Wall Street, most of Belfort’s crime was as an off-Wall-Street boiler room king in Long Island. Plus, the people involved with this movie, including that schmuck Jonah Hill a/k/a Jonah Hill Feldstein, actually reward Belfort for his disgusting, sleazy, criminal behavior because they paid him a boatload to use his book as a basis for the script–yes, the same book that refers to Jews as “savage Jew[s].” And the movie essentially sympathizes and laughs with Belfort, who is played by Leonardo DiCaprio).

The story: Jordan Belfort is the middle-class son of suburban New Yorkers (his father is an accountant played by Rob Reiner, in this movie), and he’s an aspiring investment adviser. But, just as he’s rising up the chain of command at the dishonest Wall Street firm where he works (and is encouraged to rip off customers), Black Monday happens (the late 1980s one-day big stock market crash), and he loses his job. His then-wife encourages him to apply for a job at a boiler room, and he soon realizes he can make even more money ripping people off on penny stocks. He soon opens his own such company with Jonah Hill and illegally, artificially pumps up stock prices, then sells his own shares, leaving his customers with worthless paper (this tactic is called “pump and dump”). Belfort does this with Steve Madden shoes stock, which was an interesting real life story that the movie could have explored but didn’t do much with. The real life Steve Madden went to jail over that. But this piece of trash movie doesn’t go into that part.

Belfort, upon becoming rich, flaunts it with extravagant taste in cars, homes, boats, etc., and he dumps his wife for a blonde model. He also flaunts his lifestyle in an attempt to taunt the FBI agent investigating him for insider trading and other illegal activities. He’s an obnoxious and an extremely offensive and unlikable character. And he’s a criminal beyond the insider trading and pump and dump schemes. He uses his wife’s elderly English aunt to launder and hide the money in Swiss bank accounts and tries to have sex with the aunt. Uggh. And Uggh is the key descriptor for this entire toilet bowl full of excrement disguised as a movie.

I regret that the real Jordan Belfort served very little jail time and is free and making more money off of his book and, now, this movie, glamorizing his criminal behavior and activities. He’s laughing all the way to the bank. Crime pays, apparently.

The real wolves in America are not the successful on Wall Street (many of whom, by the way, are liberals and Obama supporters). They are the producers and directors of Hollywood that bring this crap to the tarnished silver screen on a regular basis. I used to think Martin Scorsese was a talented director. What the hell was I thinking?

There’s nothing new in this movie. You’ve seen this anti-business rant on screen a million times. Don’t make it a million and one.

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Watch the trailer . . .

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46 Responses

It is amazing that even Hollywood would think that such fare would succeed during Christmas.

worry01 on December 25, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Pretty much as I would have expected–a mild dislike for the pointless GRUDGE MATCH, a mild like to WALTER MITTY, and a huge dislike for WOLF OF WALL STREET.

A Business Insider article describes seeing the movie with Wall Street types, and they cheered the excesses. Belfort spent only 22 months in prison and had a cameo here. The movie makes his life of crime seem worth it and does not dwell on his victims.

(FYI, my high-priced stockbroker, after being told that I needed to invest in security, put me into Lehman Brothers preferred stock in early 2008. I got a huge stack of paper about that in the mail just this week. The lawyers and accountants are still making billions, no one ever went to jail, and I lost all my savings.)

Can’t there be any other story to tell than re-hashed stuff like this? I mean, I’m a good guy, I solved the Big Apple, solved the Windy City, solved Uncle Sam this year, and no one gives me five cents or even a kind word.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it today.

Barry Popik on December 25, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Well, if it was a choice between Wolf of Wall Street and Sarah’s Key, which one would we expect President Obama to choose?

Little Al on December 25, 2013 at 9:17 pm

Yay! I was at least correct about the “Frogs Of Wall Street” (Sorry, I just hate Leonardo DiCaprio & his stupid frog-face!!!!). I admit that I chose that as a hated film because of DiFroggio but I also saw the trailer and it was lame. What’s happened to Scorsese? Old & in the way!

And I think Walter Mitty was my 50% movie…which makes me half correct (I’ll take it!) but I will still have to see if that Meryl Streep movie was the 50% like (I picked it as *MAYBE* the 25% pick…). Oh well, I almost got it perfect but (*MAYBE….*) for the Walter Mitty/Meryl Streep film switcheroo.

At the end of the day it’s more important that our critic have good taste in films thou’, which I always value in a critic (unlike that dork Harry Knowles, uber geek & Hollywood rump swab….) more than anything!

Skunky on December 25, 2013 at 9:27 pm

You are a glutton for punishment Ms.Schussel for investing as much of your time in hollywood’s productions as you do.

L Thorson on December 25, 2013 at 10:46 pm

Everybody knows real wolves wear sheep’s clothing.
Crime obviously does pay because Hollywood has had a record breaking year this year they say.
Reports of their demise were apparently exaggerated.
I haven’t seen one film promo that would motivate me to buy a movie ticket though for all the choice that’s supposed to be out there.

Merry Christmas Skunky.

Frankz on December 25, 2013 at 10:48 pm

I will repeat what I have written before. Don’t just boycott Hollywood movies, tell your friends to boycott the movies and get them to spread the word.

Incidentally, I grew up with one of the slime on Wall Street in one of the collapsed brokerage/banking houses. He was high up, and his policies got pinned on the underlings. Even though this guy was a screw up, he still has his megamansion, his megamillions, and probably remains as sleazy now as he was in elementary school and high school. He was, of course, a liberal Democrat.

Jonathan E. Grant on December 25, 2013 at 11:33 pm

I see that I was right about both “The Wolf of Wall Street” and “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty“. In the latter movie, I had incorrectly referred to the Muslims in the movie as being Afghan Muslims when they were in fact Pakistani Muslims, but otherwise I was right in my prediction. And I echo what Skunky wrote in her final paragraph.

JeffE on December 25, 2013 at 11:56 pm

“Adam Scott (who, as I’ve noted on this site before, looks like Liza Minnelli)”

Holy crap! He sure does. I just Google-imaged him and I nealry jumped when a thousand of his little faces popped on the screen. Too funny.

He could play Liza in her biopic without makeup. All he’d have to do is shave and put on a gown!

DS_ROCKS! on December 26, 2013 at 3:08 am

Just reading the plot (such as it is) of the Ben Stiller “Mitty,” I can say without equivocation that the 1947 Danny Kaye film was a vast improvement. Besides featuring one of his more famous bits, “Anatole of Paris.” Makes Stiller look like a no-talent hack by comparison.

As for Stallone, the only comedy of his I ever really liked was “Oscar.” The bit with the three bags alone was worth the price of admission. Plus the final scene (“Get rid of him – expeditiously”).

And any film with DeCreepio in it by definition is going to be a stinker, no matter what kind it is – but here it’s no surprise, given his political bent. And Scorsese, before this, seemed to have an affinity for excessively violent fare in his films.

ConcernedPatriot on December 26, 2013 at 3:24 am

Scorsese thinks he’s the American Fellini.

Meira on December 26, 2013 at 4:08 am

I worry that because, in movie after movie, the villains are Jewish or because the protagonists express openly anti-semitic ideas, that Hollywood is sowing the seeds of European-style Jew hatred here in the US.

adam on December 26, 2013 at 11:45 am

    I have never particularly cared for movies. Some of the old ones were ok and I watched on TV on “Million Dollar Movie” which was shown in the NY area when I was growing up. I loved Yankee Doodle Dandy but if there was a message, I missed it. I just loved Cagney dancing and singing. As for in theater ones, I basically went if a date suggested it. But as I’ve gotten older, eh! I’m sorry but I see not eternal value in any of them. The movie I think I have hated most of all was Gone with the Wind. HATED Scarlett, hated the movie.

    Meira on December 26, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Me too!! Hated BOOK, MOVIE and SCARLETT!!

      Scarlett was NOT a good example of Southern ladies. She was the exception NOT the rule…the book makes her into some kind of heroine and the movie just makes that impression stronger and worse!

      I was born and raised in Atlanta and had an ancestor killed in the Battle of Atlanta. Some of my family settled and created a fort in the area near Atlanta right after the REV WAR…others settled in Savannah in the 1750s as Doctors and merchants straight from England and Scotland.

      Am very much up on my Southern history and my own heritage. Scarlett O’Hara is not the representation of ATLANTA rising from the ashes…. she is pure fiction, not based on FACT at all. Her character is mean, jealous, vain, vengeful, hateful, callous, ungrateful, immoral and selfish.

      If Atlanta had all those NASTY traits, “SHE” would have NEVER rose from the Ashes and invited the very General who destroyed her, to be a guest of honor at an Exposition marking her progress and re-birth some years after the War.

      It is just ME AGAIN on December 26, 2013 at 2:46 pm

        Let me say as far as that’s concerned, I much preferred Carol Burnett’s “Went with the Wind” parody. Took all of 15 minutes (all that was needed) to tell a story that the film spent, what, five hours to get there?

        ConcernedPatriot on December 26, 2013 at 3:35 pm

          That was hilarious, Patriot. When Carol made the dress out of the drapes but left the curtain rod in? I don’t remember the whole thing but I thought that drape dress scene in the original was so absurd, I guess that’s why I remember the parody.

          BTW I saw the movie for the first time in 1970. My ex was stationed in Germany and happened to be “theater officer” so not only did we not have to pay the exorbitant theater prices, we actually saw if for free. My mother who was an FDR Dem (see that explains a lot) loved it. She’d loved it the first time she saw it and she loved the book. Early Feminist Liberal claptrap.

          Meira on December 26, 2013 at 5:00 pm

        I agree, Me Again. My American self, such as still remains, is Southern by adoption. I reject my Northern roots utterly, to the extent of calling it The War of Northern Aggression. I have done my homework there. It had nothing to do with slavery at all. That’s just political spin and always was. I absolutely LOVED living in Atlanta and it’s where my husband and I met. I also love Baltimore. It’s really sad what has happened to it and while there’s a lot of bad stuff in NOLA. I actually liked it a lot but probably my favorite city, overall was Mobile. It was a great place to live, even as a Jew. Wonderful people. I do love NY but if I were to ever live in the US again, which won’t happen, it would be in the South.

        Meira on December 26, 2013 at 4:54 pm

          Meira…How coincidental in the vice-versa. I was born in Chicago, adopted 5 days later by Jewish parents and taken to live in Brooklyn NY where I lived for 30 years. Then moved with my husband and 2 young children to Atlanta, and have been here ever since (21 years). I just discovered that my birth mother was born in Tennessee, and grew up in Alabama. Love living in Atlanta.

          Really? on January 26, 2014 at 10:10 am

Years ago I heard that Spielberg was courting Jim Carrey to do the Walter Mitty movie, but it never worked out and they moved on to other projects. I saw the Ben Stiller version yesterday and thought it was missing something. James Thurber himself never liked the Danny Kaye version, so while the story is brilliant it has never been served well on cinema. I prefer Danny Kaye….

#1 VATO on December 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm

If you haven’t seen Danny Kaye in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty or any of Kaye’s other films, such as The Court Jester, The Inspector General, Wonder Man, The Kid from Brooklyn–to name just a few of my favorites–then you have missed one of master comic performers of all time. Sure, some of the style is from another era, but you just need to get into that mindset of the times (like for any classic). I think Ben Stiller is very talented, and I think that Jim Carey would have been able to pull off the multiple personalties requried of the character.

I am also a big fan of James Thurber’s writings. “Ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa.”

But for your amusement and edification, here’s here’s a clip from a favorite scene from The Court Jester:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ9f2rnjB84

Ralph Adamo on December 26, 2013 at 10:29 pm

You really can’t put Wall Street and Boiler Room in the same category as The Wolf of Wall Street. Wall Street and Boiler Room are based on real investment situations and neither are anti-Investment World. Wall Street concerns the Wall Street raiders who deal in insider information and who have take control of businesses to bleed them of cash and discard them. Boiler Room, on the other hand, deals with pump-and-dump stock scamsters’ world, several cuts below the Wall Street operators the characters of Boiler Room aspire to. Both deal with real characters and real situations that have happened (and continue to happen).

Does anyone think that the financial crisis was brought on by the public, rather than the bankers on Wall Street? Does anyone think that Wall Street wasn’t gambling with the public’s money, only to steal the money for themselves and leave the government the pick up the mess? Ever wonder why not ONE single banker on Wall Street from the financial crisis has been prosecuted? (Compare to the Keating-five and the US Savings and Loan crisis from the 1980s and early 1990s.)

The Wolf of Wall Street, I’m sure, doesn’t touch the REAL fraud on Wall Street. They escape Hollywood’s attention, just like they escape the government’s attention. That tells you the bankers are firmly in charge.

Ralph Adamo on December 26, 2013 at 10:45 pm

What should we expect from DiCaprio, really? Luckily, TCM ran the original Danny Kaye Mitty movie last night. I’ll stick with the original, any day.

JeffT on December 27, 2013 at 12:54 pm

‘I mean, I don’t wanna see “Rocky XCMVII.” Do you?’

Absolutely not! But mostly because that’s atrocious formatting of Roman numerals.

Brian R. on December 27, 2013 at 3:20 pm

First of all I hope that everyone had a very Merry Christmas. Debbie thanks again for the movie reviews. Sorry that you had to sit through dreck like Grudge Match and The Wolf of Wall Street. I like Robert DeNiro but how many moves will they put Stallone’s old mug in where he plays a boxer? Rocky XCMVII indeed. Leonardo the Retardo can take any movie he stars in and blow it up his globull warming keister as far as I’m concerned. The last 3 hour movie with him I saw was Titanic and as we know the ship sank and he died (hooray)! Skunky’s right he does have a frog face to go along with his globull warming hot air. You shouldn’t be too disgusted that this crap was shown in the White House. It was right up Obumbler’s alley and you can probably bet that the First Cape Buffalo was secretly swooning over Frog Face Boy. It’s fitting that you gave it 12 skunkbags. As to The Secret Life of Walter Mitty I had the pleasure of seeing Danny Kaye’s version on TCM. I didn’t know anything about this movie and was only interested because he was funny in White Christmas with father of the year Bing Crosby. I like Ben Stiller so I may go and this one.

Ken B on December 27, 2013 at 4:48 pm

From Business Insider (originally in LA Weekly):

For Christina McDowell, the daughter of a former colleague of Belfort’s who was also convicted of fraud, the “Wolf of Wall Street’s” leading players, director Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio, are guilty of celebrating the behavior that ruined the lives of both.
(…)
For celebrating the behavior that put them in this predicament, McDowell says, Scorsese and DiCaprio are guilty by association.

“You have successfully aligned yourself with an accomplished criminal, a guy who still hasn’t made full restitution to his victims, exacerbating our national obsession with wealth and status and glorifying greed and psychopathic behavior.”

Barry Popik on December 27, 2013 at 9:35 pm

thanks DS. I was wondering about Wolf of Wall Street. Your unique rating system is most helpful. and thanks for subjecting yourself to the cultural pain inflicted by the Hollywood Left.

bobguzzardi on December 29, 2013 at 9:24 am

Saw the “Walter Mitty” movie. Wasn’t as good as I thought it was going to be. Kirsten Wiig is mostly wasted here and the dream sequences go by way too fast to enjoy fully. Some good nuances in the film like showing Mitty’s not so great savings register after working sixteen years doing the same thing and apparently not spending money on much of anything (including his lodgings). Shirley McLaine and Kathryn Hahn are good as Walter’s mother and sister. Why they probably paid Sean Penn a lot of money for a role anyone could have done is beyond me. Some of the Northern European scenery was interesting and the skateboarding scenes were good, both with Wiig’s character’s son and overseas trying to locate the missing negative.

NormCBS on December 29, 2013 at 12:22 pm

“we Jews are only about 2.1% of the American population (to which we made many wonderful contributions throughout American history), but we are nearly 100% of the criminals in the Christmastime movies, this year”.
………………………………………………..
Yes, and while hollywood has no qualms about blatantly portraying Jewish criminals, they absolutely refuse to make movies about muslim terrorists.

Laura on December 30, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Debbie, you are the best.

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This may not be the right place to add my comments, but I will take advantage of the opportunity here never the less. First, lets be honest, what ever happened to really good movies with great story lines and with no need for sex, greed or corruption to improve it? I mean come on, wake up people. Wall Street, being a four to five star film?? For what kind of people, thugs? It was utter rubbish and sadly too much of it, is now showing even on our television sets. Heaven help our next generation and older citizens of the world, if this is the kind of garbage people are going to have set in their minds. Since, bloody when, was it o.k. to do all the things you saw in Wall Street, and as for Di Caprio, same as Cameron Diaz, in the Councelor, obviously good movies are running dry, so its time to apply for trash. It explains so much, about how our world is turning in the wrong direction. The movies, are just utter garbage, filth, dirty and disgusting and probably something you could make in a backyard if you had a million dollar one. As for Scorsese, um sorry but your good days in directing are over. As far as I am concerned cheap behaviours make cheap movies and turn into cheap rubbish no one really talks about afterwards. How low a movie can get, is starting to appear in our screens now. America is known to be all full of corrupted behaviour, so its no surprise such rubbish is being made. The actors themselves, are fogeting one thing. If you dont have peoples respect you become nothing and the movie actors in these types of films are following that path, they are losing the respect of the public and although under 30s may see it different, in the end its the over 30s that control the reins. These are not movies and the only thing missing from Wall Street, was seeing someone having sex with an animal. You never know that may come in a next movie, and then everyone that is stupid will think its normal and there goes our world to the tip. Oh, the life of Walter Mitty, sorry, but he could have saved himself the trouble, and it should have been named, the death, because in the end, no one thinks twice about it. It was rubbish.

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