June 13, 2014, - 6:34 pm

Weekend Box Office: 22 Jump Street, Chinese Puzzle [Casse-Tête Chinois]

By Debbie Schlussel

Well, it’s not shaping up to be as good a summer at the movies as I’d earlier predicted. But, then, the movies have been going downhill for years (no, decades) now.

22jumpstreetchinesepuzzle

* “22 Jump Street“: Hmmm . . . a bad sequel to a bad reboot of a boring ’90s TV series made in Canada. Um, I think I’ll pass. But I didn’t, so I could warn you that you should. And much of the dialogue in this movie openly mocks (and admits) that it is a crappy sequel to a crappy reboot. They are laughing at you–you who waste ten-plus bucks and two hours of life–all the way to the bank. Suckers!

And while the movie is mostly incredibly dopey, stupid, and not funny, there is one part of it that is hilarious and priceless. Jonah Hill mocks slam poetry morons (a/k/a lefties) and it is a GREAT scene. If I could have just watched that (and the closing credits, which feature amusing ideas for more sequels), I’d have loved this movie. But, sadly, the rest of the movie is sophomoric, juvenile, and looks like someone from “MTV Spring Break” wrote it.












And I can’t ignore the fact that one of the movie’s co-stars is Ice Cube (slave name: O’Shea Jackson). You know, of “F-ck Da Police” fame. The guy plays a cop, and, yet, he’s a piece of crap cop hater who glorified cop-killing in his crappy NWA rap “songs.” Shameless whore.

The story–well it’s almost the same thing as the first installment of this series: the two inept, screw-up cops, Hill and Channing Tatum, go undercover to sleuth out and foil a drug ring. The first movie took place in high school. This one takes place in college (which is basically high school, these days). They are trying to uncover why a student is dead and how it is connected to the illegal drug, “WHY-PHY” (Work Hard Yes, Play Hard Yes). I’m sure you can guess there are a lot of dumb “wifi” jokes. Too bad the destructive drug wasn’t called Old Bad And Mucus-inducing Awfulness (OBAMA). Then, the punny jokes would actually be funny.

The movie is chock full of silly gay jokes (which is interesting, since Hill spent last week apologizing to the liberal world and entertainment media for his use of the f-word that rhymes with maggot to insult someone from the press). And it’s equally unfunny on all the other stuff (except the slam poetry segment).

HALF A MARX

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Chinese Puzzle [Casse-Tête Chinois]“: I hated this pretentious, unfunny French “comedy” that tries oh so uber-hard to be hip and far-left on what constitutes a family. An annoying French author goes to New York after his girlfriend (and the mother of his kids) dumps him and moves there. He has also impregnated his lesbian friend, so she can have a baby. She is cheating on her girlfriend with her female baby-sitter. And the author (remember him?) is sleeping with a woman he broke up with in France, who has two kids and is visiting New York. He is also committing marriage fraud, so he can get a green card and then help his new girlfriend commit marriage fraud. Together, they are all friends and family! Happy Father’s Day, idiots! G-d Bless America!

What a bleeping waste of time.

THREE MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS
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Watch the trailer . . .

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9 Responses

These Hollywood movies are such crap that they just keep churning out, yet they wouldn’t be if they weren’t making money – most, anyway. Thanks to “globalization”, it only has to appeal to the “global” audience (read: Malaysians and Chinese.)

It’s no longer “will it play in Peoria?”, but, rather, “will it play in “Kuala Langat?”

DS_ROCKS! on June 13, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Well the movies suck these days but at least we get your reviews Debbie.

Frankz on June 13, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Yes i agree Frankz ty Deb!

    Maggie Simi on June 13, 2014 at 11:44 pm

Hey, I know sequels usually aren’t as good as the original, but since “21 Jump Street” actually was pretty good, I’ll take my chances on the new one about the building across the street.

Primetime on June 14, 2014 at 12:01 am

Debbie’s review for 21 jump street was funny. Debbie Ice Cube made that song 25 yrs ago, can people change or just morph into a shameless whore? Lol. Too funny. Good allusion to “slave name is Jackson. Lol

BigD on June 14, 2014 at 1:01 am

“They’re not 21 anymore.”

And I’m not 27 anymore, which is the last time I “went to the movies.”

Went to the movies doesn’t mean what it did in “my day,” and that was a LONG time ago. But in looking back with the wisdom of the aged, “my day” had its own flaws that led up today.

That’s what the entire history of the human race is, one big flaw leading to another. And now Debbie, we see the greatest nation ever created by the will of man with the help of God become such a farcical parody of itself. Shakespeare on acid couldn’t write what’s happening in our culture, and your movie reviews offer your usual insight in tying what’s happening in Hollywood, with the outside world.

Beware the Government-Hollywood Media Complex.

That’s why I’m glad I only stop in at Debbie’s reviews and the members comments, because there’s no sense in “going to the movies” anymore. Age can lead to wisdom, leading to better “time management.” Forget the movies, I’ll spend my time becoming educated here and elsewhere in order to remain what The Founders wanted, an informed citizenry.

By the way Debbie, when you attend movies for review, are they accompanied by cartoons and ads like back in “my day?” I wouldn’t be surprised if the theaters are carrying anti-fracking lead ins to these movies.

Alfredo from Puerto Rico on June 14, 2014 at 9:48 am

Hey Deb, here is some good news.

http://nikkifinke.com/kardashians/

The viewership is “crashing”.

chuck on June 14, 2014 at 10:58 am

I love your reviews, Debbie. I have a question for you. There are a group of filmed Operas starting the Met that occasionally make the rounds of movie theatres. Any chance of you reviewing any of these?

I am ceratin ofter a day of this that you download the latest Riff-Trax. I would.

Occam's Tool on June 17, 2014 at 3:38 pm

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