March 6, 2015, - 5:13 pm

Wknd Box Office: Chappie, Unfinished Business, Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

By Debbie Schlussel

Spring may be near, but it’s yet another crappy weekend at the box office, as I wasn’t much enthused about any of the new offerings in theaters, today.

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* “Chappie“: This is the relative best of the new movies this weekend, with the emphasis on the word, “relative,” as I wouldn’t pay ten bucks-plus to see this. And, in the end, the movie tends to glorify two thugs merely because they aren’t as thugly as other thugs. I questioned, also, why a movie that takes place in South Africa contains mostly white crime lords and gangstas, when we know that in South Africa, they are mostly Black. Um, hello . . . .? On the other hand, that’s no surprise, since this movie is written and directed by Neill Blomkamp, who was also behind “District 9” (read my review), and is obsessed with the race agenda–ie., that Whites are racist, but Blacks aren’t.







The story: in South Africa, crime is now so bad, that instead of sending police to fight the mostly White criminal gangs, robot police are sent out. They are tough, indestructible, and owned and operated by an American company run by Susan “Sigourney” Weaver. The robots’ inventor, Dev Patel, wants to take a damaged robot and convert him into a humanitarian who writes poetry. When his boss, Weaver, forbids this, Patel sneaks the robot out of the company premises. But both he and the robot are kidnapped by criminal thugs who owe $20 million to a crime lord. They want to use the robot to rob banks and steal cars and eventually train and trick the robot into doing that. (Two of these lesser thugs are played by a real-life South African husband and wife White rap duo, Yo-Landi Visser and Ninja, who call themselves, “Die Antwoord.”) Meanwhile, a company rival of Patel, Hugh Jackman (in the world’s ugliest mullet), wants his new “Moose” robots to stop crime instead of Patel’s smaller police robots, so he disables the programs of the police robots, starts chaos on the streets, and causes a lot of problems, including mass destruction. There is also the concept of human consciousness being transferred out of humans and into robots and computers (which we’ve seen in other recent movies, such as “Lucy”–read my review–and “Transcendence”–read my review).

The funniest part of this movie is when the thugs train the robot to act “all gangsta” in the way he walks and talks. But the most interesting and frightening part of the movie is that thugs could actually train indestructible robots to commit crimes against humans. That may be coming in our future as robots are more and more developed and technology advances. But it wasn’t worth watching this movie to raise that point in our consciousness.

HALF A REAGAN
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Unfinished Business“: Don’t let the trailer fool you on this one. It isn’t funny, just absolutely awful and gratuitously crude. This is stark Gitmo torture material. A bathroom full of penises sticking through “glory holes” at a gay bar–this is funny how? Men “shaking hands” with those penises–that’s funny? Ugh. This movie is utter garbage, extremely dumb, and long, slow, and boring despite being just 1.5 hours. I kept looking at my watch, with my mind begging for this to end already. It seems the whole purpose of this movie was to show multiple scenes of penises and womens’ naked breasts.

The “story”: a businessman (Vince Vaughn) quits his sales job after being denied a raise. He decides to start his own company competing with his former employer. He hires an incredibly stupid job applicant (Dave Franco) and a former colleague who was forced to retire. They desperately compete for a contract selling “swarf,” metal filings left over from finished industrial jobs. But they are repeatedly led on a wild goose chase by employees of the company set to buy from them. And they are competing for the deal against Vaughn’s former boss and company. They fly all over the world and go through all kinds of ridiculous, unfunny situations to get the deal done. In the meantime, Vaughn’s kids are being bullied and he communicates with them and his wife on FaceTime.

I hate-hate-hated this movie, and it’s–hands down–the worst movie I’ve seen in months (though maybe only slightly worse than “The Wedding Ringer”–read my review–and “Hot Tub Time Machine 2”–ready my review), despite the stiff competition for that title. Skip at all cost.

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel“: I’m not sure why a sequel to “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” (read my review) needed to be made. The first one wasn’t that good. In fact, it was a cheesy senior citizen’s version of “The Love Boat,” taking place at a rundown hotel in India. This is the same thing for the second time, but even less charming and with the addition of Richard Gere. At age 65, he’s transitioning into “American Gigolo–AARP Edition.” Amidst the stories of senior citizens, there is a story about the hotel’s 30-something (or 20-something?) proprietor, Dev Patel, his upcoming marriage, his competition with a rival, and his seeking to expand his “hotel empire” with a outside investors who’ve sent a secret inspector. Or something.

This long, slow, boring movie is an insult to senior citizens, at whom it’s aimed. And the disjointed stories are long, boring, uninteresting, and not tightly written. There is no suspense, and nothing to care about. It’s just an empty waste of time. Oh, and did I mention that this is the Feel-Good Senior Citizen Suicide Movie of the Year? One of the characters commits suicide at the end, for no apparent reason. Like I said, this isn’t well-written at all. They don’t explain things, and I just didn’t care, even if they had. This is a snoozer.

The ending, in which Richard Gere and the other senior citizens are dancing in a “Bollywood”-style routine at a wedding, is just absolutely comical, cheesy, and ridiculous.

Skipworthy.

ONE MARX
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Watch the trailer . . .

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22 Responses

Thanks for putting yourself through these straight to DVD clunkers so we don’t have to Debbie.

I walked out half way through District 9 so I’m sure I’ll hate Chappie. Who needs a Robocop / Short Circuit combo where every 2nd person has a different accent.

hashblag on March 7, 2015 at 10:16 am

    In other, far more awesome news, Riff-Trax has got a summer extravaganza set up with a live riffing of “Sharknado 2,” and raph Peters will have the conclusion to his Civil War Novels coming out in May 2015.

    Night of the Fests Sketchfest 2015 is also out by the Riffers. So, if you really like bad movies, enjoy. I have NO financial or familianl interest in Riff-Trax—I just own every MST3K episode ever made and all the Riff-Traxes.

    Occam's Tool on March 10, 2015 at 2:22 pm

Oh, please. Neal Blomkamp, a South African-born Canadian, is a gifted and witty filmmaker. In addition to “District 9,” he made “Elysium,” which, intentionally or not, says more about immigration issues than all of the useless presidential debates combined. “Chappie” looks highly interesting in a John Woo kind of way.

Primetime on March 7, 2015 at 2:41 pm

Neal Blomkamp is a South African douche bag who left that country because liberal ideas are a lot more secure and comfortable in Canada than his native home.
Now he makes special effects fantasy stories for suckers like you because you get to live out the reality while he gets to join the top 2% and talk about how people like him should be paying more tax while they move their money into foreign tax havens.

hashblag on March 7, 2015 at 6:09 pm

And his movies suck

hashblag on March 7, 2015 at 6:12 pm

Actually Chappie is not really a robot. He’s a metaphor for untainted innocence. And it’s that innocence that is trained to act and behave gangsta. Being from South Africa Neal Blomkamp knows all about how that works in the real world but he’s too of a punk to be straight up about it even to himself.

That’s why I know your narrative is out of luck fool.

hashblag on March 7, 2015 at 6:25 pm

Debbie, I think you missed one of the subtle references made in the movie The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, where you conclude the following:

“This long, slow, boring movie is an insult to senior citizens, at whom it’s aimed. And the disjointed stories are long, boring, uninteresting, and not tightly written. There is no suspense, and nothing to care about. It’s just an empty waste of time. Oh, and did I mention that this is the Feel-Good Senior Citizen Suicide Movie of the Year? One of the characters commits suicide at the end, for no apparent reason.”

You must have fallen asleep when the movie referenced the fact that this character learned that he had nothing to look forward to but to watch the first Best Exotic Marigold Hotel movie over-and-over-and-over, with no other options. Although I know that you are against suicide in general, surely you must have some compassion for a character facing such a cruel fate, with no viable alternatives.

Ralph Adamo on March 7, 2015 at 7:29 pm

How the Hell did Vaughn become famous to begin with? All of the sudden I saw him co-starring in “Dodge Ball” about 10 yrs. ago and I had no idea what he did or why he was in movies – I’ve avoided him lik ethe plague ever since, yet people consistently love him.

I felt self-conscious and embarrassed for him just from watching the trailer.

DS_ROCKS! on March 7, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    I thought Dodgeball was fun. One thing that creeped me out was the appearance Lance Armstrong though.
    The problem is Vaughn has basically made the same movie throughout his entire career.
    Feel good fodder for losers endorsed by people who don’t tolerate losers for one second in their personal lives.
    Standard Hollywood stuff.

    hashblag on March 8, 2015 at 5:23 am

    Lance Armstrong was so upfront about that he might as well have been wearing a sign around his neck throughout his entire professional career.
    The strange thing is it didn’t really bother anybody until he screwed up.

    hashblag on March 8, 2015 at 5:27 am

Old people committing suicide? Maybe they’re relying on the power of suggestion to help create one more method of financing Obamacare.

Little Al on March 7, 2015 at 11:56 pm

South Africa is a real life Hieronymus Bosch painting where black criminality has replaced Apartheid with something light years worse.

Read “Into the Cannibal’s Pot” for a feel of the white genocide that is 24/7, part and parcel of the truth of South Africa today.

chuck lowe on March 8, 2015 at 12:17 pm

Save your money, listen to Debbie and instead watch Wiplash on DVD or Direct TV. Given that I live in a suburb of NYC, its still playing at the IFC Center in the Village. If you are lucky enough to get to see it on a big screen, do so. Also, while I loathe Colin Firth’s politics, Kingsman is a very entertaining movie. His politics get five Marx’s and five ISIS Beheadings.

Susan on March 8, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    I couldn’t get past 60 seconds of “Whiplash”, but my friend raved about it so much I forced myslef to watch 17 minutes, then could not tolerate any more. I read the Wikipedia synopsis on it and even that bored me. Apparently if you were involved in “band” in HS, this holds special appeal, but it’s a trite story that’s been done in iterations over the last 70 years and teh characters were annoying, especially the Farmers Insurance TV commerical “tough guy” sadistic drum teacher.

    DS_ROCKS! on March 8, 2015 at 6:02 pm

I guess Mr. Blomkamp never met Winnie Mandella & saw her “jewelry collection” of tire “necklaces”…

Cicero's Ghost (NB) on March 9, 2015 at 2:29 am

    Racist liberals like Blomkamp know all about the Winnie Mandelas of the world.

    That’s the thing. Some conservatives think that these liberals just haven’t seen reality, and if they did why they’d change their tune and start singing the gospel.

    The truth is they know that blacks are far more racist than whites ever were. That one particular segment of the society is far more disproportionately criminal than others combined. That countries like South Africa were the best in that continent under apartheid, along with other former colonized countries were under white rule, yet today are sinking quickly into the black morass. Pun intended.

    But they choose to rationalize and ignore it. To blame whites even when whites are no longer around. If whites are exerting control and influence? They’re being racist. If whites abstain and leave via white flight? They’re being racist. If civilization is doing well because of white ideas, influence, and sensibilities? That’s racist. If civilization is crumbling and rotting because whites have been chased out or fled? That’s more white racism.

    These liberals are not naive. They are evil.

    PitandPen on March 9, 2015 at 1:24 pm

Blomkamp knows all about Winnie

crashtestdummy on March 9, 2015 at 10:10 am

quite likely

crashtestdummy on March 9, 2015 at 10:21 am

Obama World Cinema leaves us with gems such as these. We get thinly veiled race epics, corrupt businessmen, and senior citizens waiting for a last thrill before the urn.

Worry01 on March 9, 2015 at 5:15 pm

I will give Sharlto Copley credit – he was excellent in “District 9.” Also enjoyed seeing the Nigerian gangstas being blown to bits by Mr. Copley! Don’t keep up much with the Academy Awards circle-jerk, but Copley should have won for Best Actor that year, if he didn’t. With that exception, I have no particular liking for anything ever made by the racist, white-hating fascist Blomkamp.

jc15 on March 11, 2015 at 8:51 pm

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