March 13, 2016, - 9:45 pm
In “The Brothers Grimsby,” written by and starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Donald Trump gets AIDS. (Too bad Cohen doesn’t die of cancer.) And, sadly, that outrageous political BS is the least disgusting thing about this absolutely sickening, completely stupid, totally unfunny movie.
As I noted on Friday, this movie was not screened for critics, and I should have taken the hint. It also was not represented by any of the big public relations firms that usually promote studios and their movies locally in various cities (including Detroit). That should have been a bigger hint for me. But I went to see the movie on Friday to review it for you. Big mistake. To say I was repulsed is the understatement of the year. Recently, Cohen and his wife, Isla Fisher (who also stars in the movie), donated $1 million to the Jew-hating, America-hating Syrian Muslim refugees (via the anti-Israel Save The Children and the equally anti-Israel International Rescue Committee). If only ISIS were forced to watch this film and then Cohen was sent via parachute to the middle of ISIS-controlled territory. It would be poetic justice. After seeing this, I hate the guy that much. This is nothing like previous Cohen movies, such as “Borat” (read my review)–which condescendingly mocked the goodness of White, Christian, Jewish, and patriotic Americans–or “Bruno” (read my review). This makes those look like masterpieces.
If scenes of men inside the vaginal canal of an elephant, while male elephants have sex with the female elephant and ejaculate on the men inside, is your thing, then you’re a warped sicko . . . and this is your movie. For the rest of us, hopefully sanity prevails. I dare any idiot rabbi that lets this scumbag, Sacha Baron Cohen, pray in his synagogue to see this movie. Cohen should be excommunicated. He’s an absolute scumbag. And a really, really sick guy, since he dreamed up the very repulsive, disgusting scenes that make up this so-called movie. It’s just gross. And, by the way, this is supposed to be a comedy. I didn’t laugh once.
The story: Cohen and his brother (Mark Strong, who is much better than appearing in this vile, depraved crap) are separated as kids. His brother is raised in a wealthy, cultured family and becomes a secret agent for MI6, chasing and foiling terrorists. Cohen is a lowlife loser idiot on welfare in working-class London with eleven (or so) kids. They are reunited when Cohen learns of his brother’s existence and screws up a targeted assassination of a terrorist. Then, together, they go on exploits around the world, including in South Africa, where Strong is still trying to foil the terrorists and also trying to elude the British government, which wants to take him down for being a rogue agent.
Among the many depraved, disgusting scenes, is the elephant sex scene. But that’s not the only one, and I feel dirty even describing these other ones. They’re not just filthy, they’re just sickening. And so is the guy who thought them up and decided to put them on film. Cohen sticks his face in hot wax and then falls on a woman’s vagina, resulting in pubic hair surrounding his mouth. Yes, classy. Then, there’s the scene of the fat-laden naked crotch of Cohen’s wife, the calorically-gifted Rebel Wilson. Uggh. There is also the scene where he is about to have sex with the morbidly obese Gabourey Sidibe and is wearing a mini-camera, so her pubic hair is broadcast to the MI6 in close-up. Unsee, unsee, unsee! And, of course, there is that scene in which Strong is struck in one of his testicles by a poisonous dart and forces his brother, Cohen, to suck it out, something we are shown in close-up complete with testicles and pubic hair. Toward the end of the movie, Cohen and Strong foil a terrorist attack at a soccer game in South Africa, by inserting the tips of missiles up their rear ends, and viewers are shown the result when they are in the hospital afterward. I threw up in my mouth during this entire warped piece of crap on the big screen.
At the terrorist attack, blood with the HIV virus is accidentally shot into Donald Trump’s mouth and we’re informed he has contracted AIDS. If only that would happen to Sacha Baron Cohen instead, the world would be a lot better off. You think he’d ever make a movie in which Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, or Bernie Sanders got AIDS? Think again. (It’s stuff like this that brings me over to Trump’s side more and more. If Hollywood hates him, that can’t be bad.) This guy Cohen is a total schmuck. Maybe he won’t get his now, but some day, he’ll rot in hell. Bet on it.
Yes, this is the absolutely repellent garbage that is greenlit by Hollywood these days. And that creep, Cohen, is laughing all the way to the bank. Thanks, Sony Pictures. You really know Gitmo torture material when you see it.
Watch the trailer . . .