September 18, 2009, - 6:15 pm

Weekend Box Office: Funny “Informant” Tops Choices

By Debbie Schlussel

Whether or not you like Matt Damon’s far left politics–and I certainly do not–his “The Informant!” is the best of the new movie releases at theaters, today.  In fact, it’s the only one I liked.

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*  “The Informant!“:  Although this movie–based on a true story–begins as an anti-business/anti-corporate tale, it turns out to be something far different than that.  Instead, it’s the hilarious story of a not-so-bright FBI informant, Mark Whitacre (Matt Damon)–who thinks he’s a genius (hmm . . . kinda like Matt Damon thinks of himself).

Whitacre, a vice president at Archer Daniels Midland corporation, initially informs the FBI that ADM is fixing prices with competitors.  He begins spying on his co-workers and superiors atop this multi-billion dollar agri-business.

Soon, though, it’s the stiff FBI agents who are the ones having the number played on them.  They’re very well-played by Scott Bakula and Joel McHale, who have the essence of every FBI agent I’ve ever met, down pat.

Throughout the movie, we hear the hilarious rambling musings and “insights” of Whitacre.  The movie is very funny, entertaining, and enjoyable, if you can look the other way at the hit job on ADM, whose execs did, ultimately, get convicted of price-fixing.  If you liked “Burn After Reading” (read my review), as I did, you’ll like this.  It’s not quite as good.  But close enough.

TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
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*  “Jennifer’s Body“:  Disgusting, sick, disturbing, boring, horrid.  Those are the adjectives that best describe this vile “horror” flick that had no suspense, a stupid plot (if you can call this a plot), and was basically a two hour chance for Megan Fox to show off body parts, utterly disgusting lines about anal sex and other graphic material, and show what trash she is.  Nice house, no-one’s home.  The woman can’t act to save her life.

But even if she could, this disturbing movie was just crap.  Vulgar, nauseating stuff like this is what you get when a former stripper with bondage tattoos, Diablo Cody, is the new Oscar-winning rage and writing movies aimed at teens.  Yes, the movie is rated R, but you know that tons of under-aged kids will be seeing this movie.  That’s the target market.

Oh, and did I mention the story was boring?  I fell asleep and didn’t miss a thing.  Basically, Fox plays a slutty teen who gets bitten and partially eaten and sliced apart by a band that played at a local bar.  She comes back to do the same to teen boys throughout the small town where she lives along with her nerdy worshiping best friend, Amanda Seyfried.

Extremely gory and violent, not to mention completely stupid and beyond the pale.  If you let your kid see this, you should be sued for parental malpractice.

FOUR MARXES
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lovehappens

*  “Love Happens“:  More like “S*** Happens,” with the S-word describing the utter cinematic crap here that parades as a movie.  It’s as if a scamming life coach/guru fraud, like late night infomercial sleaze Tony Robbins, wrote a horrible, boring chick flick, and someone greenlit the piece of garbage.  Sitting through this two hours of psychobabble and men crying was like sitting through torture.  A great choice for movie night at Guantanamo Bay terrorists detention center.  It was that bad.  I counted at least five male characters in this movie crying (and zero female characters crying).

Aaron Eckhart plays a Tony Robbins/Dr. Phil-esque psychobabbler who gives speeches at hotel seminars  coaching people on how to get over losses of loved ones.  His own wife died in a car accident, and his book about dealing with it is a best-seller.  In Seattle for one of his seminars, he meets and pursues the hotel florist, Jennifer Aniston–who plays a woman on whom guys cheat and whom they treat badly.  Hmm, sounds like real life.  On the cusp of bigtime success as a self-help guru, Eckhart turns men in to girliemen, but has yet to deal with his own loss correctly or face the family of his deceased wife.

Does any of this sound interesting to you?  For me, it was like having teeth pulled, with apologies to my dentist for the comparison.  The worst reality show is more exciting.  I couldn’t care less about the people in this movie.  It was just that bad and worse.   The movie is a giant “HUH?”  If this is “love,” we direly need more hate.

Great for the Paxil crowd and men who checked their testicles at the ticket office.  For everyone else, skip at all cost.

THREE MARXES
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18 Responses

Well Megan Fox you little slut, THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR BLASTING THE MIDWEST WHERE YOU GREW UP (Nashville, TN)

http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/quickies-megan-foxs-gross-kiss-shiloh–madonnas-culinary-pursuits–1516046.story?gt1=28135#wallState=1__/movies/Quickies-Megan-Foxs-Gross-Kiss-Shiloh-Madonnas-Culinary-Pursuits-1516046.story

Bob Porrazzo on September 19, 2009 at 10:48 am

Nashville is the “midwest?”

DS_ROCKS! on September 19, 2009 at 5:17 pm

I liked Scott Bakula in “Quantum Leap”, but I don’t like Damon. No go.

Joe on September 19, 2009 at 10:46 pm

Megan Fox is only popular because she’s “hott”, and she just doesn’t have the goddess looks for me. She’s too thin, she needs to hit a buffet and gain a few pounds.

Squirrel3D on September 20, 2009 at 2:27 am

The hotness of megan fox fell by half once her face and bod got a little puffy; big difference between Transformers 1 to Transformers 2.

ray on September 20, 2009 at 7:22 am

    I say it’s an improvement.

    Squirrel3D on September 21, 2009 at 12:19 pm

I might watch “The Informant” on DVD, but the rest can rust on without me.
Debbie, (off topic, sorta) after watching “Inglorious Bastards”
I understood why you liked it and gave it a favorable review.
I thought that the ‘film within a film’ (no spoilers) might have been Quentin’s answer for those critics who have suggested that his pictures are ‘too talky’.
As if he were saying, “You want mindless violence? This is what you want? Here it is, boys!”
Any inkling where Tarantino is heading next?
Keep up the great work, Debbie, in all of the assorted works you do here at your site.

Douglas Q on September 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm

That “Jennifer’s Body” looks good.

A1 on September 21, 2009 at 12:11 am

Off Topic: Today is Tzom Gedaliah. I wish all the religious Jews on this website, who are fasting, an easy one.

Miranda Rose Smith on September 21, 2009 at 4:18 am

I avoid all chick flicks. Aniston, Keaton, Roberts, Bullock, Diaz are turn-offs. Who have I forgotten? I know there are more of them who continue to get hired to make stupid movies for the Oprah crowd.

lexi on September 21, 2009 at 9:39 am

I just can’t get past Matt Damon’s far left-wing politics. Even when he is a part of a good movie; I still won’t go see it. Matt is just a male version of Jane Fonda. Both are good actors but also alarmingly “useful idiots” for our enemies. The slasher/porn formula of “Jennifer’s Body” is really quite old now. Ignorant producers/directors, incapable of developing a good story, simply throw in lots of skin and graphic violence. I hope, at some point, the movie going public begins voting with their dollars (and feet) to find entertainment elsewhere.

Dan on September 22, 2009 at 7:25 am

http://deadspin.com/5364409/megan-fox-will-kick-you-in-the-boner

What an excellent take on the manufactured Megan Fox. Nailed it dead perfect.

Great to hear Jennifer’s Body tanked, too.

Jeff_W on September 22, 2009 at 11:30 am

Disagree with you only on Bullock, who stole “Demolition Man,” was great in “Speed” (but not so good in the lousy sequel), and was a star in the first “Miss Congeneality,” but agree that she hasn’t really done anything worth notice since then. Couldn’t agree more on the ditzy Diaz and the other phonies (despite J. Aniston’s once-stunning bod — the best ——- in the business, or at least, they used to be).

jc15 on September 22, 2009 at 11:29 pm

It is going to be fun to watch the actresses who relied on their looks get old and shrivel up. no matter how much plastic surgery they have, they can’t stop gravity and time.

verbatim on September 23, 2009 at 2:52 am

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