July 7, 2009, - 1:31 pm

LIVE BLOG: Funniest Thing About the Michael Jackson Memorial Circus; UPDATED: Complete Cliff’s Notes of Al Sharpton Speech, Other UPDATES

By Debbie Schlussel
Well, actually, there are several funny things about the Michael Jackson Memorial service.
First, there’s the endless stupid ad-libbing by TV network anchors because the service (which started late) began with Smoky Robinson reading a letter from communist Nelson Mandela, then left the stage, and the whole thing stopped for at least 20 minutes so far. Love hearing these guys squirm and spew BS when they have nothing to say, and they’re live. Can’t believe they pre-empted almost every single major TV network broadcast to show this. Not to mention, ABC radio pre-empting “The Rush Limbaugh Show.” Incredible. It’s like you just can’t get away from it, unless you turn everything off.
Then, there’s the effort to get Michael Jackson fans pay to defray the multi-million dollar cost of the Michael Jackson Memorial service. Hilarious. Dude was worth $500 mill. But you gotta pay. Someone’s always got their hand out.

And don’t forget the long motorcade of black Cadillac Escalade SUVs accompanying Jackson’s body. How very gangsta. Just like in a bloated hip-hop video.
Some choir is singing about going to see “The King.” I think the King in that song means G-d. And here’s a memo too the Jackson fanatic brigade: the guy is not The King. He is not even a King. He was never coronated. It was a marketing slogan Michael Jackson dreamed up for himself.
BTW, only 600 people showed up in Detroit at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History to watch this ridiculous spectacle. They were expecting 1,000. So, perhaps this absurd hype train has finally reached its final destination.
Wishful thinking.
Can’t wait for the Al Sharpton “White yarmulke Interloper” sermon. That ought to be a trip. You can thank Sean Vannity and Bill O’Reilly for constantly promoting that scumbag.
Only thing missing is Simon, Paula, and Randy.
HA! Magic Johnson claims watching Michael Jackson made him a great basketball player. HUH???
Says he was shocked that Michael Jackson ate Kentucky Fried Chicken (nice product plug). Guess what, Magic? He went to the bathroom, too. Amazing. He says this chicken-eating episode was “the greatest day of my life.” Is he serious? Hmmm . . . I wonder what Johnson’s kids think about that.
Ah, the speech of the hour, er . . . two hours plus. Al Sharpton, racist extraordinaire, is still screaming, but I can summarize his speech pretty easily:

Me, me, me, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson (HA! I get to speak and he doesn’t, nananananana), Me, Me, MTV, Michael, Me, Oprah, Kids in Iowa, Me, Me, me, Michael, Obama, Me, me, me, Michael, me, me. Jewkids, Wa’int nuttin’ strange about yo’ daddy. What was strange was what yo’ daddy had to deal with. Me, me, me, Michael. Me, Me, Me, Me, Me. Michael, Me.

John Mayer shows he’s “down with the struggle” playing a cheesy guitar rendition of “Human Nature.” Whatta tool. Dude, you’re no Satriani. Not even close.
Has been 6’2″ male model speaks about his friendship with the gloved one. He looks like Brooke Shields. Think she’s talked to the dude in the last two decades? Come on. “Back when I was 13, yadda, yadda, yadda . . .” “He loved his family.” Really? That’s why he refused to tour or have a concert with them, cut them off, and didn’t mention any of them except his mother in the will. Uh-huh.
Looks like she was thrown in because they needed at least one token White speaker and Elizabeth Taylor was too sick to do it.
Muslim Jermaine Jackson singing a Michael Jackson song. Michael Jackson refused to tour with him or help him make any money off of him. But now he gets the last laugh. For a couple of minutes. What’s that? Ah, it’s the sound of Michael Jackson turning over in his grave as his estranged bro wears his White Swarovski crystal glove. Body isn’t buried yet, and big bro Jermaine has already started looting.
MLK III (who appeared at events in Detroit hosted by pro-Hezbollah/pro-HAMAS groups) is now speaking, along with his sister. Hmmm . . . did you know that Michael Jackson is now a civil rights leader just like their father? “Michael was such a one.”
So, when does Congress enact the Michael Jackson Day federal holiday? We could all use another day off, now that the Presidents have to share only one day.
Oy Vey. It’s Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee. Yup, the same one who celebrated the 1969 landing of Neil Armstrong on Mars. She’s also the one who felt that hurricanes were named after too many White women (to which I suggested “Hurricane La Toya” be the next moniker for one). The one who thinks she is the WNBA’s and CAIR’s (and now the ghost of Michael Jackson’s) Representative in Congress. “He called us into public service.” HUH?! Did you hear Michael Jackson tell lunatics to run for Congress? Me neither. I thought his song was, “Beat it.”


Sheila Jackson Lee: “Yeah! My Team From Mars Won the WNBA Title”
Michael Jackson from inside his coffin: Sheila Jackson Lee is not my lover. She’s just a dumb Congresswoman from Texas hijacking my funeral who thinks that she is the one.
Et tu, Smoky? Oy, Smoky Robinson is unhinged, too. No tears of a clown. Just a clown. “Now, they’re sorry that the person they treated bad is gone, and they want him back.” I treated Michael Jackson “bad”? Hmmm . . . from my check of things, I think I treated him quite nicely since over the last few years I purchased and downloaded “Thriller” and Michael Jackson’s “Greatest Hits” on my Zune. Sorry, but I just don’t get the “Smokey Math,” saying that “Michael Jackson is gonna live forever twice.” Yet, he only explained one of the “live forevers.” What’s the second one? I guess you have to be “down with the struggle” to get it.
Hey it’s a Muslim kid who came in second on “Britain’s Got Talent,” singing a Jackson song. Wow, second place on a British show! Gee, they really went for the cream of the crop for this thang. Young Shaheen Jafargholi was invited by Jackson to join him on tour in Britain. Hmmm . . . I wonder why.
OMG, NO. THEY. DI’IN’T! “We Are the World”?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Please, Make It Stop. I thought that was one of the bad trends from the ’80s that wasn’t supposed to make a comeback.
So predictable: They did the stupid religious symbols thing, complete with Islamic crescent, like on those absurd lefty “CoExist” bumpers stickers. Barf.
Damn, why aren’t there girls in burkas on stage with the rest of the kids from all over the world? And the guys with kaffiyehs wrapped around their faces and AK-47s?
I mean, “We Are the World,” right?
Jermaine Jackson: I was Michael’s backbone. I was his voice.
Michael Jackson in his coffin: You were? Take off my glove! OMG, They’re all wearing my glove!
Other has-been unidentifiable Jackson brother wearing Michael Jackson’s Glove: Michael, maybe now they will leave you alone [But Not until they buy more of your songs on Amazon and I convince those kids to give a brother some coin from the Michael Jackson Trust.]
No speech from Janet–Ms. Jackson, if you’re nasty.
Wow, the only people I feel for at this funeral circus are those kids. Sad to see his daughter, Paris Michael Jackson, cry. It’s probably the only sincere moment in the entire thing. The rest are just phonies glomming onto a successful circus act.
The end. But not the end of wall-to-wall Michael Jackson coverage. All the major broadcast networks are hosting MJ specials tonight.
So the funeral is over, but now the giant sucking sound–the sound of Jackson family members sucking up to the three adopted kids–begins. Those three are gonna be the most popular niece and nephews in the whole Jackson clan. After all, they are their heirs, when they turn 18, of the Michael Jackson Trust. And everyone wants a piece of brother Michael’s action.

33 Responses

Just heard Al Sharpton address Jackson’s kids at the funeral- “There was nothing strange about your Daddy- it was starnge what he had to deal with” I think I need to go puke now.

Mistress_Dee on July 7, 2009 at 2:37 pm

I don’t agree with much that you say, Debbie, but I have to agree with you on this. It’s ridiculous, the family should have saved face and had a small, private service because this is a circus.
I find it funny that Thriller is suddenly everyone’s favorite album of all time, if that’s the case why was it in the bottom of a dusty box for the last 20 years? We haven’t heard a MJ song on the radio for a decade, but now that he’s dead that’s all we hear.
Sure, MJ was a great performer in his time, but he was not the greatest of all time, he was only hyped that way and people buy the hype. I think alot of it is nostalgia, because he undoubtably was a big part of many of our youths, and the Thriller album brings back alot of fond memories for many people including myself. But take that emotion out of the equation, and I can think of many many artists who I consider greater musicians, singers, songwriters, and performers than MJ.

Scabies on July 7, 2009 at 2:46 pm

Love the running commentary as the joke-fest of a memorial service proceeds, Debbie, but tell me… how are you able to stomach watching it? LOL

Mistress_Dee on July 7, 2009 at 3:24 pm

“You can thank Sean Vannity and Bill O’Reilly for constantly promoting that scumbag.”
Poor Steven Pagones…..what a g-dammned tragedy and abuse of the legal system.
“John Mayer shows he’s “down with the struggle” playing a cheesy guitar rendition of “Human Nature.” Whatta tool. Dude, you’re no Satriani. Not even close.”
Agreed! Not a bad axe-player……but VERY over-hyped.
And let’s not forget, everyone: Michael Jackson slept with young boys.
He said so.
He never denied it.
There’s just no getting past it.

guitarguy on July 7, 2009 at 3:28 pm

“We are the weird… molesting children…”

Mistress_Dee on July 7, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[I find it funny that Thriller is suddenly everyone’s favorite album of all time, if that’s the case why was it in the bottom of a dusty box for the last 20 years?Posted by: Scabies]
It’s not all of a sudden. It sold 25 or more million copies. It’s the number one selling album of all time (don’t get me started on the Eagles 1971-1975, I don’t know anyone who owns it). It was estimated at one time, 6 out of 10 households in the US had Thriller.
[Sure, MJ was a great performer in his time, but he was not the greatest of all time, he was only hyped that way and people buy the hype.]
Hahahaha. Yeah, that’s how I feel about Elvis and Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd (most overrated band in history, as well as Dark Side of the Moon being the most overrated album of all time; I only like 4 songs from it). If anyone can lay claim to that title, its MJ.
[But take that emotion out of the equation, and I can think of many many artists who I consider greater musicians, singers, songwriters, and performers than MJ.]
And yet none of them sold as many records or had as many hits as MJ. Are you aware of the number of Billboard achievements MJ holds or held?

Norman Blitzer on July 7, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Moral of the story:
Death is good for record sales.

SamAdams on July 7, 2009 at 3:57 pm


i_am_me on July 7, 2009 at 3:58 pm

typo corrected:

I_am_me on July 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm

the USPS had a vote when Elvis died for his stamp. did the people want a young skinny Elvis or the old fat Elvis.
So when do we vote for MJ, young black MJ or old white MJ?
and would it be weird or creepy if they went back to the lick stamps for him?

ender on July 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Quotes from ender:
“the USPS had a vote when Elvis died for his stamp. did the people want a young skinny Elvis or the old fat Elvis.”
Frankly, I would’ve picked the leather-wearing Elvis from the 1968 comeback special – unfortunately, that option wasn’t on the table.
“So when do we vote for MJ, young black MJ or old white MJ?”
Good question. I doubt they’ll have the MJ of 1979-82 vintage.
“and would it be weird or creepy if they went back to the lick stamps for him?”
No more – or less – weird/creepy than the man/boy himself.
But I’ve noticed that a lot of his “music” was touchy-feely PC psychobabble (examples: “We Are the World,” “Man in the Mirror”), the kind you’d expect to hear from a Joel Osteen or, for that matter, (H)Oprah. And from “Bad” onwards, his “music” sounded increasingly synthetic, self-absorbed and too precious for its own good. Small wonder all the sychopants in the media go ape-(expletive deleted) over him. Even smaller wonder that there are many *normal* people who think Peter King had a point.

ConcernedPatriot on July 7, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Somewhere KING HUSSEIN COBRAMA and MS.Thang must be furious they haven’t been getting press coverage the past 10 days. No one is talking about MS. Thang’s arms and HUSSEIN must be saying “where is my adoring media?” With hundreds of millions watching MJ farewell, HUSSEIN’s ego must be bruised. Couldn’t see it live but I know it will be replayed everywhere later. Sounds like I didn’t miss much.

californiascreaming on July 7, 2009 at 6:50 pm

@Norman Blitzer,
Yeah Thriller was the best selling album of all time, I think I bought two of them myself, but who has listened to it since the 80’s? I certainly haven’t heard it, in bars, on the radio, on tv, or anywhere else. It’s a feat that loses it’s luster almost 30 years later.
I’m not trying to diss MJ, at one time in my life I considered myself a fan of his and maybe I still do to some degree, the point is this is being blown way out of proportion. According to Wikipedia, AC/DC Back in Black is the second best selling album of all time, and then Meatloaf’s Bat Out of Hell. If Angus Young or Meatloaf died tomorrow do you think every major news network in the world would broadcast a week of speculation preceeding 3 hours of memorial service spectacle? No way, chances are you’d read a paragraph about it in the back of the newspaper if you heard anything about it at all. They’re not enough of a freakshow to gain news headlines.
That’s just the country we live in, the same one where some white trash gold digger without an ounce of talent drugging herself to death dominates the news for months, and I can accept that but I also reserve the right to mock and ridicule it.

Scabies on July 7, 2009 at 6:51 pm

Michael Jackson may be remembered by some as a good entertainer. However, in my mind, will always be viewed as nothing more, or less than, a pedophile freak! Either way… R.I.P.

Jackson Pearson on July 7, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Jackson Pearson,
You know, Michael Jackson was definitely freakish in more ways that one, but I’m really beginning to have second thoughts about the pedophile thing. For example, I had a college classmate who did some work with the Jackson family and he told me how flustered and uncomfortable a 30-something year-old Michael Jackon would get if any conversation involved sex or sexuality. I also recall reading articles from years ago about how Michael would blush and become “discombobulated” whenever one of those fine female dancers in his videos would try to hit on him and try to get him to take her back to his dressing room. I look at the lack of any kind of closeness or affection for him that has been exhibited by his former wives and alledged girlfriends. And what normal sexually mature man is going to marry someone like Debbie Rowe if he’s the one of the greatest entertainers in the world? Halle Berry or Megan Fox maybe, but not Ms. Rowe. An no normal sexually mature “man” is going to be “just friends” with a beauty like Brooke Shields after spending all that time with her that he did. And I look at the fact that it appears now that his “children” are not his biological offspring. And then I look at his weird and “childlike” behavior around children and some of the crazy statements that he’s said to justify it. It leads me to one “Off the Wall” (pun intended!) conclusion:
Michael Jackson died a virgin…….
Yes, that what I believe. Yes, Michael was a pop musical phenomena the likes we’ll never see again, but emotionally and sexually, I believe he never advanced beyond being a sexually insecure little boy. That’s why he saw nothing wrong with sleeping in the same bed with young children…he was a child himself in his own mind. That’s why he never understood why his behavior with children was so damn inappropriate for a grown-ass man. He never viewed himself as a man. And I don’t believe Michael was every sexually mature enough to have sex with anybody, man, woman, or child. His own self-disfigurement showed how unconfortable he was with his own body image (which stems back to some derogatory things his father said to him when he was a child). With his sexual and emotional insecurity, revealing and connecting his body parts to another human being was out of the question. That, along with the fact that he never had a childhood produced the very weird but gifted one we know as Michael Jackson.
That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it…!!!

JibberJabber on July 7, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Sitting here laughing so hard! LOL Great commentary! LOL
So sad they are inflating MJ beyond what he was. Many, many talented black performers before him broke the glass ceilings they are attributing to him. And dancing? The Temptations way before him. Classy group.

Hermster on July 7, 2009 at 8:38 pm

Good point. I’m inclined to feel the same way. However, I saw an interview with Lisa Marie, where she categorically affirms sexual (yuck) realtions with MJ. Coulda been lying? After all, she is a Scientologist.

spiffo on July 7, 2009 at 8:59 pm

You had me at Rush Limbaugh. That was enough right there to put me over the edge. Thankfully waam had regular programming.
I get to work and the convicts had all the t.v.’s on the funeral! I’m the final word on what is watched so Animal Planet it is!!!
One 5 time csc, home invasionist yells out his door, “I was watching that!” I reply, “I ain’t watching that pedophile on every t.v. all dam day long!” Do we really need sex offenders watching other sex offenders?
Also, he was a Jehovah Witness. They don’t believe in those big funerals. Talk about the muslims hijacking somethingELSE! The black staff was for the most part glued to the t.v.’s and computer screens. What a JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

samurai on July 8, 2009 at 12:12 am

Was trapped at the orthodontist’s office and had no choice but to hear this ridiculous parade for a short while. I do think the guy is a whack job. We are luckily one of the 4 out of 10 households who DON’T own a single album, song, anything from this guy. I never liked his music, not when he was a Jackson 5 or Beat It or any of it.
That said, I did find it ironic that Stevie Wonder said, “I never thought I would live to see the day that Michael Jackson died.” Poor choice of words, IMHO.

Leah on July 8, 2009 at 1:47 am

For the record Shaheen Jafargholi is not a Muslim.
He was raised by his single Welsh Mom, Karen, in Swansea, Wales.
Look on the bright side everybody, at least Bono didn’t show up.

No Pasaran! on July 8, 2009 at 2:56 am

Debbie said “So, when does Congress enact the Michael Jackson Day federal holiday?”
You missed this didn’t you ? It’s a beginning..
Sponsor: Rep Jackson-Lee, Sheila [TX-18] (introduced 6/26/2009)
Honoring an American legend and musical icon. (Introduced in House)
1st Session
H. RES. 600

NAC on July 8, 2009 at 4:58 am

How can the State of California, which is broke and can’t pay its bills, afford to spend 5 million dollars on a Memorial of a private citizen ?

Maxine on July 8, 2009 at 5:58 am

For the first time in my long life, I’m beginning to see virtue in apartheid.

methuselah on July 8, 2009 at 6:46 am

“She’s also the one who felt that hurricanes were named after too many White women…”
So, if we DON’T choose black names for hurricanes we’re racist because we don’t recognize blacks as being “good enough”. If we DO choose black names for hurricanes we’re racist because we think blacks are destructive like hurricanes or not good enough for anything else….

verbatim on July 8, 2009 at 9:22 am

Your take on Jackson’s sexuality is likely correct.
As to “a pop musical phenomena the likes we’ll never see again,” this might need some qualification:
To be sure, few acts have sold more records over the course of their careers than MJ. Only Elvis and the Beatles have accomplished this.
As to “Thriller” being the biggest seller of all time, that honor probably should go to the soundtrack from Saturday Night Fever, which was a double album.
Fever sales were not tracked as well as Thriller’s, and there was MUCH more bootleg and counterfeit product. In fact, Robert Stigwood, owner of the label that released SNF was credibly accused of bootlegging his own product.
Sad to say, MJ had little longevity as a major act, and is remembered, of course, for his huge impact at the time. BUT–if this is your criterion for a “phenomenon,” then many artists did better, if one considers both longevity as an act along with sales…
Frank Sinatra
The Beatles
Elvis Presley
Bing Crosby
The Drifters
Stevie Wonder
It must also be said that MJ was fortunate to be at the nexus of several factors that worked to his advantage—
CBS buying his contract from Motown for a huge amount of money, thus having to justify it with enormous promotional expenses (including videos that were way over the top compared to those of other acts at the time).
His perceived weirdness even at the height of his fame, of which morbid curiosity drove interest in him.
His “Peter Pan” asexuality, which was perfect for prepubescent girls.
His polar opposite in Bruce Springsteen, which helped drive sales for both artists.

Red Ryder on July 8, 2009 at 11:29 am

I know SEVERAL,including myself, who own Eagles Greatest Hits, Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumours’,and ‘Dark Side’. Sorry if you don’t know anyone who does,but just because you don’t doesn’t mean they didn’t sell the numbers they did,Blitzed.

OldSchoolW on July 8, 2009 at 1:13 pm

I don’t know how I happened to run into this site but I’m glad I did. I was reading this blog and can’t help but think that you are full of hatred. Seriously, how could you even make fun of everything that was going on yesterday? I don’t understand. Is it because when you die you won’t have a big memorial service like he did? The family did their private service and wanted to share Michael Jackson for the last time with his fans. One of the sisters said that Michael put family 1st, fans 2nd. If the family would not have done this, I’m sure there would have been pissed fans all over the world. I’m glad they did it. It was no circus. It was a well prepared, thought out, heartwarming, memorial. I think you’re simply hating becuase you could never do the moonwalk or perhaps you’re just pissed becuase you weren’t VIP. I don’t know. But seriously, let it go. If you didn’t want to watch it, you should have turned it off and gone to bed. You’re only contradicting yourself by saying this crap about “barf” and “hahahah” but yet you sat through and watched it! Seriously though, stop talking smack, hes dead! Let it go.

Lina on July 8, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Posted by: Lina:
Seriously, how could you even make fun of everything that was going on yesterday?
How could you not?
and the she spewed this:
The family did their private service and wanted to share Michael Jackson for the last time with his fans.
Oh pleeeeze, they were just making sure they could they could get another 15 mins of fame on the back of their brother that wrote them all out of the will. IMHO
Thanks for making sure all us were told that we are not PC enough to shut up.
BTW I only saw a few clips but it looked like a pathetic circus to me. I have never heard so many lies in about him in my life.

ScottyDog on July 8, 2009 at 7:42 pm

wow, I was only kidding about a stamp but looks like some one wants to push one:
A day after posting a YouTube video blasting Michael Jackson as a “lowlife,” Congressman Peter King said he opposes any move to honor the King of Pop’s legacy on a postage stamp.
King, a New York Republican, criticized calls by the Rev. Al Sharpton to have the U.S. Postal Service issue a Michael Jackson stamp in an interview Tuesday with WPIX News. Sharpton is also pushing for a national day of mourning to honor the pop star.
“It’s almost as if he were Mother Theresa,” King told the station. “Our priorities have been skewed. They’ve become really, I think, totally out of whack.”
maybe they will start a pedophile series, then move up to serial killers. Get a Ted Bundy stamp or John Wayne Gasey.

ender on July 8, 2009 at 8:59 pm

Hi Deb,
I agree with SamAdams.
Dying was a smart career move.
Joe B.

Joe B. on July 9, 2009 at 9:56 pm

It’s gotta be the water the liberals are drinking to worship and honor a pedophile the way they do. Sheila Jackson is the epitome of Washington trash, that occupy congress. It’s no wonder our country is in trouble.

Jackson Pearson on July 10, 2009 at 1:56 am

We had to listen to “We Are the World” at our children’s “holiday” concert last year. It was played while a slide show of African famine victims was shown.
It just made me giggle. Seriously. We Are the World? Whatever happened to Frosty the Snowman?

Michele on July 11, 2009 at 7:02 pm

You call a man singing for his little brother trying to get money?
We have to stop making fun of everything we see.

Jordan on October 1, 2010 at 11:16 am

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