By Debbie Schlussel
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Well, actually, there are several funny things about the Michael Jackson Memorial service.
First, there’s the endless stupid ad-libbing by TV network anchors because the service (which started late) began with Smoky Robinson reading a letter from communist Nelson Mandela, then left the stage, and the whole thing stopped for at least 20 minutes so far. Love hearing these guys squirm and spew BS when they have nothing to say, and they’re live. Can’t believe they pre-empted almost every single major TV network broadcast to show this. Not to mention, ABC radio pre-empting “The Rush Limbaugh Show.” Incredible. It’s like you just can’t get away from it, unless you turn everything off.
Then, there’s the effort to get Michael Jackson fans pay to defray the multi-million dollar cost of the Michael Jackson Memorial service. Hilarious. Dude was worth $500 mill. But you gotta pay. Someone’s always got their hand out.

And don’t forget the long motorcade of black Cadillac Escalade SUVs accompanying Jackson’s body. How very gangsta. Just like in a bloated hip-hop video.
Some choir is singing about going to see “The King.” I think the King in that song means G-d. And here’s a memo too the Jackson fanatic brigade: the guy is not The King. He is not even a King. He was never coronated. It was a marketing slogan Michael Jackson dreamed up for himself.
BTW, only 600 people showed up in Detroit at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History to watch this ridiculous spectacle. They were expecting 1,000. So, perhaps this absurd hype train has finally reached its final destination.
Wishful thinking.
Can’t wait for the Al Sharpton “White yarmulke Interloper” sermon. That ought to be a trip. You can thank Sean Vannity and Bill O’Reilly for constantly promoting that scumbag.
Only thing missing is Simon, Paula, and Randy.
***
HA! Magic Johnson claims watching Michael Jackson made him a great basketball player. HUH???
Says he was shocked that Michael Jackson ate Kentucky Fried Chicken (nice product plug). Guess what, Magic? He went to the bathroom, too. Amazing. He says this chicken-eating episode was “the greatest day of my life.” Is he serious? Hmmm . . . I wonder what Johnson’s kids think about that.
***
Ah, the speech of the hour, er . . . two hours plus. Al Sharpton, racist extraordinaire, is still screaming, but I can summarize his speech pretty easily:

Me, me, me, Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson (HA! I get to speak and he doesn’t, nananananana), Me, Me, MTV, Michael, Me, Oprah, Kids in Iowa, Me, Me, me, Michael, Obama, Me, me, me, Michael, me, me. Jewkids, Wa’int nuttin’ strange about yo’ daddy. What was strange was what yo’ daddy had to deal with. Me, me, me, Michael. Me, Me, Me, Me, Me. Michael, Me.

***
John Mayer shows he’s “down with the struggle” playing a cheesy guitar rendition of “Human Nature.” Whatta tool. Dude, you’re no Satriani. Not even close.
***
Has been 6’2″ male model speaks about his friendship with the gloved one. He looks like Brooke Shields. Think she’s talked to the dude in the last two decades? Come on. “Back when I was 13, yadda, yadda, yadda . . .” “He loved his family.” Really? That’s why he refused to tour or have a concert with them, cut them off, and didn’t mention any of them except his mother in the will. Uh-huh.
Looks like she was thrown in because they needed at least one token White speaker and Elizabeth Taylor was too sick to do it.
***
Muslim Jermaine Jackson singing a Michael Jackson song. Michael Jackson refused to tour with him or help him make any money off of him. But now he gets the last laugh. For a couple of minutes. What’s that? Ah, it’s the sound of Michael Jackson turning over in his grave as his estranged bro wears his White Swarovski crystal glove. Body isn’t buried yet, and big bro Jermaine has already started looting.
***
MLK III (who appeared at events in Detroit hosted by pro-Hezbollah/pro-HAMAS groups) is now speaking, along with his sister. Hmmm . . . did you know that Michael Jackson is now a civil rights leader just like their father? “Michael was such a one.”
So, when does Congress enact the Michael Jackson Day federal holiday? We could all use another day off, now that the Presidents have to share only one day.
***
Oy Vey. It’s Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee. Yup, the same one who celebrated the 1969 landing of Neil Armstrong on Mars. She’s also the one who felt that hurricanes were named after too many White women (to which I suggested “Hurricane La Toya” be the next moniker for one). The one who thinks she is the WNBA’s and CAIR’s (and now the ghost of Michael Jackson’s) Representative in Congress. “He called us into public service.” HUH?! Did you hear Michael Jackson tell lunatics to run for Congress? Me neither. I thought his song was, “Beat it.”

Sheila Jackson Lee: “Yeah! My Team From Mars Won the WNBA Title”
Michael Jackson from inside his coffin: Sheila Jackson Lee is not my lover. She’s just a dumb Congresswoman from Texas hijacking my funeral who thinks that she is the one.
***
Et tu, Smoky? Oy, Smoky Robinson is unhinged, too. No tears of a clown. Just a clown. “Now, they’re sorry that the person they treated bad is gone, and they want him back.” I treated Michael Jackson “bad”? Hmmm . . . from my check of things, I think I treated him quite nicely since over the last few years I purchased and downloaded “Thriller” and Michael Jackson’s “Greatest Hits” on my Zune. Sorry, but I just don’t get the “Smokey Math,” saying that “Michael Jackson is gonna live forever twice.” Yet, he only explained one of the “live forevers.” What’s the second one? I guess you have to be “down with the struggle” to get it.
***
Hey it’s a Muslim kid who came in second on “Britain’s Got Talent,” singing a Jackson song. Wow, second place on a British show! Gee, they really went for the cream of the crop for this thang. Young Shaheen Jafargholi was invited by Jackson to join him on tour in Britain. Hmmm . . . I wonder why.
***
OMG, NO. THEY. DI’IN’T! “We Are the World”?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Please, Make It Stop. I thought that was one of the bad trends from the ’80s that wasn’t supposed to make a comeback.
So predictable: They did the stupid religious symbols thing, complete with Islamic crescent, like on those absurd lefty “CoExist” bumpers stickers. Barf.
Damn, why aren’t there girls in burkas on stage with the rest of the kids from all over the world? And the guys with kaffiyehs wrapped around their faces and AK-47s?
I mean, “We Are the World,” right?
***
Jermaine Jackson: I was Michael’s backbone. I was his voice.
Michael Jackson in his coffin: You were? Take off my glove! OMG, They’re all wearing my glove!
Other has-been unidentifiable Jackson brother wearing Michael Jackson’s Glove: Michael, maybe now they will leave you alone [But Not until they buy more of your songs on Amazon and I convince those kids to give a brother some coin from the Michael Jackson Trust.]
No speech from Janet–Ms. Jackson, if you’re nasty.
Wow, the only people I feel for at this funeral circus are those kids. Sad to see his daughter, Paris Michael Jackson, cry. It’s probably the only sincere moment in the entire thing. The rest are just phonies glomming onto a successful circus act.
The end. But not the end of wall-to-wall Michael Jackson coverage. All the major broadcast networks are hosting MJ specials tonight.
***
So the funeral is over, but now the giant sucking sound–the sound of Jackson family members sucking up to the three adopted kids–begins. Those three are gonna be the most popular niece and nephews in the whole Jackson clan. After all, they are their heirs, when they turn 18, of the Michael Jackson Trust. And everyone wants a piece of brother Michael’s action.

By Debbie Schlussel
I’m scheduled to see both of these today and will be posting my reviews, early Friday Morning, just after Midnight (or hear them at about 11:10 a.m. ET, Friday Morning, on the Sirius Patriot Channel’s “Mike Church Show“). I don’t expect to like either, but I have an open mind. And sometimes the movies surprise me. Doubt these will. We’ll see. Stay tuned.
BTW, check out the anti-military tack the second movie–which looks to be a real piece of trash–takes from the beginning of the trailer. And don’t forget that the female star, Hayden Pannetiere appeared as a speaker with Bristol Palin on the Candie’s Foundation Abstinence Tour. Think this movie (which reportedly includes Pannetiere nudity) is promoting abstinence? The chick has a 30-something boyfriend. Think they’re abstinent? Yes, she’s as phony as the Palin girl in this respect. But, hey, cha-ching.
“Bruno“:

“I Love You, Beth Cooper“:

By Debbie Schlussel
I’ve been getting a gazillion e-mails from readers and others, over the last several days, asking me why I haven’t written about the murder of former NFL star Steve LaTreal “Air” McNair.
Answer: Because it doesn’t interest me. A pro or former pro athlete millionaire having an affair with a chick not his wife. Yeah, that never happens. Never ever. A lover killing her paramour because he won’t get the divorce he lied about and promised to get and broke his empty promise to marry her. Wow, that never happens either. Who cares? Not me. The story adds nothing to the national or international discussion. And it’s not even entertaining, the way the Mark Sanford story is. It’s just a tragedy. And it’s a bore. Next.

Air McNair’s Chick Kazemi Fled the Muslims; McNair Had Three “Families”
And by the way, this “family man” and “role model for kids” was typical of NFL players in another way. McNair had four kids with three different women. And he was so creative, he named both of his first two kids, “Steve” (actually, one is Steve, Jr. and the other is Steven). George Foreman called, and he wants his baby-naming strategy back. See, even that’s unoriginal and boring.
A number of readers are also asking me if the apparent killer concubine, Sahel Kazemi, was a Muslim, based on her name, looks, etc. And the answer is no, she was not a Muslima. But the story of her religion and why she had to leave her native Iran is of note, since it’s yet another of the omnipresent stories of the real Islam.

Kazemi was born in Iran but left in 2000, fleeing religious persecution for their Baha’i faith, [her nephew Farzin] Abdi said. They spent 2 1/2 years in Turkey before moving to Florida. Later Kazemi dropped out of high school and, at age 17, moved with a boyfriend to Nashville, where she sometimes worked two or three jobs to support herself.

I feel sorry for the family of Kazemi, all of them forced to flee their own country because of Islam’s intolerance of its own moderate derivative religion, Baha’i faith (which is a very peaceful religion). And now, they face tragedy here, too, even as they were free to practice their religion here.
And I feel bad for the four sons of Steve McNair whom this “football hero” and “family man” abandoned and who will now no longer have a father, regardless of the millions he may have left them. Two of them are very young and will grow up without their father.
Well, I guess he was a “family man” after all, since he had several “families” . . . all of whom are now left behind for sure. And all of whom he deliberately chose to leave behind when he was alive.

By Debbie Schlussel
So sad. The dying City of Detroit is taking a failed page from the City of Miami’s playbook. Last year, Miami hired racist, bigoted Nation of Islam minions for its street patrol, to the tune of $150,000.
Now, Detroit is trying a similar approach.
Apparently, the irony is lost on the Detroit Police Department, which will be working with Nation of Islam members to “combat student violence” in Detroit, through something called “Cease Fire Initiative” (CFI).
But it’s kind of ironic that a group of thugs who live by a gospel of racism, anti-Semitic hatred, and bigotry, are now called in to “stop the violence.”

Yeah, That’s the Ticket: Enlist Farrakhan’s Thugs to “Stop the Violence”
While it’s not clear whether any tax money is going directly to CFI, the organization’s anti-violence hotline is linked to the Detroit Police Department, which will be working with the group. And that’s far more than enough sanction by a tax-funded public law enforcement body. It’s way too close for comfort.
Even worse, major Detroit radio personalities and Christian leaders are involved with the Nation of Islam in this venture, as is Detroit Lion player Larry Foote. That’s ironic, too, since, as I noted back in 2006, Foote fathered a kid out of wedlock when he was just fourteen with a woman who has five other children with five other men. At the time, Foote said he didn’t know how many other illegitimate kids he may have spawned. A man who fathers kids out of wedlock is part of the violence problem, NOT the solution.
The same goes for the Nation of Islam’s hate. It breeds hate that fuels violence. And it, too, is not part of the solution. It’s the problem.
One other thing: I just called the “24-hour” anti-violence hotline phone number, listed in the story, and it’s like in a bad comedy. I got voicemail, saying the mailbox is full. Hilarious.

The antiviolence Cease Fire Initiative group on Monday announced a new hotline for students to call to report violence or other problems.
The announcement was made near the bus stop where seven teens were shot last week. . . .
The hotline number, 313-784-6674, will be available starting this morning and will be answered 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Representatives of the initiative monitoring the line will call police and dispatch members of the Fruits of Islam, a group of young men affiliated with the Nation of Islam who are trained to intervene without guns, backers said.
“You can call without feeling the pressure of being called a snitch. You can call anonymously,” said Mouchettee Muhammad, vice president of the Cease Fire Initiative.
Detroit radio personality Reggie Reg Davis of WJLB-FM, a member of the coalition, lost his brother in a shooting a few years ago.
“We’re offering them an alternative way to call someone and feel secure about it, feel comfortable,” Davis said.

Really? I don’t think any Jews will feel comfortable calling the Fruit of Islam. Not that they are the source of the violence in Detroit.

Also appearing at the announcement were rappers Stretch Money & Al Nuke; Pastor Kenneth Flowers of Greater New Mt. Moriah Church; Yusef Shukur, a former gang member who met his father for the first time when he went to jail, and Detroit Lion Larry Foote.

Ah, rappers. When I think of the solution to violence, I think of hip-hop. Don’t you?
It was bad enough when then-HUD Secretary Jack Kemp hired Lucky Louie’s Loonies to patrol the projects in Chicago. Sadly, it’s become a trend.

By Debbie Schlussel
In the past, whenever White families adopted Black children, there was always an outcry. “Who will teach them their Black heritage?” was the refrain. And it was usually insisted upon that the White families raising them would teach them about their Black heritage.
So, since Katherine Jackson is the guardian of choice in the Michael Jackson last will and testament, and since Mrs. Jackson, Michael’s mother, is seeking permanent custody of the children, I have to ask:
Who will teach Michael Jackson’s two oldest kids–both Jews–about their Jewish heritage? Yes, both the older kids, Prince Michael Jackson I and Paris Michael Jackson, are Jews. Their mother, Debbie Rowe is a Jew, which means they are Jews under Jewish law, and their natural father, Dr. Arnold Klein, is also a Jew.
So I wonder, where are the outcries from the same race-baiters we constantly hear from in the case of White families adopting and raising Black kids?

Can’t Wait Until Jackson “Philo-Semites”

Teach Jackson Kids About Jewish Heritage

Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson:

The Two Older Ones Are Jews, er . . . “Bloodsucking Zionists”
I’d love to see how the elite coterie of Jew-haters with which the Jackson family has surrounded itself are going to educate these kids about being Jews. How will the anti-Semitic, anti-White Nation of Islam bodyguards and Nation of Islam nanny Grace Wraramba teach the kids about their heritage? By telling them–as Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan says–that they come from a “gutter religion”? How will “Uncle Jermaine,” a devoted Muslim and Nation of Islam member teach them about their Jewish heritage? I’ve already been told by Farrakhan’s Nation of Islam followers that “The Zionist Bloodsuckers Killed Michael Jackson.” Wouldn’t be surprised if these kids have already been told that Jews are bloodsuckers, leeches, and kikes, just like their Daddy made clear he thought of the Jews in lyrics and a taped phone conversation about Jewish creditors who made it possible for him to live well beyond his means for years.
How about the other close friends and advisors of the Jackson family? Here’s a gander, based on past actual quotes, of how the “Jewish heritage lessons” would go:
Al Sharpton:

“Wassup, young White interlopers.
Today, we’re taking a field trip to Freddy’s Fashion Mart. It was owned by the White Zionist Interlopers–your people. But they were bad because they gave Blacks and Hispanics jobs and actually enforced their lease as landlords of a neighboring Black-owned record store. So, I put an end to all of that, started a riot and a fire by arson, and got several people killed. But I got away with it because the Mayor (David Dinkins) was one of my people. And he didn’t arrest me for inciting this violence because I’m an important member of my people, and your people don’t deserve justice.
And, oh yeah, I started a riot that murdered another one of you White Zionist Interlopers, Yankel Rosenbaum. And that was okay, too, see, because your people accidentally hit someone in a car accident. And I said it was okay to lynch one of your people in response.”
Apply some of Sharpton’s choice comments about the Jews, here’s some more of how “The Jewish World According to Sharp” heritage lessons would go:
* “Today, kids, we’re visiting Crown Heights, where a lot of you Jewboys live.
Talk about how Oppenheimer in South Africa sends diamonds straight to Tel Aviv and deals with the diamond merchants right here in Crown Heights.”
* “You diamond merchants have the blood of innocent babies on their hands.
If you Jews want to get it on, pin your yarmulkes back and come over to my house.”
* “Tomorrow, you can come with me to FOX News Channel and watch me on the ‘O’Reilly Factor’ and ‘Hannity’ Shows, on which two egomaniacs with egoes almost as big as my own give me more and more airtime, even as they claim they are against my anti-Semitism and racism. This will give you case study 101 into the White people, your people, ‘cuz you see, the White people and the Jews still like them even though they pander to me and give me airtime and exposure. It’s quite a racket we got goin’ on, the three of us, but we all gettin’ rich from it.”
* “By the way, when you turn 18 and get the proceeds of the Michael Jackson Family Trust, don’t forget to help a brother out–a brother named Sharpton.”
I’m sure the Rev. Al will sum up by telling the kids not to worry about their people’s horrid past because these descendants of “diamond merchant White interlopers” were rescued by a nice Black man who saved them from all that. And now that Black man’s advisors and family will save the day, yet again.

Jesse Jackson:

“Hey, kids, I’m takin’ you on a trip to the town of your heritage, Hymietown.
Here’s what you need to know about your heritage.
First of all, you’re White. And when I was a waiter, I used to spit into White customers’ food because it gave me a psychological gratification.”
* “Your people are the Jews. You can’t trust the Jews. I never have trusted those people. So when you look in the mirror, don’t trust yourselves.”
* “Now some Jewish history. In the ’70s, there was a President named Nixon, and he was insensitive to the poor because four out of five of them are German Jews.” [DS: When Jackson actually made this comment he mistakenly thought Erlichman and Haldeman were “Hymies.” They weren’t.]
* “So, Hymie Jackson kids, when I used to speak in Black churches–before the Internet and those days when Uncle Tom reporters would tell on me–I would tell the churches about your people and how they conspired to keep the Black man down.”
* “You people, the Hymies, are not willing to share power. . . . You Jews are much too sensitive. Politically, the Democratic party, is your party because a Jewish element perverts the Democratic party though glorified bribery, financial bankrolling and moral bankruptcy. Oh, and by the way, the labor unions are insensitive to Black people because their leadership is dominated by the Jews. Same for the media and those who are my critics.”
* “Kids, here’s what you need to know about your people’s history: I’m sick and tired of hearing about the Holocaust.”
* “But don’t forget about my history as the head of Operation PUSH, which is open for donations from the Michael Jackson Family Trust. We accept all green (and bottling plant distributorships), even from Hymies and Coca-Cola.”

Yes, sad to say, all of these are quotes about Jews actually uttered over the years by both Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, with a few words changed to fit a conversation addressing a group of people (about their “heritage”).
Gee, I can’t wait until the Jackson family and Sharpton and Jackson teach these White Jewish kids about their heritage.
And you think they’re messed up now . . . .

By Debbie Schlussel
Maybe the reason James Bond was barely ever married (his bride was murdered, thus the marriage was brief), is that some spies’ spouses are complete idiots.
Yes, not all of them are cleverly evil (like Valerie Plames’ anti-American hubby, Joe Wilson). Some of them are just stooopid. Like Mrs. John Sawers a/k/a Lady Shelley.
And I thought warnings about what you put on Facebook and elsewhere on the net were strictly for moronic sexting teens. I was wrong. Apparently, those warnings would have been better spent on Shelley Sawers, wife of MI6’s new spy-in-chief. Looks like the Missus is in need not of spy school, but just some basic common sense.

Lady Shelley Sawers: Blabbed on FaceBook
About Hubby, Britain’s Top Spy
Not sure wassup with these Brits, since this is the second such instance of British spies screwing up in pictures of late. Remember Bob Quick, Britain’s top counterterrorism cop, who had to resign in April, after he put a classified counterterrorism document (detailing Britain’s counterterrorism spy ops) in plain view for photogs to snap and post worldwide?

MI6 faced calls for an inquiry last night after an extraordinary lapse of judgment led to the new head of MI6’s personal details being plastered over Facebook.
Millions of people could have gained access to compromising photographs of Sir John Sawers and his family on the social networking website.
The information, posted by his wife Shelley, included details about where they live and work.
Sir John is due to take over as chief of the Secret Intelligence Service in November, putting him in charge of all Britain’s spying operations abroad.
His wife’s blunder is deeply embarrassing for MI6, who were last night facing questions over why the family had not been more closely vetted before Sir John’s appointment.
Lady Sawers had put virtually no restrictions on her account, making it visible to the estimated 4million on the open-access ‘London’ network, and potentially 200million more worldwide.
Her Facebook page was taken down after the Mail on Sunday exposed the lapse yesterday.

My favorite headline from this story is from Marketing Pilgrim: “The Spy Who Loved . . . to Wear Speedos.”
But, contrary to the claim made by Sir John Sawers’ defender in the video above, this isn’t just about him wearing a Speedo. It’s about names of his kids and locations, all of which could be used to kidnap them and blackmail him into giving up state secrets and classified info on spies and spying operations.
Has Britain already forgotten Kim Philby?
It’s like Inspector Clouseau is running British intelligence, and that doesn’t bode well for American spies and agents, since we share a great deal of info with the Brits.

By Debbie Schlussel
As we know, one of the most used weapons of the enviro-nuts and eco-hypocrites of the green/global warming/climate change crowd is the endangered species list.
And the Palouse earthworm is a great example of how ridiculous their claims are and how blatant the greeniacs (not to be confused with the faux-uprising in Iran greeniacs) are in their fakery and phoniness.
The worm has ben seen only four times in more than a century (far less than the Loch Ness monster has been sighted), and environmental activists are using the worm to wreak havoc on agriculture in the Palouse Prairie, near the Washington/Idaho border. They say that the European earthworms–arriving here from Europe–invaded the Palouse worms’ habitat and overtook them, making them extinct. So sad, too bad. That’s what happens when you have natural competition beyond human control.

Palouse Worm v. Regular Worm
As much as I disliked the ignoramus, Islamo-pandering President Bush, at least his administration had the good sense to ignore this BS request. I don’t give Obama the same odds for intelligence here.

Fans of the giant Palouse earthworm are once again seeking federal protection for the rare, sweet-smelling species that spits at predators.
They filed a petition Tuesday with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service requesting the worm be protected as an endangered species.
“The giant Palouse earthworm is critically endangered and needs the protection of the Endangered Species Act to have any chance of survival,” said Noah Greenwald of the Center for Biological Diversity.
The center filed the lawsuit along with Friends of the Clearwater, Palouse Prairie Foundation, Palouse Audubon and Palouse Group of Sierra Club.
The worm has been seen only four reported times in the past 110 years, but supporters contend it is still present in the Palouse, a region of about 2 million acres of rolling wheat fields near the Idaho-Washington border south of Spokane.
Decades of intense agriculture and urban sprawl have wiped out much of the worm’s habitat, said Steve Paulson with Friends of the Clearwater. Only about 2 percent of the Palouse prairie remains in a native state, he said.

Hey, I know, let’s order “no agriculture or building” on all two million acres in Washington State. That way, we can be sure that the Loch Ness, er . . . the Palouse worm, can be protected and survive. And while we’re at it, perhaps the guv’mint should step in and protect Atari and Space Invaders. After all, they, too, are endangered species that lost out to Japanese imports that invaded their habitat. They, too, has only been seen four times in the last century or so.

The worm can reach 3 feet in length, is white in color and reportedly possesses a unique lily smell, said Greenwald, who is based in Portland, Ore. It is the largest and longest-lived earthworm in North America.

Damn. Whatever will we do without three-foot, white earthworms that smell like lilies?

By Debbie Schlussel
I’ve told you about the many efforts of the fashion industry to feminize men via clothing. Whether it’s the invention of a euphemism for hot pink–“man-genta“–or the presentation of “man corsets” at a recent Paris Men’s Fashion Week show, most of these efforts are ridiculous and won’t, thankfully, become a national trend for American men.
But there is one fashion trend I’ve ripped in the past that has sadly taken hold. And, unfortunately, two of the nation’s largest jeans retailers–Levi’s and The Gap–are helping it along. I can hear Levi Strauss doing revolutions in his grave.
And I say, PLEASE. MAKE. IT. STOP.

Just Say NO To Men’s Skinny Jeans & Male Muffintop

Doug Black has found himself in a tight squeeze more times than he cares to remember. One day, he got caught in the rain without an umbrella and was unable to run. When his colleagues sat in a circle, the 23-year-old English teacher from Portland, Ore., couldn’t cross his legs. And when he tried to jaywalk, while in Beijing for work, he couldn’t hop the median divider with his friends.
“I had to walk half a mile down the street on my own to use the crosswalk,” he says.
His jeans were too tight. But he has no plans to buy a looser style. “Discomfort comes with the territory,” he says.
Skinny jeans, with tapered legs and narrow-peg ankles, seemed like a flash in the pan when they appeared in stores a few years ago. They seemed more suited to women. Today, though, sales of men’s skinny jeans are going strong, and mass brands Gap and Levi’s are getting in on the action.
Explanations abound for why men would want to wear jeans that look so uncomfortable and impractical. Some fashion observers say skinny jeans’ tight hold on certain men stems in part from the wearers’ desire to show off their gym-sculpted bodies. Then, too, denim brands, retailers and men’s fashion magazines have relentlessly promoted skinny jeans. And pop stars like Justin Timberlake and Kanye West, by wearing skinny jeans, have given something resembling permission for style-conscious young men to wear them.
But men are discovering, as women have long known, that the style can be unforgiving. One sometimes must diet and wiggle, tug and stretch to squeeze into a pair of tight jeans.

Another unwelcome trend this ushers in and which this article doesn’t mention: the male muffintop (see photo above). Um, no thanks. Something I’d rather not see. There are a enough fat chicks displaying disgusting muffintop flesh. We don’t need fat men to do it, too.
As readers know, I’m no fan of hip-hop pimp Jay-Z, but I gotta agree with him here.

Dozens of groups opposed to men wearing skinny jeans have formed on Facebook with names like “Men Should Not Wear Skinny Jeans.” . . .
The rapper Jay-Z taunts skinny-jeans-wearing rappers as effeminate in his recent song “D.O.A.” Sample lyric: “You boys jeans too tight, you colors too bright, your voice too light.”

Right on. Seinfeld had it right, too.

Jerry Seinfeld poked fun at slim-fitting jeans in a 1996 episode of “Seinfeld.” The Kramer character barges into Jerry’s apartment wearing a pair of jeans so tight he is forced to adopt an unnatural walk. When Kramer has trouble taking off the jeans, Jerry tries to yank them off by the legs. The actor playing Kramer, Michael Richards, injured himself slightly during the filming of that scene.

Chick clothes on dudes–not only hazardous to your health, hazardous to the male gender.
If you wanna be a man, don’t dress like a girl.

By Debbie Schlussel
As regular readers know, I’m out on Independence Day/the Fourth of July in observance of the Jewish Sabbath, but I thank G-d*, every day, that I am an American and that our country is still free. Tomorrow marks America’s 233rd birthday and 233 years of freedom and independence from tyranny and the rule of a monarchy. But it also marks decades of letting those who want to take this all away from us, particularly Muslims, impose their wills on our laws, our culture, and our general lifestyle. We cannot allow this to stand or we will fall.
As I wrote, last year:

We hope for an endless, infinite number of repeats and an endless supply of freedom and liberty. The more we keep kissing the rears of those who would destroy us (you know, from a certain “Religion of Peace”), the less likely that will be.

We must be vigilant in protecting our freedom and the American way of life from interlopers who come here–and a growing number of those who are born here–without the love of those things that are innate to being an American.

Below is a great, moving rendition of “G-d Bless America,” from a recent edition of NBC’s “America’s Got Talent.” Try to forget that you are also watching the show’s judges, Piers Morgan–who deliberately endangered the lives of American and British troops in Iraq–and alcoholic David Hasselhoff–who blamed his girlie-man crying at the end of an “American Idol” show on President Bush and the war in Iraq.

G-d Bless America!
My friend, talented writer and U.S. Army Captain James Key, who served as a soldier in Iraq and is now chaplain at Arlington National Cemetery, wrote this in, “A Holiday Message on Hope and Freedom,” a column in USA Today:

When I was growing up in southwest Los Angeles . . . there were times when I wondered whether this was the best that life would offer me. But my family’s and the community’s faith for a better future sustained us. And then I began to think about the happy times. National holidays, such as the Fourth of July, brought my family together to celebrate with “good to the bone” barbecue, sweet potato pie, music and dancing. All this made the adversities bearable.
This July Fourth, as our nation struggles to recover from a slumping economy – and as our troops continue to fight and die in Iraq and Afghanistan – I pray that the forlorn spirit of America will be rejuvenated.

Capt. James Key, U.S. Army Chaplain

On this holiday . . . may we live in the moment marked with fireworks, parades, barbecues and picnics. But we must also watch the day’s ceremonies with a keen awareness of those Americans who laid down their lives for our independence.
It is in their honor that we should never lose hope in tomorrow and always be thankful for the joy of freedom – indeed, the smiles – that each day brings.

Amen.
Happy Birthday America. We are independent today, as we’ve been for 233 years. Let’s stay that way.
***
These videos and photo are from last year’s Independence Day fireworks at Mount Rushmore.

Remember, this is what Independence Day/the Fourth of July is all about:

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.- That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, – That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.- Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy of the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
— John Hancock
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean
Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

All brave men whose courage (along with G-d’s grace) is the reason why our country exists and is still here today, well more than two centuries later. Let’s never forget their sacrifices and protect our freedom tirelessly.
***
Check out some of my favorite July 4th/Independence Day memories and how I’ve celebrated. What are some of yours? How do you celebrate our freedom and America’s birthday?
* I do not write out the full name of G-d, as this is against the Jewish religion and is considered using the name in vain.

By Debbie Schlussel
Since it’s Friday, it’s Free Chocolate Friday. As regular readers know, every Friday through the end of September is Free Chocolate Friday, meaning that under Mars’ “Real Chocolate Relief Act” promotion, you can get a coupon for a free Mars chocolate candy bar.
Go here for the details and link to free chocolate.