June 12, 2005, - 11:48 am

Detroit: New Fallujah Practices Palestinian Attacks for All Star Game, Super Bowl

By Debbie Schlussel
Palestinians stoning buses of Jews and Americans? Just in time for this summer’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game and next year’s Super Bowl, Detroit a/k/a “New Fallujah” (Rush Limbaugh’s moniker for the Motown) shows it is up to the task. Last week, a bus carrying 40 senior citizens from a Detroit suburb was ambushed and stoned with rocks and asphalt as the bus was leaving the city after a Detroit Tigers game. While the Detroit Free Press claims that “The bus drove away and nobody was injured,” it then contradicts itself, stating that “a woman was treated for a minor injury.” And get this: When the bus driver called the Detroit police, she “was told there were 52 calls ahead of hers,” and after waiting in a nearby parking lot for 45 MINUTES for the Detroit Police to arrive, the bus left New Fallujah. If you come to town for either of the “big games,” bring your protective battle gear–and come at your own risk. Detroit: Where the weak are killed and eaten.

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June 12, 2005, - 11:15 am

Michael Jackson & Soccer Unite our Enemies

By Debbie Schlussel
What do Michael Jackson and soccer have in common? That’s easy. Smart Americans with taste dislike both. But our enemies just love Michael Jackson and soccer. It’s part of a secret international IQ test. Post 9/11, if you love freedom and decency, you have no interest in either the silly game of low scoring and the bizarre has-been-pop-star-come-plastic-surgery-victim. If you hate America and love terror, soccer and Michael Jackson are the best things since sliced bread (if you’re from those countries who hate us and haven’t yet emerged into the advanced era of sliced bread, then they are the best things since whole pita with hummus).
As USA Today reports, “‘M.J.’ Has Own U.N. in His Corner Outside Courthouse.” Fans from Oslo (home of the failed give-in-to-terrorists Oslo Accords), Germany (home of the Hamburg cell and O.J-style juries that repeatedly fail to convict Al-Qaeda terrorists), and pot-smoking Amsterdam (where Muslim terrorists assassinate Van Gogh descendants), have all convened outside the Santa Barbara Courthouse to worship at the alter of the “King of Pop.” Foreigners hold up signs with such reassuring messages as “Germany Fights With You!” (Germany fought with Der Fuhrer and the Third Reich, too) and “He’s not Hitler.” Hmmm . . . . That explains why every Muslim terrorist gets away with murder in Germany. They’re not Hitler, either. I guess if you’re not Hitler, anything else goes.

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June 12, 2005, - 10:27 am

Barry Bonds: White People or Steroids? Some of His Best Friends are White . . . .

By Debbie Schlussel
Question: Which does San Francisco Giants star Barry Bonds prefer: White people or steroids? If you believe former Chicago White Sox slugger, Ron Kittle, the answer is the latter. And Bonds’ response seems to bolster the allegations. In a new book by Kittle, “Tales from the White Sox Dugout,” Kittle quotes Bonds as saying, “I don’t sign for white people,” regarding autographing a jersey for a charity event. In “defending” himself, Bonds says, “I was married to a woman who was white.” Sounds like the, “Some of my best friends are Black” refrain.

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June 10, 2005, - 4:01 pm

“All I Need is a Cool Buzz and . . . Bill Clinton’s Cell # ?”

By Debbie Schlussel
What do Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Bill Gates, Harrison Ford, and George Clooney have in common? Besides being part of the limousine liberalatti, they’re all in Jimmy Buffet’s cellphone . . . Jimmy Buffet’s missing cellphone. In something that sounds straight out of a Hollywood movie, a Spicoli-esque Florida busboy found the Margaritaville Man’s lost cellphone, filled with their phone numbers–and with his stoned buddies, smoked pot and made phonies on Monica’s former boyfriend/Hillary’s sort-of husband. Visits from the Secret Service and mugshots ensued. From “Cheeseburgers in Paradise” to slop in the slammer . . . .

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June 9, 2005, - 6:31 pm

When in Islamic America, Raid the . . . Chinese?! – Brian Moskowitz Update

By Debbie Schlussel
In the State of Michigan, with the most concentrated Islamic population outside the Middle East, you’d think illegal aliens and undocumented workers could be found at falafel joints all over the place. But what kind of restaurants do they raid? That’s right — Chinese restaurants. Michigan State Police raided 17 Chinese restaurants, looking for illegal and undocumented workers. It would be unfair to target Arabs and Muslims. But, at a time when Islamic terrorism is at an all time high, no problem raiding places like Ho Lee Kow and Give Me Chow. Political Incorrectness is okay, so long as it has nothing to do with the protected classes of radical Islam and fattoush consumers.
Then, there is Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Special Agent in Charge . Why isn’t he investigating Middle Eastern restaurants, especially in and around Dearborn, for illegal and undocumented workers? Before he took over Detroit’s ICE office, Customs investigations and raids of Muslim-owned restaurants and businesses were conducted and money-launderers and other criminals pled or were found guilty–like the owner of “The Sheik,” who was running an international auto-theft ring and is now in prison. Now, raids of Mid-East restaurants, like La Shish, are done by the IRS, regressing back to the days of Al Capone (when the IRS, not the FBI, finally got Capone). I’m sure Moskowitz doesn’t want to upset his friend, “former” PFLP terrorist and eternal FBI award revokee, –who was mighty upset by the raid of his fave shawarmah joint. And why didn’t Abu Moskowitz and his agency raid the Chinese restaurants, being beaten to it by the Michigan State Police? Good question. Probably too busy falling all over his friends at the ACLU, the terrorists’ rights lobby.

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June 9, 2005, - 12:55 am

Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Please Don’t Go to Washington – Angelina Jolie’s & Brad Pitt’s Nutty Politics

By
The politics of movie stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are similar to their new movie, “Mr. & Mrs. Smith.” Dreadful.
Unfortunately, the torrent of media forcing America to endure both their movie and political endeavors has begun. And the suffering intensifies.
“Smith” is half bad high-tech rip-off of “War of the Roses” and half bad shoot-’em-up movie with no plot. And a whole lot of boring.
Even if your male significant other is a skank-o-phile and just can’t resist the chance to see Ms. Jolie on the wide screen, tell him to skip it. After Jolie dons a black pleather dominatrix outfit at the beginning of the movie, it’s all down hill from there. Unless you count the part where Jolie’s character tells her husband she slept with 312 men. Art imitates life – sometimes. Her real-life number is probably a lot higher.
Even if your female significant other can’t get enough of the far-too-metro poster boy, Pitt, tell her to skip it, too. Unlike Jolie, he doesn’t don a black pleather dominatrix outfit. But he might be sporting a lobotomy – for choosing to act in this big-screen bore.
Then, there’s the incessant promotion of this movie. From Pitt’s hour-long “Prime-Time Live Special Edition,” Tuesday, to Jolie’s big interview on “Dateline,” Friday, pop-culture connoisseurs can’t help but be overwhelmed by the third-world politics of the pair.
Forget Jolie, the multi-tattooed, twice-divorced, bisexual who brags about sleeping around, wore a vial of ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, and proclaimed, “I am so in love with my brother, right now,” when she won an Oscar. Forget the previously suicidal Jolie, who bragged on Bravo’s “Inside the Actors’ Studio,” how she enjoyed cutting herself and her live-in boyfriend–because at age 14, regular sex wasn’t enough to feel close to him. (Well, her mother was French . . . .) Forget the Angelina Jolie, who said, “I need more sex, okay? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.”
Meet the new, re-packaged Angelina Jolie, Goodwill Ambassador for the U.N. High Commissioner on Refugees (UNHCR). In cover stories in July’s Marie Claire and yesterday’s USA Today, she’s hailed for pretending to care about the world’s poor, helpless, impoverished children . But, when she’s not in development (who aren’t covered by UNHCR, anyway – a topic of an upcoming column). Jolie is enthralled by Palestinian children’s desire to terrorize Jews and Israelis.
After a visit to the Al-Ruweished Palestinian refugee camp in Jordan, Jolie quoted them approvingly in her journal: “Be patient we will take our revenge [sic] we will take our homes back . . . . (Smiles, fists in the air) Palestine, your name is in our veins.” Jolie explains, “Their dream is to see their homeland. . . . It was very moving to hear them speak of the dream.” Like the late Yasser Arafat, Ms. Jolie finds Palestinian kids’ call for “revenge” with fists in the air “very moving.” Is this what she’s teaching her adopted son, Maddox? She now sports an Arabic tattoo she got on her Christmas vacation with Maddox to Lebanon and Egypt.
Jolie was honored at a March benefit for refugees at the Kuwaiti embassy. But her buddies in Kuwait, Jordan, Lebanon, Egypt and the rest of the Muslim world refuse to give a penny to her young Palestinian refugee friends who live in their midst.
Then there’s Jolie’s absurd politics here. For those who want to stop illegal immigration, Jolie is not your man – or woman. She pushed for establishment of a National Center for Refugee and Immigrant Children and lobbied for the Alien Child Protection Act, a bill that would provide lawyers refugee minors who come to the U.S. But these benefit one type of immigrant children – illegal ones. We don’t need to provide “centers” and ACLU-style lawyers for illegal immigrants. We need to deport them. Sympathy, like that of Jolie, for under-age illegal aliens is exactly what their parents are counting on when they take advantage of America and smuggle themselves in. In many cases, these are children of terror suspects, and they grow up with the same anti-American ideologies.
Late last year, Jolie made a check-up on a Homeland Security facilities for asylum seekers in Phoenix. Her UN commission opposes detention of these illegal aliens (perhaps we should just let them escape into thin air). Good ole Angelina was there to monitor conditions and make sure we Americans are acting humanely. No surprise that she told Marie Claire her favorite website belongs to the far-left, anti-American Human Rights Watch.
Then there’s Pitt. During his one-hour commercial for soaking the U.S. taxpayer to subsidize Africa, Diane Sawyer showed she’s a great softball pitcher. Pitt guilt-tripped America for not giving enough to Africa’s poor. He claimed Americans are ignorant about how much we give and that it’s so very little. How interesting that his co-star and rumored paramour Jolie parroted the same lines in Marie Claire, especially the part about calling Americans “ignorant” and stingy. But America officially gives about 1% of the budget in foreign aid (and gives far more in programs that are funded through various agencies and departments, plus private donations). That’s billions of dollars, and much of it goes to dictatorships that never send the money to their people – often funding terrorism instead.
Pitt claimed that throwing money at these countries will eliminate their hatred for America. But poverty has nothing to do with terrorism or hatred of America. The 9/11 hijackers came from wealthy families, as do many Palestinian homicide bombers. The US gave Afghanistan billions, including over $117,869,525 in the first half of 2001. That hardly stopped Bin Laden and the Taliban from running things. Pitt’s and Jolie’s (and now President Bush’s) espousal of rock star , is a disaster.
Both Esquire and FHM magazines chose Jolie as the world’s sexiest woman. Pitt was once People’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” But there’s nothing sexy about their misguided politics. Mr. & Mrs. Smith, please don’t go to Washington.

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June 9, 2005, - 12:36 am

Warhol-Wannabes, Ted Koppel Honor Newly-released Terrorist

By Debbie Schlussel
Four Andy Warhol wannabes are portraying Islamic terrorist Ibrahim Parlak as a “Hero of Freedom,” in their twisted new works of “art.” PUH-LEEZE. This is no hero of freedom. Parlak is a terrorist, despite what the liberal glitterati, like film critic Roger Ebert may say in favor of him and against me in his film reviews. He was released only because he lucked out and drew ultra-liberal Jimmy Carter appointee, Judge Avern Cohn, to review his case. Cohn loves to reverse deportations of illegal immigrants (who paid off INS inspectors) and convinced a university not to drop its joint medical program with terror-host state, Syria. (“Stupid Judges & the Terrorists Who Love Them.”) And where was the balance on last night’s gushing Ted Koppel interview on “Nightline”? Only Parlak was interviewed (no-one from Immigration and Customs Enforcement), and Koppel lobbed plenty of softball questions his way. Not to mention, the sob-story background report by reporter Judy Muller – complete with Parlak’s gaggle of aging, sagging, Sixties liberal supporters. Next, look for Parlak to be on Oprah, where the are evident, and where Ebert’s wife is a producer.

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June 8, 2005, - 3:48 pm

INS/Port Director: Will Smuggle for Home-Spa

By Debbie Schlussel
Need to get some drugs or illegals into the U.S. fast? You can buy off an Immigration official for just the price of a home-spa and car repairs on a ’94 Mercedes. That’s the scoop on Daphiney Caganap, who is now–incredibly–the port director for U.S. Customs and Border Protection at Detroit Metro Airport–in the heart of Islamic America. Caganap accepted $30,000 in cash, car repairs, and deluxe home-spa, when she was head of the INS’ intelligence unit and coordinating anti-smuggling operations at the San Ysidro port of entry (near San Diego). In exchange, she ignored and allowed the smuggling of illegal aliens and drugs from Mexico, for almost two years. Don’t you feel safe, now that she is in a position of higher authority in Detroit, home to little Ramallah (a/k/a Dearborn)? , also wrote something about this, but we , so I’m not linking here. Caganap rose high and fast in the former INS’ and now-CBP’s affirmative action program. At Metro Detroit airport, instead of stopping immigrants, she’s said to have concentrated on holding office candle parties. Hopefully, her next candle party will be in prison.

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June 7, 2005, - 11:32 am

New Michael Moore “Film” Festival Plagues Michigan

By Debbie Schlussel
You knew it was coming sooner or later. The calorically gifted (or is that “differently digestive”), self important “film”maker, Michael Moore, convinced Traverse City, Michigan (the cherry capital) officials to grant a permit for Moore’s brainchild left-wing film festival during the summer. Half of the festival’s cost is being borne by the far-left Center for Alternative Media and Culture. “Alternative”? Code for far left. To get an idea of the types of “films” that will be shown, the Center “provides grants to independent films in post-production dealing with the economy, class issues, the poor, women, war and peace, race, and labor.” If only Moore and the Center were around during WWII. They could have shown films by Leni Reifenstahl and the German American Bund. Patriotic Americans need not apply. BTW, I hear Osama and Ayman have a video camera . . . .

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June 7, 2005, - 10:36 am

Brad Pitt’s Ideas Subsidize Terror

By Debbie Schlussel
It’s just splendid that Brad Pitt has jumped on the Bono bandwagon, espousing more $ to Africa and releasing its countries from debt to U.S. taxpayers. But the fact is that the money goes straight to terrorists, in many cases, such as , which is on the State Department terrorist list. I used to say, “Rock stars, stay out of policy,” but now that Angelina Jolie’s new boyfriend, Pitt, has joined hands with Bono, the same applies to movie stars. Ditto for his girlfriend, Jolie, who espouses the same stuff and at anti-Semitic, anti-American hatefests. Don’t hold your breath for Diane Sawyer or Matt Lauer to ask Brad or Angelina any tough questions about it. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, PLEASE DON’T GO TO WASHINGTON! Stay tuned for more, in a column, later this week.

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